Money Moral Dilemma: Should I stop paying for my irresponsible friend when we go out?

asasas

Aw, bless you... I think you need to brush up on the meaning of "friends"! :-) Friends don't do this to eachother. That's one red flag. And if you feel you'd lose them if you brought it up, that's your second red flag. If you still enjoy their company and you can afford them sponging off you, then go ahead, but let's call a spade a spade. This is not a friendship.

Gaberdeen

The only thing in this scenario that you can control is your own money and who you decide to spend it on.

You need to weigh up what matters most to you more - your friend + her partners continued company on nights out or addressing the feeling that your being taken advantage-of.

You can try to address both- but bear in mind, a direct confrontation about your perceived grievance could irrevocably damage your relationship - after which things will probably never go back to how they were.

There is a third option, where you opt to start entertaining "at home" instead and if the conversation turns to why - you explain that you and your partner are trying to save money. If you friend declines these modified get-together's or refuses to adapt to the new circumstances by offering to stand their own hands,  then you might not care so much if the friendship eventually runs its course.
 

grillbatry

I’m afraid they are taking you for a mug. Until you stop enabling them to get meals, drinks and lifts for nothing, they’ll continue. No need to have a confrontation but just start saying ‘no can do’ !

AlooBortha

They don't sound like very good friends if all they do is leech off you. You are being too generous. They are taking advantage because they can and know you will allow it. Time to stop doing that. 

norcross91

How would they feel if you stop doing the things you are doing for them, would they do it in return if you and your partner were In the same situation, is there more to the friendship than just the lifts and paying for their nights out? 

Ed264

You haven't said if they ever offer to come and pick you up. I suspect when you pick them up then they will drink alcoholic drinks, yet you can't because you're driving. You say they enjoy their takeaways, which they shouldn't be buying if they're financially stretched. In my opinion, I reckon they're taking you for a mug. Sorry for being so blunt.

JayD

If you feel like this, why do you keep offering to pay for their meals and drinks?

Just act like any ordinary friends and just pay your fair share when eating and drinking out!

**************Is this really a legit Money Moral Dilemma?????? I mean , REALLY????********************

Binnie001

When your friends tell you they are ordering a takeaway ask them to order some for you and you will pop round. Make sure you get there after it has been delivered and see if they ask you for money. If they do, turn the cards around and say you are a bit short at the moment. 

MaggieJet

It’s not really any of your business what they do spend their money on, nor is whether their income greater than yours - you don’t know what their outgoings are. But, why do you keep offering to pay? You clearly don’t want to, and are being happily used. Stop offering. When it comes to the end of a meal out, make a show of calculating your share of the bill and put that down in cash. Don’t be surprised if they haven’t brought money as expecting you to pay yet again, but if you choose to then say that you’ll sub them but can they pay you back. You are being used. 

JainEm

When I was in my early twenties and not earning a lot my friend and I had an arrangement. If she was feeling flush and I wasn't and we wanted to go out she would pay for both of us. Likewise, if I was feeling flush, I would pay. That's friendship - neither of us was well off but we treated each other when we could. Your situation is not a friendship, which should be reciprocal, whether financial or in any other way. Stop giving them lifts unless you're going there anyway. Suggest you come to them for a meal - whether they cook or order a takeaway. If you then find you're seeing them less, they weren't your friends in the first place.