2 problems, financial association and money spending OH!

RAS

Hi

Until she has her lightbulb moment, you have no chance. And given that she thinks that the wedding is a done deal, no chance.

and marrying underage kids is not allowed (because that is how she is behaving)

The only thing that might make an impact is to put all her debts into the snowball on www.whatsthecost.com and see how much and how long just paying that little lot off is going to take.

You could do the same for your debts as well?

I would suggest postponing the weeding until this is sorted as if she cannto discuss finances now, you are looking at a very expensive future.

And how will you cope if she then gets pregnant and cannot work full-time?

happyhappygal

I have a friend who sounds like your fiancee. Spends like there is no tomorrow, worries a bit when she has to make her CC payments then spends again (usually re-maxes her card having paid a little bit off the balance with minimum payment).

Like others have said if she has not realised for herself that she needs to slow down then not much will make her . I can picture myself pre-lightbulb moment and nothing would have stopped me spending - because its such a good feeling. It wasn't until the weight of my debt on my shoulders was practically suffocating me that I had to throw the towel in.

The worry is that she becomes reliant on you to assist with minimum payments or the odd 'essential' night out. Trying to mould someone into the MSE way of thinking pre-lightbulb is difficult but below I have thought of a few things to try and others may be able to help you out also.

• Save up for something together and have a chart somewhere to show how you are doing. OK, it may sound a little childish but it is so so rewarding when you watch your progress and reap the rewards - CC free! Try a huge clothing spending spree (say £300 each) and save up for your big day at the shops (and it will be amazingly guilt-free).
• Start Ebaying together. Do it more as a pastime and enjoy the time spent together making money and then do something significant with your profits - pay a CC off, weekend away etc
• Talk about a mortgage and the likelihood of getting one (and keeping one) with her spending tactics!
• You take control of all the finances and give her (and you) and budget each month.
• Have a baby! lol

I guess this is a starter for ten. I can't help you with financial association stuff but someone will. Good luck, and congrats on then pending wedding. I too am getting married this summer and I am totally giddy with excitement!

Happy.

happyhappygal

newlywed wrote: »

Try giving her the list of what she could cut down on and get her to pick one - just one thing doesn't seem so bad then? Or challenge her to see how little you can spend on something?

Great ideas!!! :T

MissKJ

RAS wrote: »

Hi

I would suggest postponing the weeding until this is sorted as if she cannto discuss finances now, you are looking at a very expensive future.

And how will you cope if she then gets pregnant and cannot work full-time?

I don't think the Op has weeding in mind Ras :rotfl:

misspoppy

Hi

You can't make her see sense she has to hit that point herself, but once the wedding is paid for try to encourage her to use that money to pay off her debt, you could do some snowball calculations for her closer to the time. The other thing is does she want a family because how will you cope on one salary with her debt, thats quite a wake up call but obviously won't work if she doesn't want a family.

With food every bride is thinking about her weight so you could encourage her to spend less on food by encouraging her to cook from scratch which is cheaper, go shopping with her and point out the fat content of food she'll soon think about food differently.

happyhappygal

misspoppy wrote: »

go shopping with her and point out the fat content of food she'll soon think about food differently.

That is sure to halt your wedding plans!!! I'd bloody kill you if you did that to me! :mad:

spud30

newlywed wrote: »

To be honest, if I was given a list of things to give up like that I'd have got upset too. Try giving her the list of what she could cut down on and get her to pick one - just one thing doesn't seem so bad then? Or challenge her to see how little you can spend on something?

These are great ideas NW.

I dont wish to sound mean Firsttimebuyer, but reading about your OH reminded me of my DD's moods and tantrums. My DD is only 12

I think NW's challenge idea is a great one, it sounds like something we would try here to persuade the kids to do something they dont really want to do. Sugar coat it and turn it into a game, and it doesnt seem so bad. You need to turn it into some sort of competition between you, who can spend the least, or cut back the most

BrickingIt

She gets upset alot. If you overcooked the fish fingers a tad she would get upset by the sounds :exclamati .

Also 'she goes out with her mates' .

Shes drained herself of money and guess whos next .

I think after that we can come to only one conclusion. Thats right, consider down grading the Sky + to freeview.

Firsttimebuyer_4

misspoppy wrote: »

Hi
With food every bride is thinking about her weight so you could encourage her to spend less on food by encouraging her to cook from scratch which is cheaper, go shopping with her and point out the fat content of food she'll soon think about food differently.

:DHehe..Preassumption that the woman does the cooking.. She can't cook for ***... I do all the cooking in the house. :D She does the cleaning up afterwards...as I am very messy in the kitchen..but the food is good.

The latest thing we've agreed on now is that I will do the shopping on my own from now on..When she's with me she has a tendency to buy stuff we don't need..i.e. a bar of chocolate, a bit of this and a bit of that. of course...it doesnt stop her from popping into to the local shop to buy a bit of nice chocolate, crisps or other unhealthy stuff...

And for those suggesting to postpone the wedding. This won't happen. We've already put the deposits down and have the money we need to pay when the wedding is due is alredy in our savings account. The rest (or should I say, the majority) is being paid for by her father.. And the strange thing is..her dad (and her mum for that matter) are REALLY strict on money use...they won't spend a penny unless it's justified..perhaps that's why she is like this??? Some sort of freedom of living on her own away from her parents and being able to spend as she pleases(which she has done for 10 years..but still)

She gets upset alot. If you overcooked the fish fingers a tad she would get upset by the sounds :exclamati .

Also 'she goes out with her mates' .

Shes drained herself of money and guess whos next .

I think after that we can come to only one conclusion. Thats right, consider down grading the Sky + to freeview.

She only gets upset on the money issue...She's pretty graceful on anything else...So no problems there. I know it sounds like we have a bad relationship...but honeystly, we don't...only the money issue is the problem we have.

I got BT Vision (which is free) which acts like a SKY+ but with only freeview channels...It's a great product with a PVR, pause live tv etc....but it hasnt worked on her yet...

newlywed

Firsttimebuyer wrote: »

The latest thing we've agreed on now is that I will do the shopping on my own from now on..When she's with me she has a tendency to buy stuff we don't need..i.e. a bar of chocolate, a bit of this and a bit of that.

That's the reason I do the shopping in my lunch hour from work (we have a fridge at work I can use for milk, meat etc till home time). No step kids to moan about wanting things and no OH to say that looks nice... and me agree before I look at the price

I also downgraded some of the things we buy - tried them to start with to see if the more expensive version was really worth it. Also I now find I shop about 3 times a week - easier to get it done in lunch time and I can mix between Lidl, Aldi, Tesco and Sainsbury for the things we like that are cheaper in each one.