Teetering on the brink

badmemory

I think that is an excellent idea re your brother.  Things like that are always stressful anyway so anything that you can do to reduce it is a good thing.

Cherryfudge

What a very useful brother! I hope he can find out what the problem is and this time it all goes smoothly.

Re: the trousers, have you heard it said that you should always dress for the job above the one you're going for? So the smart trousers fit the bill very nicely.

EatingBeans

Yes, I’ve definitely heard the whole ‘dress for the next job up’ idea before. In all honesty I only want this promotion and then I am done climbing. All I want is to get into the next band and then I am happy just taking on new projects at that level to keep it interesting, rather than moving up. That band ranges from £47-£56k pa with automatic progression up the points within it, so I just need to get myself onto the bottom rung and I’m done. I love my employer, they will give me a good pension and are very accommodating of my ill health (which is very likely to get worse over the years with the TN). As much as I can get frustrated sometimes and toy with leaving, the reality is I already left this place once and have quite extensively checked out the grass on the other side of the proverbial fence, so I am confident when I say it is not greener elsewhere! I am sure many colleagues around me would wonder why then do I have no interest in climbing higher where I am, but in all honesty I don’t think the stress of dealing with the politics is worth the extra money once you get to £56k pa. At least not for me. In all honesty, there is a part of me that wonders if I should just stay put in my current (very easy) job and stay out of it completely, but the debt is making that decision for me. I have to at least try. 

EatingBeans

After the disaster that was yesterday day, it all got a lot better when dd1 got home. She has been away for a week long youth retreat with her church and came back bursting with happiness. It is a big deal for her as she was brought up very deliberately without religion in her life. I have no problem with people believing in anything so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else and isn’t forced on anyone. (Let’s just say that I went to a Roman Catholic school and not all the adults involved should have been around children - it left a lasting impact). All my children went to a community school and were withdrawn from any form of worship - they were in class to learn about different religions and beliefs but no praying etc. I always said that when they got to 18 they could make their own mind up, and dd1 did! After looking around at different religions she found the Church of latter-day saints (Mormon Church). I have to say, with the little I knew about it (and the fact that her bf happens to be mormon), I was more than a touch sceptical at first, but despite obvious pressures she seems to have genuinely considered other options and ruled them out, and decided mormonism is best fit for what she believes, though she is staying strong to her core values and not blindly following (I consider this a success). 

Anyway, dd1 came back from the week away with a new found appreciation for all my years of giving her strong morals but without any religious ties to it. A lot of how they have been brought up is essential christian in thinking but just with zero god references. She was suddenly very grateful and I think for the first time in her life realised that I didn’t have an issue with belief, I just wanted her to feel like she always had a choice and that it was ok to stand up and say something if something didn’t fit right with her. And she does - she must be one of the few mormon women who are very anti-patriarchy! 🤣 Oh to be a fly on the wall for some of the conversations she has had with the bishop. Coming afresh to it all, she is like that little kid who’s always asking ‘but why?’. She is just genuinely curious and it seems to go down well with the people at the church so she’s obviously challenging in a respectful more mature way than just that annoying little kid. 🙂

The biggest news dd1 came back with is she has decided she wants to go on a mission before university. She is still very set on cognitive neuroscience and then a clinical masters (I think I have that right), but before then she wants to sign up for an 18month volunteering placement I somewhere in Europe. It sounds like it would be a great opportunity to stretch her wings so I am very supportive, but it will mean that instead of seeing her every holiday from uni (i.e. lots), she would instead be gone for 18months solid and we’d only get to hear from her for a short time every Monday. 😱 She has to go through a few stages before she gets to apply, and she still intends to apply to uni this year just in case but crikey, it was a bit of a bombshell. I even got cuddled! Bless her, she may be super independent but she still very clearly loves and misses us. 🥰

EatingBeans

And that brings me to today. 

I am pleased to report that it has been another no spend day! 🎉

Not only that, but I finally managed to get out into the garden and pin netting up over two arches and wind my plants onto it so they can finally grown upwards! This wasn’t all about the plants though. By adding the netting between these arches and the existing ones, I have finally completed my tunnel and blocked ‘Little dog’ from getting to her favourite spot along the low next door neighbour’s fence - where she stands to peer over and, when wound up, frantically barks at the dog/people next door. It was a good job done as it is also where the little grandson who comes to visit likes to come to the fence to see the dogs (no matter how much I warn the adults and him that it is not a good idea). ‘Big dog’ is an absolute softy but ‘Little dog’ is still reactive and even if I can get her much more used to people I would still never trust her with people at that fence. I know the little boy means no harm but imo adults should know better than to let a child bark at a clearly anxious dog and then try and pet it on the head, especially when his face is at the height of the dog’s face when he is right next to the fence! If it was my fence I would simply replace it with 6ft panels but I can't, so I am stuck building a barrier in any way I can. I know it is my responsibility to keep her from harming anyone and I am trying my best in that respect, but it does frustrate me that they don’t seem to think they should do anything about their dog and child’s behaviour which clearly winds ‘Little dog’ up. For 90% of the time ‘Little dog’ runs around my garden playing with her brother or digging holes etc., all the time ignoring the incessant barking from their dachshund. If we so much as step into my garden their dog rushes out barking and runs back and forward non-stop all the time we are there, but they say nothing and let it. When ‘Little dog’ finally snaps and barks back, she is apparently the worst dog in the world. The only difference I can see is size! If the dachshund had bigger legs and was the size of my ‘Little dog’(who is a Labrador, for anyone who missed that part of my diary), then clearly it would also be standing up at the fence, but because it can’t, then apparently it is totally acceptable to let it continually runaround barking like crazy all the time. I am 100% convinced if it wasn’t barking, neither would ‘Little dog’. When their dog and child isn’t there, the most ‘Little dog’ does is look over the fence and then goes on about her business, no barking in sight. 😞 Apologies, rant over. 😬

The good news is, I already had everything I needed to fix the netting and the plants are already in the ground so that bit of the fence is now all sorted and nothing spent. 🎉 I am planting a small section of privet for the next bit along and I already have that grown to a bushy 3ft high in a trough, it just needs planting. Thankfully, apart from turning pretty yellow, the privet seems to have survived the drought from my weeks of non watering, and is looking a bit happier now watering has started again. I fed it a bit too today as I am fairly sure the compost it is growing in is probably now pretty exhausted. So, next job will be to do more digging through the gravel infested soil and plant that along the fence to create another barrier. It will leave a small triangle of space and I am debating whether to fill it with an off cut of bamboo from the other end of the tunnel. The space isn’t very big (1.5-2ft at most), so the bamboo would forever need keeping in check (it is clumping but would still outgrow the space), but it would ensure no sneaky dog (or child’s hand/face), get’s through the gap. Hmm, something to ponder. 🤔 I’ll probably do it and add a bit to the other side of the tunnel entrance to to even it off aesthetically, and then spend the next however many years pulling bamboo shoots out and regretting my life choices! 🤣 

Pollie

Whilst I know you are trying not to spend, would it be worth investing in a couple of spiky hedging plants such as firethorn, berberis or hawthorn? 

EatingBeans

Honestly, I am a complete chicken when it comes to prickly hedging. 🤣 And knowing Little dog she would leap into it first and ask question later, followed by a vet trip from some random infection knowing her! That said, it is a good idea and I might even be able to source a bit of hawthorn from my mum’s if I do find somewhere suitable as she has lots. Something to think about. 👍

kmcld2

I’ve sat and read all 82 pages over the last few days. What an incredible lady you are! You will get rid of your debt, of that I am sure. I just wanted to jump on and wish you the very best of luck with your interview today - you can do it!
With regards to your TN, have you considered alternative medicine? (Hope you don’t mind me asking)
Anyway, again sending so much luck to you today.

1stTimer

Good luck with your interview 🤞

Cherryfudge

All the best for the interview! Remember how good you are, you have such a lot to offer!