Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

That’s it, I have put my foot down with dd2. Not in an ‘I’m mad’ way, but rather ‘I am broke and can’t afford to be so nice, ‘aka taken for granted’’ way. 

I’ve given her fair warning that I will not be paying for her new bus pass in September (they have stopped selling her old one and the next cheapest one is double the price), so instead I am giving her £20 for emergencies and the rest of the time she will have to scavenge a lift with her sister, me if I have nothing on, or she’ll have to pay for herself, or walk. It is 3.5miles so it is not unreasonable to want to get the bus, but she is now 17yrs old so it’s about time she got a job and started paying her way a bit. 

I’ve also said I will only continue paying her monthly allowance if she starts volunteering somewhere while she is job hunting. It’s really for her own good as lazing around all summer is doing her no good, and any volunteering she manages to do will no doubt help her in her job search. Realistically the dd2 related budget lines are the biggest expense I can still reasonably cut. I don’t want to fall out with her because we have such a good relationship but she is far more of a drain on my resources than she needs to be at her age.

dd2 was not overly keen on the news as I am sure you can imagine. She has spent the evening intermittently telling me that she is mad with me, but the fact that she is just telling me rather than shouting or slamming doors etc tells me that she clearly knows that what I am asking is not actually unreasonable. She still cooked us a roast (it was a job I pay her for on Sundays but she considered it too hot yesterday), and then we sat and watched tv together so I’m guessing she is not really that mad. I shared a bit of my chocolate with her to soften the blow. 😁

weenancyinAmerica

There are products that can help remove scratches on cars - or can you just repaint it? Dealers here sell small cans of the car colors just to cover up scratches and other damage. 

honeybee1234

Just read about you paying £400 per month in interest 😱 Any 0% cards are going to cushion that so it's great you have one on the go for now. 

EatingBeans

weenancyinAmerica said:

There are products that can help remove scratches on cars - or can you just repaint it? Dealers here sell small cans of the car colors just to cover up scratches and other damage. 

Thanks for the suggestions. Given the damage I suspect it would have to be a repaint job but given that my 18yr old, just passed, daughter is still driving it, I think I will wait to see if it survives a year of her driving it before I consider repairing it. 🤣  

EatingBeans

honeybee1234 said:

Just read about you paying £400 per month in interest 😱 Any 0% cards are going to cushion that so it's great you have one on the go for now. 

Yeah, £400 in interest a month is just shocking isn’t it. 😞 And come October it will go up even more as more of my old 0% deals come to an end!

It is scary to think that I now pay more towards my debt each month than I do towards my mortgage! 😬 Then I think about how rich I will feel when all the debt is gone and I have all that money to do something better with!

honeybee1234

Just wanted to say I think the debt figures update at the start of the month is such a good idea, I really like how it gives the bigger picture doing it like that *makes notes for start of September!* Keep plugging away at it @EatingBeans!

ETA - are there any 0% deals you can take up now or no? 

Brunette84

EatingBeans said:

That’s it, I have put my foot down with dd2. Not in an ‘I’m mad’ way, but rather ‘I am broke and can’t afford to be so nice, ‘aka taken for granted’’ way. 

I’ve given her fair warning that I will not be paying for her new bus pass in September (they have stopped selling her old one and the next cheapest one is double the price), so instead I am giving her £20 for emergencies and the rest of the time she will have to scavenge a lift with her sister, me if I have nothing on, or she’ll have to pay for herself, or walk. It is 3.5miles so it is not unreasonable to want to get the bus, but she is now 17yrs old so it’s about time she got a job and started paying her way a bit. 

I’ve also said I will only continue paying her monthly allowance if she starts volunteering somewhere while she is job hunting. It’s really for her own good as lazing around all summer is doing her no good, and any volunteering she manages to do will no doubt help her in her job search. Realistically the dd2 related budget lines are the biggest expense I can still reasonably cut. I don’t want to fall out with her because we have such a good relationship but she is far more of a drain on my resources than she needs to be at her age.

dd2 was not overly keen on the news as I am sure you can imagine. She has spent the evening intermittently telling me that she is mad with me, but the fact that she is just telling me rather than shouting or slamming doors etc tells me that she clearly knows that what I am asking is not actually unreasonable. She still cooked us a roast (it was a job I pay her for on Sundays but she considered it too hot yesterday), and then we sat and watched tv together so I’m guessing she is not really that mad. I shared a bit of my chocolate with her to soften the blow. 😁

I understand to a degree what you are saying but she is only 17 and while she is still living at home and in fulltime education she is your responsibility so to say that she is a drain on your resources is a bit harsh. You will still be getting child benefit for her and possibly child maintenance from her dad? When i was at college they had bursaries and also something called the discretionary fund which could help students with travel fees so maybe she could look into that? Household income is means tested for a reason for students. Its so hard for young ones now to get a job especially without work experience. My son is 20 and i supported him throughout school and then college and i was up to my eyes in debt as well as a lower income than what i am now. When he started working fulltime he started to pay a contribution to the house and he now buys his own food. Let her be a kid just a little bit longer and try not to put too much pressure on her to find a job. College and uni is supposed to be a fun time not stressing about finding work, that comes after.

EatingBeans

Thanks for your thoughts @Brunette84 we all have different ways of bringing up children - they are all so different, no one approach works for all. 

You are correct that I get Child Benefit for her but I don’t get any maintenance, never have. Her father turned into an abusive alcoholic who drained me of far more money than her ever gave to me and I am better off having zero contact as are the children (the CAFCASS report supported this). We’ve been through the trauma of the court process and dragging that out is not worth it for the few quid they might make him pay - he is no longer working so doesn’t have much to give (no legal incomes anyway). 

My stance on when the kids get a job is I encourage it when it is good for them. dd1 got her first job at 17 and is very happy that I supported her to do it. She now has two jobs (by choice - I keep having to rein her in from working too many hours). She loves having so much cash to spend/save and she has even been teaching her friends how to budget. She is getting consistent A’s in her A levels mocks so it can’t be doing her much harm.

I have the opposite problem with dd2. She needs a job (or at least volunteering) as she is spending all her days doing nothing and it is making her depressed. She needs to have a purpose to get up, go out and do something. She is not interested in hobbies anymore and she is very introverted with very few friends who are always busy (mostly on holiday in another country). She spends most of her time with me which is lovely but not necessarily good for her. Yes, she is a drain on my resources but there is a difference between wants and needs and my issue is that she doesn’t understand the difference very well. I actually think I am doing her a disservice if I don’t step in and do something so that she grasps the value of money a bit better. I will of course be there as a safety net and I am happy to effectively pay her for volunteering so she gets experience that will help her in her job search and she can learn a bit more about budgeting and needs vs wants at the same time. Doing that wont save me money but it will give her life skills.

I don’t think 17 is an unreasonable age to ask someone to pick up a part time job. I worked from the age of 13 and moved out at 17 (by choice). I was given the skills to be a fully fledged adult at 18 and I am very grateful to my own mum for having the faith in me to let me try whilst I was still at home where she could catch me if I screwed up. It’s confidence building imo. 

EatingBeans

honeybee1234 said:

Just wanted to say I think the debt figures update at the start of the month is such a good idea, I really like how it gives the bigger picture doing it like that *makes notes for start of September!* Keep plugging away at it @EatingBeans!

ETA - are there any 0% deals you can take up now or no? 

Thanks for the support @honeybee1234
The 0% offers will make a huge difference when I get that far but not much available atm. Lots of juggling needed but I will get there! 

EatingBeans

Eagerly awaiting my Tails.com delivery of dog food today. I got a discount code for JustEat which means I got the first month of a tailor-made dog food free (£2 delivery). Obviously I will be instantly cancelling this outrageously expensive subscription once I have received my free stuff, but it will be interesting to see what it’s like since it should have been £53.26 for the 12kg bag that I am getting. Comparing ingredients I think my current food is actually better quality but £2 for what looks like decent enough food I can get behind. I am certainly not paying £53.26 for it! 🤣