Teetering on the brink

EatingBeans

oh I 100% agree with not judging people for giving up a dog. I myself have rehomed a dog when the kids were little because it became apparent that my cocker spaniel hated being around my children. She wasn’t reactive and the kids were very good with all our pets (we had two other labradors, Big cat, chickens, guinea pigs, thousands of fish, a whole flock of chickens and a duck at the time), but the little cocker just wasn’t happy in such a busy household. So for her sake (purely because I loved her so much I wanted her to be happy), I found her a lovely child free older couple to take her on instead. Every dog and owner has their own story and sometimes it really is in a dogs best interest to find another home. Little dog, as reactive as she is, really doesn’t fall into that category. She absolutely adores being with us and I think it would be very traumatising for her to be given to someone else. I just never realised until now how difficult life can be with a reactive dog. I always kind of assumed reactive dogs must have had something really bad happen to them but that Little dog proved that to be untrue. Yes, she missed the early socialisation period but apart from having a uti when she was little and an ear infection since then, nothing really has happened to her. She has never been attacked by another dog nor roughly handled by a person, just lots of patience, reward based training and cuddles. Yet still she loses her mind when she see another dog or a stranger looks at her. I am sure if I can stay well for long enough I will be able to get her more comfortable but for now we just have to find a way through the challenges.

Today all I can do for her is let her lay beside me and sleep. The pain is really bad and I am back to eating painkillers like they are smarties but still my pain is an 8 out of 10. I need to see the GP tomorrow and get not only more painkillers but also a fit note. As much as I want to be well enough to start the new job I am really doubting my ability to drive all the way to the south coast at the moment. I might be able to manage wfh if dosed up on lots of painkillers but how I can go in and work from an office is beyond me. Frankly I am borderline A&E level of pain atm. I am just desperate not to lose the job. 😞

ellenvan

You might be better to just go to A and E now. It's not giving in, just a precaution.

If you are on painkillers but they are not touching the pain, then something is wrong.

Too many painkillers obviously not too good for you anyway.

Sorry this is happening to you, just when a new start was beckoning. But long drives when unwell not really a good idea. But only you know if you can do it.

dawnybabes

gallbladders can be brutal, I drove to a and e in the middle of the night and announced at reception I needed morphine ! (I avoid doctors/hospital like the plague! )

in_need_of_direction

I’m not sure where you are based but I know there’s an Essex based charity that provides volunteer dog walkers for people who are incapacitated.

EatingBeans

Well I made it as far as the GP yesterday and got a bunch more painkillers to hopefully last me three weeks. Sometimes they work and I feel like I will be able to start the new job on time, other times I am not even able to get off the sofa. 😕 The GP told me they have ruled out gallstones and the next test is to look for sphincter of oddi dysfunction. I’ve never heard of it before but apparently it is something to do with the muscles that control the flow of digestive juices from the liver and pancreas into the small intestine go into spasm or get too small or something. All I know is it feels like someone is blowing up a balloon under my ribs and it hurts like hell! When I was in hospital I was getting morphine several times a day but now I have to survive on ‘just’ Tramadol and paracetamol. Honestly, I am just done with it now.

I am on a low fat diet but knowing how I often struggle with cooking I’ve been looking around for a solution that I could actually manage even when I am struggling. So, at great expense, I am not eating microwaveable meals from Field Doctor. To be fair they are tasty and very obviously much healthier than all other microwaveable meals I have ever tried but they do come at a cost. I thought I’d give them a go for a month whilst I am waiting for my tests because it makes it easier to track what I am eating and include lots of variety without having to stand cooking whilst in pain, but even if I like them I will eventually have to mix other foods in to save cash. I do really like them though. As an added bonus there are lots that only have small pieces in so I can eat healthy without worrying about all the chewing setting off the TN. And because they are just microwaveable I don’t have to rely on dd2 to cook, plus I can take them with me in the van when I ever get that far.

As you can imagine, current progress on the van has ground to a halt. I really want to try and make some more progress this week but it will very much depend on how much pain I am in. One thing that did occur to me yesterday is if I need to I can just pull the dog crate out and create a bed directly on the floor using the foam. The fridge, toilet, power station and microwave would still all fit perfectly fine so as a quick fix that would work. The only thing I would need to do is put up the curtain for privacy. I am almost tempted to go somewhere local and try it out one night this week to see how I get on, that way I will have a better idea if I need to book a B&B of could manage in the van. I’ll see how I feel.

Money wise I am still just ticking along. I really should look at it all again and get back to selling on ebay/Vinted and doing surveys, but I just don’t feel up to it. I did spend rather a lot for dd2’s 18th birthday in a bid to make it special but now I am back to being careful with the exception of the Field Doctor meals. dd1 leaves for uni in a months time, then I can start using the front room (currently being used as her bedroom), to organise everything and start selling in earnest. The biggest hurdle for me when selling is there has just been no space. Eventually, once we have been through all the extra stuff we have in the house and either sold it or binned it, I will turn the room into my craft room and hopefully set up my business. But for now it makes sense to just wait the month until dd1 leaves and I am feeling a bit better.

One good thing money wise is my credit score has started improving now the big chunks I paid off are starting to be reported to the credit reference agencies. I can see I have a good chance of being approved for some long 0% credit cards so as soon as I have started the new job I will be applying. Whilst taking on more credit cards isn’t exactly what I wanted to do to get out of debt I would be stupid now not to consider it when I am looking at offers of a £5000 limit at 0% for 35 month at just a 3.15% fee. When I compare that to the 29.85% I am currently paying on the balance that I would move, it really is a no brainer. The less I pay in interest, the more I can pay off the debt.

EatingBeans

Sadly I don’t live in Essex and the Cinnamon Trust only works with those over 65 so neither work for me but thank you so much for the suggestions. I never knew there were any organisations like this so I will have a good look around to see if there is anything near me. The suggestions may also help others who find themselves in a similar position so all ideas welcome!

EatingBeans

After a few more handfuls of painkillers I finally felt just about well enough to walk one of the dogs today. I took Little Dog as she is generally much better on the lead than Big Dog (unless she goes over threshold then she loses her mind 😬). As usual she pottered along at heel even though she hasn’t been out for weeks - no doubt Big Dog would have pulled me like a train! Best of all she walked past lots of humans, from babies in prams, old people getting off buses, lots of kids on bikes together with screeching mothers telling the kids off, and she even didn’t bark once! (I was so proud!) She just looked at the people, checked back with me, and nicely took her well done treat. 🙂 She was so well behaved one of the children even asked to pet her! 😬 I was so glad he asked and didn’t just try because he would have got a right shock if he did! We even got half way around the park without Little Dog reacting to any of the dogs who had walked past (I sat on the floor with her for a while so she could just watch them all go past for a bit). Sadly we then approached a guy with his dog off the lead and despite trying to walk around and asking the owner to call his dog, it rushed at us and set Little Dog off big time. The guy was very apologetic as he ran over and wrestled his dog under control, but too late, Little Dog went into full on snarling, snapping and lunging mode until we managed to get past, and was on high alert from then on. 😞 To be fair to him his dog was clearly friendly and wanting to play, but perhaps he will learn to get off his phone a bit sooner when someone asks him to call his dog, rather than let it run at people with a muzzled dog! He was like “but she looks so lovely though”, well yes she does, but that will be the medication and all the work of the past two years of trying to get her to be ok in her own skin at every opportunity I get, but the muzzle is there for a reason!

Still, it was nice to get out and about, breathe some fresh air and feel the sun on my face. 😁☀️

Cherryfudge

Little Dog did so well - what a shame about the loose dog and inattentive owner. Perhaps he will be more aware in future.

satchmo1

Just a suggestion re a trial of sleeping in the van - how about trying whilst it is parked outside your home. That way you could always retreat to the comfort of your bedroom if your pain levels were unbearable.

EatingBeans

It’s a good suggestion but unfortunately I don’t have a drive so my van is always half on/half off the pavement and I would no doubt roll out of bed every two minutes! 🤣 After struggling to sleep even in my own bed the past few nights, I decided that it was probably safer to just book a bnb this time. I’ll still take everything with me as it will save me money and hopefully keep my tummy happier if I stick to the microwaveable meals I’ve been eating, but a good bed seems like an investment atm. If I get there early enough I might take a look at a few spots and test laying down on my make shift bed to get a feel for some spaces though. I have my eye on one particular cheap spot that looks nice and secure, tucked out the way and yet only a short walk to campus. It’s actually a private parking spot someone rents out but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than a bnb and actually more convenient!

Today has been a first day of preparing for Monday. I’ve removed the dog crate from the van and charged up the power station to 100% so I definitely wont need to worry about power. The van is full of diesel and I’ve been looking at what I will wear. Unfortunately I seem to be losing weight at 1lb A DAY at the moment 😱 so the trousers I just bought are now too big. I’ve ordered the next size down from Vinted but need to hunt through my old clothes for a back up pair in case it doesn’t arrive in time. Failing that, as an absolute last resort, I will have to go and buy a pair. 🤦‍♀️