Family don't understand my money concerns

Pollycat

saajan_12 said:

Surprised by some of the comments here.. 

You wouldn't be if you followed this advice:

TheSpectator said:

Suggest you read some of OP's other threads. This is one of many incidents.

Sapindus

SootySweep1 said:

Hi
Who else is going on the stag do ?
To me this sounds like your dad wanting to have a familiar face there. If it's your BIL + his mates & so potentially your dad won't know / be friendly with anyone else & worried he'll feel out of place. If so is there anyone else that could keep your dad company ?

If dad feels out of place why is he going at all?  Is dad bullied as well?

I agree with all who have said this seems like a totally unreasonable thing to threaten to "cut someone off" for.

I also don't agree with the idea of keeping in with them for the sake of an inheritance that may never materialise anyway.

Just take a stand and don't go.  

MikeL93

SootySweep1 said:

Hi
Who else is going on the stag do ?
To me this sounds like your dad wanting to have a familiar face there. If it's your BIL + his mates & so potentially your dad won't know / be friendly with anyone else & worried he'll feel out of place. If so is there anyone else that could keep your dad company ?

It is basically all my future B-I-L mates, his brother, his dad and my B-I-L who is married to my older sister as he is pally with all his mates so he will fit in there. There is pushing 30 people going in total and the majority of those are still into getting blind drunk every weekend.

My dad has admitted he doesn't want to go but feels like he has to go, he isn't a drinker at all anymore and I only drink rum and coke, nothing stronger than that so there is a chance we will sort of be left out anyway once there.

MikeL93

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

TheSpectator

MikeL93 said:

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

Do you really want your new family sucked into this toxicity. Now is the time to make that stand for them. Don't get into an argument, tell them it's not up for debate that you are not going.

What is your wifes view on this?

MikeL93

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

Do you really want your new family sucked into this toxicity. Now is the time to make that stand for them. Don't get into an argument, tell them it's not up for debate that you are not going.

What is your wifes view on this?

She is the same as me where when something erupts we try to act as a peacemaker. But she also thinks that if I don't want to go I shouldn't be forced to go. 

TheSpectator

MikeL93 said:

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

Do you really want your new family sucked into this toxicity. Now is the time to make that stand for them. Don't get into an argument, tell them it's not up for debate that you are not going.

What is your wifes view on this?

She is the same as me where when something erupts we try to act as a peacemaker. But she also thinks that if I don't want to go I shouldn't be forced to go. 

Well, hers is the only view you should be listening to.

MikeL93

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

Do you really want your new family sucked into this toxicity. Now is the time to make that stand for them. Don't get into an argument, tell them it's not up for debate that you are not going.

What is your wifes view on this?

She is the same as me where when something erupts we try to act as a peacemaker. But she also thinks that if I don't want to go I shouldn't be forced to go. 

Well, hers is the only view you should be listening to.

And it is, it is just more the controlling behaviour and complete lack of understanding from my family that is annoying us.

KxMx

You are unlikely to change the behaviour of others, what you can change and control is your reaction to it.
Pick your position and stick to it with them, have a good rant to each other, then brush it off and move on with your lives 🙂

TheSpectator

MikeL93 said:

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

TheSpectator said:

MikeL93 said:

Pollycat said:

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

I will be the first to admit I have had problems with standing up for myself. Even from being a kid because I didn't like confrontation I would back down just to please people or act as a peacemaker. But over the past few months/year I have started to speak up more but my family has interpreted that as me just being argumentative and wanting to distance myself from them.

Do you really want your new family sucked into this toxicity. Now is the time to make that stand for them. Don't get into an argument, tell them it's not up for debate that you are not going.

What is your wifes view on this?

She is the same as me where when something erupts we try to act as a peacemaker. But she also thinks that if I don't want to go I shouldn't be forced to go. 

Well, hers is the only view you should be listening to.

And it is, it is just more the controlling behaviour and complete lack of understanding from my family that is annoying us.

You can't control their reaction but they are trying to control you. Hopefully you take that stand and get on with your own life the way you want to live it.