Family don't understand my money concerns

Pollycat

You are not being forced into anything.
You have free will.
Use it. 
And say 'no'.
It sounds like your parents put your sister first. 
You need to put you and your family first.

Debbie9009

OP, I’m sorry you are in this situation, your family sound very controlling and bullying, and I agree that they may not be happy that you are so independent.  As per others here I think you should stick up for yourself and say you are not going, maybe even say you will be sorry to miss your Sisters wedding and will miss them if they cut you off, but you need to put your Son first.
Again as per others I think they will change their minds when they miss out on time with your son, and you will have set out how your relationship with them will be, hopefully stopping any other issues like this in the future.

Pollycat

Reading previous threads, I think the OP struggles with standing up for himself. 
He has his own family now and needs to put his big boy pants on and support them.

saajan_12

Surprised by some of the comments here.. extended family can a blessing for raising a child (it takes a village and all). Family relationships always involve some give and take.. attending the odd occasion you don't want to, listening to someone's rants one more time, stepping in when childcare falls through and you're stuck getting home in time, etc.. unplanned things that are hard to pay a stranger for. 

If you'd rather cut ties then that's absolutely your right, but you have to accept that could strain relationships to the point of not being able to spend time together at all, and a reduced village for your child. In this case, it sounds like they have actually listened to some of your concerns (around money at least) and paid for the ticket. Potentially the childcare could also be mitigated by asking mum to babysit that day too. Yes there's some spending money and accommodation needed - perhaps explain to them that you can't afford it and while you don't expect them to, you would only be able to go if the accommodation was covered. Then when there, skip one of the activities and video call back home at that time, pay for your share of some of the drinks, and drink soft drinks in between alcohol. Basically ends up at a small £ outlay plus a less enjoyable weekend. Not the worst to keep a family relationship especially ahead of a big wedding. 

booneruk

saajan_12 said:

If you'd rather cut ties then that's absolutely your right,

The way I've interpreted this thread so far is that it's the family that have threatened to cut ties. Personally if it was my family doing that, I'd tell them to go whistle. I'd rather not be bullied into things, and being bullied once means opening yourself up to consistent bullying.

As others have said, put your own family first. It's the number one priority.

oldernonethewiser

It is an unpleasant situation you find yourself in.

It seems your parents are tryng to control you and the fact that they have chosen to pay for a ticket for you may well be held over you at some point in the future.

If you genuinely cannot afford to go, then don't go. 

Only you can decide whether the potential breakdown in relationships with the rest of your family is worth all the agro.

I wish you well whatever you decide.

(I wouldn't go but then I'm an awkward b***ger)

TheSpectator

saajan_12 said:

Surprised by some of the comments here.. extended family can a blessing for raising a child (it takes a village and all). Family relationships always involve some give and take.. attending the odd occasion you don't want to, listening to someone's rants one more time, stepping in when childcare falls through and you're stuck getting home in time, etc.. unplanned things that are hard to pay a stranger for. 

If you'd rather cut ties then that's absolutely your right, but you have to accept that could strain relationships to the point of not being able to spend time together at all, and a reduced village for your child. In this case, it sounds like they have actually listened to some of your concerns (around money at least) and paid for the ticket. Potentially the childcare could also be mitigated by asking mum to babysit that day too. Yes there's some spending money and accommodation needed - perhaps explain to them that you can't afford it and while you don't expect them to, you would only be able to go if the accommodation was covered. Then when there, skip one of the activities and video call back home at that time, pay for your share of some of the drinks, and drink soft drinks in between alcohol. Basically ends up at a small £ outlay plus a less enjoyable weekend. Not the worst to keep a family relationship especially ahead of a big wedding. 

Suggest you read some of OP's other threads. This is one of many incidents.

KxMx

OP having read your previous threads I think you are doing really well. 

It's extremely hard breaking away from toxic family members, when you have been gaslighted and trapped in a pattern of behaviour. 

You and GF have the right idea talking about re visiting your childcare plan.

If you think things are bad now, wait until her precious grandson arrives. The sooner she has your independence emphasised, the better. 

Remember that broken record technique, choose your position, repeat the phrase and don't enter into any discussions, debates or other responses.
"You have unfortunately wasted your money on a plane ticket as I will not be going". 

onomatopoeia99

"If you want to see your grandchild again I suggest you stop telling me what to do."

Say that and mean it.

SootySweep1

Hi
Who else is going on the stag do ?
To me this sounds like your dad wanting to have a familiar face there. If it's your BIL + his mates & so potentially your dad won't know / be friendly with anyone else & worried he'll feel out of place. If so is there anyone else that could keep your dad company ?