2025 DECLUTTERING CAMPAIGN MrsSD - The Joy of Decluttering

daisy_1571

Oh florenceem, I'll tell you exactly what people will think.  Some will sympathise having been there themself, some will have little interest and go on with their own life, some will say wow that all happened so fast poor mr f, some the same thing but poor Mrs f. They would think he's in the right place to get 24 hour care, its too much for a single person to do 24 hours a day.  Some know that the benefits of full time care is that people come in to do their shift refreshed after their own rest, they do their 8 hours and can go off to refresh themselves again.  But in the main thats just so much apple sauce.  There are as many thoughts and opinions as there are people. Its your situation and only you know what the situation fully is.  You appear religious, is it worth praying for an answer that you both can feel happy with ?  I'm sure some people will go to your own organisation to talk things like this through.   Can you do that?  Can you go to another branch if you don't want to talk about such personal things to colleagues?

You say you wouldn't cope with a life where you relied on helpers.  For what its worth (and obviously its worth nothing as its not my situation), I think you would.   You might not cope well initially, but you'd cope.  After all you are coping now with a life heavily curtailed from your previous spontaneity.  You coped with him before and made all the right decisions for you both.

I'm hopeful that Mr f will regain his health like he did before and you can go back to being a couple, but im sorry to say you might need to be prepared for this conversation again in the future if he goes through this again. 

Sending hugs and love through the ether to you both for a peaceful night 

Dxxxx

~FlowerPot~

Florenceem, Im so sorry to hear of all the stress and worry you are going through with MrF. It clearly cannot carry on like this for you both. Is there any possibility that he could go into a home for respite. 

2 reasons for this, firstly it would give you a few days off to recover a bit and get some sleep without keeping one eye open and secondly, whilst at a care home they would be able to see what is going on first hand and they may be able to advise you on next steps or get the ball rolling with scans, Drs apps etc

(((big hugs)))

Tjh1412

Another slow day as work is still manic, 5 books to CS was all I managed. Raided the supermarket for the bits we needed and now trying to defrost with a cup of tea from the chilly walk back.

SuperLooperSaver- exciting we may he moving at the same time. Hope you get a date soon.

Plan for this evening post defrost is to sort though a box from the move labelled as misc random bits, bless my DP for the clarity there, so hopefully can find a few more bits for exiting the house tomorrow. 

-taff

@Florenceem It doesn't matter what other people think or say, they are not living your lives, you are. And it doesn't matter what age he is, people get struck down or incapacitated by illnesses no matter what their age. Do what you think is best for you both. If Mr F is well enough for input, well and good, if he isn't, then I'm afraid the ball is in your court and want to face it or not, the future will still come and you will cope. Fingers crossed for you both.

EcoIntent

Floss said:

EcoIntent said:

...In my dream life I have a china hire business but don’t think it is that likely. I’ll think on it some more... 

One way to consider the worth of possessions is whether they are useful in the life you live now, or one you have had in the past / fantasise about.

For example: I used to have a 145 sq/yd allotment so had a lot of gardening kit / clothing / seeds that I don't need for my 45 sq/m garden.

I also used to bake & decorate cakes professionally but don't any more (divorce & relocation) so I got rid of 75% of my tools / colourings / tins.

And as much as I fantasised about running my own vintage afternoon tea business I know it won't happen, so I don't need to keep that lovely tea set I bought 6 years ago just in case.

Really good point! Well done on downsizing especially as it must have been hard letting go of  things you used professionally ☹️. You have convinced me, sell two keep one. I’ll list them tomorrow in some good natural light. 

Worked again so outs are only food packaging used up today. I have sold a vintage cookbook on Ebay today for £15 plus postage, so that is packed and ready to be collected by Royal Mail tomorrow. I have a bit of a cookbook obsession. I did a huge cull last year but find it so hard to part with any. Currently though I am ok as all neatly stored and fit on my bookshelf. So as long as I do stick to one in and one out should be ok! 

Muddy_Walker

MrsF - does it really matter what people think? 

I have retyped this message a few times as I don’t want to make you sad or angry or hurt or feel you want to stop posting. You do so much for other people and there is nothing shameful in asking for help for you and MrF.  It could be practical or an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on or a prayer from SA.

i hope you sleep better tonight and have some clarity in the morning after some rest 

xxx

EcoIntent

Just caught up on the posts and joining everyone in thinking of you @Florenceem . Sending a virtual hug. 

There is definitely something going on for him to be experiencing this rapid increase in falls. Id echo what others have said re health intervention being needed and support from social services. You can get a carers assessment also and as previously mentioned respite could be good for you and Mr F to consider.

These things hit our identity terribly as it’s hard to come to terms with changes like this. However, what seems like something unthinkable can be adjusted to and people may well surprise you in a good way. Regardless anyone who is judgmental about your situation isn’t someone whose opinion matters. 

Muddy_Walker

BlueJ- over 40 plants!!!!!!! Wow ❤️ I certainly have nowhere near that amount and I don’t think hubby would let me.
Not that he dislikes them, not at all but when the light is better from about March, a green plantlet appears on almost every surface and I have been banned from using his home office windowsill……🤣

Siebrie

@Florenceem My Mum is 88, still healthy, and living on her own. She insists on a cleaner every week (provided by the council), so that she has the energy to have a social life. Her choice is very clear: she prefers to spend her energy on fun things (including church attendance) and outsources whatever she can.

Blue_Doggy

@Florenceem I’m so sorry to hear that things are no better with Mr F. Have you contacted the NHS 111 service? https://111.nhs.uk/ is the online part, it’s a digital triage service. You can also ring 111 and tell them Mr F’s symptoms and they will triage and advise. This is what they can do https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/

 

Not a lot done today, but my dog is not complaining because he had lots of extra cuddles! 🐶 I’ve been quite sleepy so let myself doze when I felt I needed to: I used to get cross with myself and fight it, but have realised I do need it and have to accept it. In this case it’s because I spent yesterday afternoon with friends, which was really lovely but also very tiring.
 

The only practical things I’ve done, apart from the normal chores, are to put four sheets of packing paper into the recycling bin (they’d got into the Christmas decs box when I put them down out of my hand in a hurry). This is a massive win, as usually I’d have smoothed them out, folded them carefully, and put them aside for future use. The other thing is to turn a load of the Christmas dried fruit (dates, figs, apricots) together with a couple of apples into a fruit compôte for breakfasts as a change from the usual porridge. 1 packet binned.