CrazyBee wants to be Mortgage Free!

CrazyBee787

I have foolishly just ordered take out, but somehow feel okay about it. I guess I was due a celebration and it is the last night with roomie. I'll have to wait until September when I should get £180 or ask for a bit more from the bank with regards the OPs. I do have another job interview and I need to make myself confident in order to get it, and avoid saying silly things. I did offer my services free of charge for two weeks which the recruiter said he would pass on, I am not sure he will, never mind, MDs idea it never seems to work, people know the legality of it and apparently it is not something they could do.

MD did cheer me up today, she said at least you are not like her lodger who also is finding it hard to get a job, he stays in bed through the morning until afternoon he never goes to any interviews and is generally a bit of a laybout - she said at least you are actively doing something, getting interviews and trying, she is right I need to remember that, although I am no further along I havemn't learnt anything, and I am equally a failure. However I am not going to think too long about how we are equally failing even if you try or not.

Tomorrow is a new day, there is an interview on friday to prepare for and maybe my continuing battle with myself for feeling like a failure I could actually ditch that feeling and get a job! I have to get the MOT done tomorrow and I have a photo viewing which I am sure will cheer me up. So lets brush off the dust and get up and get organised and keep trying, because if you are not trying you are just standing still.

dawnybabes

Sorry to hear about the job.  

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and sparkle ! 

beanielou

Sorry about the job.

CrazyBee787

dawnybabes said:

Sorry to hear about the job.  

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and sparkle ! 

beanielou said:

Sorry about the job.

Thank you guys.

Today I am getting the car MOT'd lets hope all goes well. And then I have a photo viewing which I am hoping will cheer me up.

Have a good day allXX

CrazyBee787

I need to turn the tide somehow, I have two interviews coming up both less money and both less challenging, but I am going for them, I will try my best. You know I thought the photo viewing would cheer me up, instead I am left with the decision to try and lose weight and know that I have absolutely no will power for it. I just know that I am going to stay fat for life unless I can be miraculously be inspired to shift it - which hasn't happened yet. I know I sound miserable and uninspired and a little lacking in self belief, I just know I don't have the power to lose weight I just know I like food too much, and I am generally sad, because of these rejections so it just ain't happening. Do you know what I want? I want to go to fat camp, but there is no way in hell that I can afford it even if I sell up and start again, fat camp is for the rich or those that have several tens of thousands in their account that they don't have a requirment for. Even if I backed myself sold my property and be homeless, could I actually promise to myself to keep the weight off? One look at something tasty, if I am hungry I go for it! The fact is I am staying fat so I better get used to it.

Literally I have tried everything, 5-2 - I ate like a beast on the off days and starved during the on days, I actually gained wieght by the end , normal  to me is weight gaining, so it never made sense to me. Slimming world you end up surrounding yourself with limited food choices because you are saving all your syns for chocolate! High protein is the most successful however when you try any carb, my god it is from famine to feast. MD said why not lose weight slowly well I would lose momentum very quickly and give up. I don't want to be chopped up but maybe that is the only answer, the trouble is I do like my food so what MD said was that I am likely to break my stomach if I was to have the op, and quite frankly I agree with her, it would either stretch out again or break, and quite frankly who wants to be operated on? I for one don't - however my psychiatrist recommended it...The trouble is I like my food too much.

I am lacking in drive, get up and go, however the support of SW group would be good and I used to like the podcasts, I think out of all of the options, I think I could see myself doing SW again. I could do with getting some pinch of nom books apaprently they are SW compatible and mind blowingly brilliant for flavour and satisfaction, a lot of peops I remember spoke about that some time ago. I really do want to do the group, also there is a thread on MSE for SW, I think I will sign up to it when I am sure I am ready. I need to eat down all the cereals first or not. I have spent a bit on my card why not a bit more just to get established on sw. I am also thinking I will batch cook and get an extra freezer from FB or free cycle, I am unsure about this jest yet as it would look like an eyesaw.