It won't happen overnight. But if I do nothing it won't happen at all. (MFW diary 5761)

Working_Mum

seventh88 said:

Right! This diary needs a serious shake up.

Challenges

- I've realised through writing this diary and working on my MFW goal that I feel insecure about my financial position. I compare myself to others a lot, particularly other people my age who are also solo homeowners. I tell myself that they're more intelligent than me, because they've figured out a way to make or save more money, because they're better skilled at work and have got that promotion, because this because that etc etc

- I am officially drawing the virtual line here. I have got to stop doing this! Who does it help? Does it help them? No. Does it help me? No. We all have different skills, abilities, opportunities and challenges in life. If I keep putting myself down because I'm not the smartest then I won't ever see and appreciate the value that I do have, and what I CAN do. I can only compare myself to myself, and when I do that, I can see that financially, things have improved for me each year and I'm making better and better choices than I did when I was younger - choices that look after my future self and that allow my present self to have some fun too.

- I feel afraid, depressed and lonely at times, because I have no one else financially to fall back on. But I'm not alone in this, I'm not special!! Millions of people are in the same situation! I am officially shaking this off, right here. I'm lonely at times, but I'm not alone - this forum has given me so much support and encouragement. I will no longer live in fear.

Successes

- I've upped my pension payments to 16% a month

- I'm ahead of schedule with my MFW goal for this year

- I've had some useful realisations and drawn a line

Next steps

1. I'm going to keep going with this diary

2. I'm going to keep going with my mortgage OPs

3. I'm going to explore the rest of the forum to see what else I can find about making extra money or saving/investing better (any pointers welcome, this place is mamoth) 

Thank you all as always for your support, understanding and cheerleading. 

I am sorry I missed this pivotal post seventh88 - it sounds a really powerful way of positioning your thoughts. 

The only piece of advice I'd share is to be kind to yourself whilst you transition your thinking and behaviours. Congratulate yourself on your wins however small; they really do add up over time.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings (whatever they are) but don't unpack and live in the negatove ones that don't serve you and your future self!

I follow the Gardening thread, the Old Style thread and then various individual threads - you click on the little ribbon icon to "bookmark" them. Over the years I've followed other threads but these two are the main ones. I feel sure you'll find ones which resonate with you an support your plan.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend when it gets here!

((WM))

seventh88

@beanielou - thanks for your encouragement and positivity

@working_mum - thank you for your kind words and cheerleading, and you're right about letting myself have the feelings but not live in them. Being kind to myself is very important, and I had a wonderful evening on a random Wednesday y'know just relaxing, having a coffee, I loved it. Not expensive, but just time to myself, not working and not feeling like I should be working. I'm trying to do more things like this! Oo thanks for the thread tips, I'll have a look over there now. Thank you and take care

seventh88

Hi everyone,

i hope you’re well and having a good week.

Here’s an update from me:

Challenges
1. Every time someone mentions a holiday, i get jealous lol. I think this is a sign that i need to think about allocating some funds for a wee adventure. Something that’s within my means but still feels like a new and fresh exploration.

Successes
1. I have an interview for the job i applied for. It’s not til the end of the month, so there’s time to prep which i appreciate. It’s not a pay rise, more a sideways move, but it may mean a better working environment and more opportunities in future.
2. I’ve increased my hours in my current job for this month
3. Spending (or lack of it!) is going pretty well actually! I’m not feeling deprived, i’m just getting a better sense of what i truly want to do and spend my money and energy on
4. I’m exploring the MSE forum more (thanks for the links @Working_Mum) and am picking up more great tips there on how to save more/spend less
5. I struggle to keep up with diaries on here as there’s lots of conversation on them, but i’m still popping in here and there and also finding the MF role of honour a huge inspiration. I can’t wait for the day when I can post there too!
6. I have been able to put more into my MFW fund this month and am now amazingly over half way to my target goal for this year (1.5k of 3k) which i’m really proud of and seems to have happened quite smoothly actually
7. Above all, my mood is doing much better in respect to my finances. I am getting better at ‘staying in my lane’, so to speak, and comparing myself less. 

What’s next?
1. Interview prep
2. Keep going with mindful spending on things i truly value
3. Look at planning a wee holiday maybe!

Thank you all for your support, inspiration, encouragement and cheerleading.

beanielou

Great mortgage OP’s. 

LadyWithAPlan

seventh88 said:

Right! This diary needs a serious shake up.

Challenges

- I've realised through writing this diary and working on my MFW goal that I feel insecure about my financial position. I compare myself to others a lot, particularly other people my age who are also solo homeowners. I tell myself that they're more intelligent than me, because they've figured out a way to make or save more money, because they're better skilled at work and have got that promotion, because this because that etc etc

- I am officially drawing the virtual line here. I have got to stop doing this! Who does it help? Does it help them? No. Does it help me? No. We all have different skills, abilities, opportunities and challenges in life. If I keep putting myself down because I'm not the smartest then I won't ever see and appreciate the value that I do have, and what I CAN do. I can only compare myself to myself, and when I do that, I can see that financially, things have improved for me each year and I'm making better and better choices than I did when I was younger - choices that look after my future self and that allow my present self to have some fun too.

- I feel afraid, depressed and lonely at times, because I have no one else financially to fall back on. But I'm not alone in this, I'm not special!! Millions of people are in the same situation! I am officially shaking this off, right here. I'm lonely at times, but I'm not alone - this forum has given me so much support and encouragement. I will no longer live in fear.

Successes

- I've upped my pension payments to 16% a month

- I'm ahead of schedule with my MFW goal for this year

- I've had some useful realisations and drawn a line

Next steps

1. I'm going to keep going with this diary

2. I'm going to keep going with my mortgage OPs

3. I'm going to explore the rest of the forum to see what else I can find about making extra money or saving/investing better (any pointers welcome, this place is mamoth) 

Thank you all as always for your support, understanding and cheerleading. 

Personally I think your successes and your goals make you a very successful person ! 
I have been supporting so many friends this month on the state pension buy back missing ni  years and the amount of them who have  consistently made £50-£70k or over £100k  a year or more and not done any planning for the future .. nor got their mortgage down is scary 
You in comparison are focused and winning - go 16% pension contributions! You have made wise choices and that mortgage will get gone with your focus 
Can I suggest you do a daily 5 or 10 items of gratitude list before you sleep each night ?

I am also single no dependents and yet to actually buy a home - I had a hugely successful career super well paid but gave it up to follow my dreams so I earn ok now but am ‘behind ‘ financially it could be argued on pension/ home etc - however I have had decades now of an incredible life - world travelling (just on a cheaper budget ) and full of experiences - 
I saw people in my career (banking ) just working and splurging and their overheads were insane with the family holidays etc so they have to work 60 hr weeks to feed the huge bills 
or going thru divorces and they are bitter on the wealth they lost 
or going thru a divorce and realising they have made no plans for their future .. 
Therefore I understand I made my choices and refuse to regret them - this is my life and I am standing tall  and independent & that’s how I see you 

maybe you could start a daily journal (google morning pages) and see what you can add to your life to make you  more content and happy - maybe a new hobby that’s affordable, new social circles 

seventh88

Thanks @beanielou, I feel proud! 

Thanks @LadyWithAPlan, this is encouraging and interesting to hear. There have been times when I have thought ‘why didn’t I go into banking/finance’! It helps to hear stories from the other side.

But that said, like you, following my dreams and having meaningful work is important to me. When I look back across my work over the past 15-20yrs, it’s really shaped and grown me as a person, and I’ve met some incredible people. It’s stressful at times but in terms of money to live off, I have everything I need and more. 

I agree - morning pages are really helpful, I’ve done them for a couple of years now and wouldn’t be without it. I do keep a gratitude list, but add to it a bit more sporadically rather than every day, it tends to be 30 things once every couple of weeks or something!! 

Thank you for all your encouragement and cheerleading. 

doingitanyway

I've just read your whole thread. Some great posts, for example the last one from @LadyWithAPlan.

I am on the other side MF and DF (although I've built up a small debt recently ...high hundreds)

I paid off both as a solo and it was hard sometimes, but I feel so proud of myself for doing it. 
 understand the loneliness of not having anyone else to help or share in decision making...the feeling of the buck stops here...

The horrors of tradesmen and repairs don't go away. Being a homeowner requires repairs and decisions about the house for as long as you own it. I try to build community. Keep on top of any repairs. Build a list of personally recommended trades. Keep the EF topped up when you can (mine is empty now but I am aware and will build it once my debt is repaid)

Don't forget to enjoy life. Build a sod it fund. Have the holiday...it can be a day trip to the seaside, a weekend abroad...but go...life is to be enjoyed, not slogged through. Find what gives you joy then do it! 

You are super organised and you are doing great.
I've bookmarked your diary.

BookWorm

Hello. I've just happened across your diary and wanted to say hi. 

I'm also doing the mortgage journey solo (and general life!) It can be hard at times and I totally understand your worry about not having someone as a back up. Sometimes it would be good to have someone to talk with about the (what can seem like endless) decisions with. I'm not sure I can offer any more advice to that you have already received. Perhaps just to say stick with it...it's totally worth it! Also the low times pass, especially if you can find one or a few things to be grateful for.

Best of luck with your MF journey

BW

seventh88

Hi @doingitanyway, thank you for getting in touch and for reading the whole thread. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in how I've been feeling and inspiring to hear that you felt really proud to have achieved MF and DF on your own - that is amazing!! It's always great to hear from people 'from the other side', it encourages me to think that I'll make it there too one day and motivates me to keep going. Ha ha, yes, keeping on top of repairs, oh it's ongoing isn't it, I feel like houses are a living, breathing, thing to look after. You're right about the 'sod it' fund and still enjoying life. It's a challenge at times to get that balance, but I'm reminding myself that I need it, that having that fun time too makes the MF journey so much easier and more enjoyable. Thank you for your words of encouragement

Hi @BookWorm, welcome and thank you for reading my diary. It's good to meet someone else doing the mortgage journey solo, as I really don't know many people in my face-to-face life that are. It does feel like endless decisions at times, and I try and spread it out throughout the year if I can!! Makes it a little better!! 'Stick with it' is good advice, when things feel rough it's tempting to want to change direction, but sometimes we actually just need to keep quietly, steadily, doing the same thing repeatedly in order to get that snowball effect, don't we? It's not that glamorous but the effects can be huge.Thank you for your kind words

beanielou

I did the mortgage journey solo. I have done the debt journey too.Was debt free but now in debt again!