It won't happen overnight. But if I do nothing it won't happen at all. (MFW diary 5761)

seventh88

Hi @Working_Mum, you're right - and what's the saying? - "confidence is quiet, insecurities are loud". I think the thing is, I'm insecure!! I just...I'm getting there, I know it's nudging in the right direction but what you said about
"Once you're content with yourself, your choices, where you are in life these types of comments roll off you" resonated with me, because the comments don't roll off me at the moment. I don't really share where I'm at financially with other people, but quietly inside when someone shares that they've been on the fourth holiday of the year or they're able to buy their home outright etc, and they're the same age as me and also single... I think that's when I do the comparison and my heart just internally sinks and thinks 'what's wrong with me? why couldn't I get it together and make the progress they've made in life? Why aren't I more intelligent, why couldn't I get a better job that paid what they're earning etc'.

Hi @V3cash thanks for reading back through the entries and for all your thoughts and suggestions, I've heard of Mel Robbins, she sounds like an inspiration to many and the app you have sounds useful. I've started using the Good Budget App and it's really helped.

Idreamofplants

Hi seventh88 - hope you are beginning to feel a bit brighter soon.  There are certain people in my life I know I find it hard not to compare themselves to.  I can be derailed from a place of contentment pretty quickly by going down the rabbit hole of why isn't my life like theirs.  I try and refocus on my priorities each day & make sure I do exercise and get outside.  Simple things are the important things. 

seventh88

This is very true @Idreamofplants, I think that when those thoughts crop up I just need to abandon them and go and do something else, refocus on swimming in my own lane really. because no good comes of it when I try an analyse why I haven't got to where they are etc etc!! It's reassuring to hear I'm not alone in this at least. thank you

beanielou

Saw this today and thought of you. 

seventh88

This is so true @beanielou - I will save this and put it somewhere I can see it regularly to remind me!! Thank you for thinking of me 

Working_Mum

I hope you are feeling perkier seven88 - you should be proud of the choices you've made and how you are moving your life forward.

I know I used to feel very jealous of others who had more holidays than me or a bigger house or nicer clothes....or whatever but once I started to do a lot of work on myself and what was important to me other people's thoughts, feelings about me, their shenanigans, holidays etc mattered less and less to me. I am genuinely thrilled for my friends and celebrate their successes wholeheartedly but I know their choices wouldn't sit comfortably with me as I head towards my own goals.

Sadly I think social media encourages behaviour which can make you feel "less than" so I have taken myself off X and Insta - it really wasn't good for my mental health and now I invest time and energy into curating my own life and hanging out with people who lift me up. Who you hang out with is super important too. It's one of the reasons I love this forum is that so many posters are on the same page as me and I learn something every day.

We'll be here cheering you on as you work towards your life goals and dreams.

((WM))

seventh88

Thanks so much for your kind words @Working_Mum. It’s reassuring to hear that you also used to feel this way but that with time, practice and work on yourself, you’ve been able to shed that feeling. There’s hope for me too. You’re right about social media, it definitely fuels that comparison. 

My mortgage free journey needs a shake up. I will think about this. 

This forum continues to amaze me and lift me, and this is where I need to hang out more. 

I’m really touched by the generosity of strangers on the internet, giving their time and encouraging words. Thank you all. 

seventh88

Right! This diary needs a serious shake up.

Challenges

- I've realised through writing this diary and working on my MFW goal that I feel insecure about my financial position. I compare myself to others a lot, particularly other people my age who are also solo homeowners. I tell myself that they're more intelligent than me, because they've figured out a way to make or save more money, because they're better skilled at work and have got that promotion, because this because that etc etc

- I am officially drawing the virtual line here. I have got to stop doing this! Who does it help? Does it help them? No. Does it help me? No. We all have different skills, abilities, opportunities and challenges in life. If I keep putting myself down because I'm not the smartest then I won't ever see and appreciate the value that I do have, and what I CAN do. I can only compare myself to myself, and when I do that, I can see that financially, things have improved for me each year and I'm making better and better choices than I did when I was younger - choices that look after my future self and that allow my present self to have some fun too.

- I feel afraid, depressed and lonely at times, because I have no one else financially to fall back on. But I'm not alone in this, I'm not special!! Millions of people are in the same situation! I am officially shaking this off, right here. I'm lonely at times, but I'm not alone - this forum has given me so much support and encouragement. I will no longer live in fear.

Successes

- I've upped my pension payments to 16% a month

- I'm ahead of schedule with my MFW goal for this year

- I've had some useful realisations and drawn a line

Next steps

1. I'm going to keep going with this diary

2. I'm going to keep going with my mortgage OPs

3. I'm going to explore the rest of the forum to see what else I can find about making extra money or saving/investing better (any pointers welcome, this place is mamoth) 

Thank you all as always for your support, understanding and cheerleading. 

seventh88

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well. 

Here's an update from me:

Challenges

1. Bills rising in April. This affects us all, I know. I initially freaked out a bit and then I said 'no', I'm not freaking out about this. I'm choosing to live positively. I can choose how I respond, and the bottome line is: 1) I've done everything I can to reduce my bills 2) I can pay them. What more do I need? It's enough.

Successes

1. I'm on track to be able to add a little more to my mortgage OP pot at the end of the month, on top of the regular payments I'm making. Why? I'm not spending as much. I'm much better at putting things back in the supermarket that I don't need, and the app I'm using (Good Budget) really helps me to keep on track. I think this is a better route for me than trying to make more money through side hustles.

Next steps

I'm applying for a new job this week. It's a sideways move, so no extra money, but it could be a much nicer working environnment. Keep everything crossed for me!!

Thanks as always for your support everyone.

beanielou

Positive vibes your way