Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask our daughter and her boyfriend to start paying us rent?

Pollycat

Emmia said:

Really the parents just need to grasp the nettle, and have a frank conversation with the daughter / son in law 

TBH, that would solve almost all MMDs...

nairnite

100% they should be paying. They are using you as a way of saving more money!!! Selfish and thoughtless.

Tell them to cough up say £600 a month for the two of them and to also pay a lump sum in arrears. 

You should have addressed this back in May/June. Even at £600 a month they are still getting a big favour from you both as they are impinging on your privacy and life!

I think you will find that they will quickly finish their renovations and move out, which would be the correct answer. 

Southendormargate

How long can it take to decorate a house?

Gemmie57

Absolutely they should be contributing especially as it appears they earn much more than you do.  When my daughter and her family were moving house we put the children up for a couple of weeks and the adults for a few days, but didn't charge them as it was only temporary.  We would have charged if it was for longer than this.  I'm always amazed to hear about young working people living with their parents who don't contribute financially and even where the parents still pay their phone bills and other costs.  This is not treating the young people as adults and preparing them for adult life.

Rockiegirl

Ask how long she intends to stay, if it’s not much longer then maybe you should carry on as you are.  Really you should have set this in place 5 months ago.  If they intend to stay for a few more months ask her to contribute to a bill as it would help out with Christmas costs heating bills etc.  

Gemmie57

Menace101 said:

Annual salaries don't mean anything when a house costs a ridiculous amount of money these days in comparison to 20,30,40 years ago. Especially now. Young people are struggling and trust me when I say that no one if they had the choice would want to leave with their parents as an adult. The choice is simply not really there. 

I don't see why you would need to charge her rent, and whilst you didn't mention it I would hope she is at least contributing towards food shop, treats etc for all of you whilst she's there. If that's not happening amd she's purely leeching, I'd probably ask her for a further share towards water, elec, food (probably not council tax ) if that has had an impact.

Hope you get it all sorted out. 

I can assure you that couples starting out 40 years ago spent more than half their joint income on a mortgage and endowment policy we had to have to pay the capitla.  When you got your mortgage at 15% and it went up to 17% you had to suck it up as there weren't fixed rate mortgages and remortgaging wasn't possible unless you sold your house.  We coildn't afford new furniture, a car, holidays, eating out, takeaways or lots of things struggling young people seem to need nowadays.
Yes the couple should defintely contribute!

HuckleberryCat

You say they have been with  you for 5 months. It would have been better if you had anticipated this, but maybe you didn't think it would take so long; I believe they should pay you at least the cost of them being with you, electricity, food, etc. You can truthfully say you have been glad to help but it has been longer than expected, and your own finances mean that you need them to pay their costs. Next is to decide whether it's 5 months and going forward or just from now on.  I suggest definitely ask for payment from now on. If you don't ask for the full 5 months they have already had, you will come across as generous, and I hope they will appreciate that. Be realistic about the costs you have incurred and charge what it has cost you. By way of comparison, you could check out what it would have cost them to rent instead of stay with you, but you may not want to charge them that because you could be making money from your children, and that generally leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

thedr

Given the circumstances, with your finances being so tight, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask your daughter to make a contribution. You must decide what’s reasonable. She’s putting £1000 away each month in savings and her joint income with partner is £120000. I think her “rent” should cover at least expenses, eg proportion of food, energy, council tax etc. And you may want to add on a little more for the room, depending on what others in your area charge for a room. Whether you charge them 100% of what others might charge is a conversation for you to have with your partner. 

bigpat

At £120k a year they are probably among the top 5% of earners in the UK. And they're taking 5 months (and counting) to redecorate?

If they have completely gutted the house and it's not currently livable, they should be paying you rent. Maybe not full market value but a decent amount. It sounds like they're taking advantage. At £120k a year they are well off.

girloutdoors

Obviously I have no idea how much their mortgage or bills are but if she can afford to put £1k a month away in savings and pay to get the house decorated, then it only seems fair that they contribute at least something to help you both out. I guess because her time is split between yours and her partner's parents, it might be hard to work out. Just let her know that you're finding it very difficult (be honest and don't let pride get in the way), ad would appreciate a contribution.