Progress is...

northAthenian

 
just consider us the Moose gang, drawn from far & wide, who wanna support you

themadvix

Just catching up RT - so sorry to hear about the diagnosis. Just reiterating what everyone else has put more eloquently - we are all here for you, whatever you need! But also remember to accept help (and demand it if necessary) in RL too - you don’t need to be superwoman. Sending hugs x

teapot2

My OH didn't get on at all with the meal replacement drinks and pronounced them all to be both 'minging' and 'bowfing'.  I don't know if you are a bath or a shower gal but I used to save much of my howling for the shower.  Hugs, its so hard xx

Humdinger1

Dearest @rtandon27, crying is a good way of getting rid of stress.  People surprise the doctors all the time; with you on the case I'm sure that this will be the case.  But you need to replenish your inner glory, in every way possible.   Please remember how fab you are love Humdinger xx

Cherryfudge

Hugs from me too - such hard times. Try to take each day as it comes (I know, easier to say than to do) xx

thriftmonster

Delurking to say hugs from me. Here is where you can vent. Wish I'd had it all those years ago. So go for it 

Cheery_Daff

And hugs from me too ((((((()))))))))  Crying is quite understandable and necessary in the circumstances, and you come in here and do what you need to xxx

foxgloves

So sorry to read that things are so difficult at the moment, @rtandon27. Shall be thinking of you both. Sorry also that your local NHS experience has not been good. I had to have lots of tests & scans a couple of years ago & every part of that stressful journey from A&E to comms & attitude seems to have been a very different experience to the one you are having, despite our local hospital trust not being considered a particularly high-ranking one. It was clear at the time that everyone from the Registrar at our local GP surgery to the Gynae & General Surgery/Radiography admin teams were very aware of the 2-week pathway & keeping within it. I thought that was a national target, but may have misunderstood that though, & of course targets are not always met on a countrywide basis, which is unfair on communities where they are not.
Sending best wishes & positive thoughts, & yes, I agree with other posters that an anonymous diary is a good place for sharing thoughts & feelings which sometimes just need to be out of our heads.
F x

rtandon27

Awww @Greying_Pilgrim - I just love that you took the time to write such a lovely encouraging message!  Thank-you for being there &also listening!  You do know me so well after all those years and have hit the nail on the head with 'ALL' the things that are swimming around in the pool of RL at the moment.  TBH  it wasn't the shedding of tears that worried me overly, I knew they would come at some point.  Over the years, my job has trained me to do what is necessary in the moment and save the emotion for later.  It was the matter-of -factness of looking at a budget and saying 'Oh that money will no longer be needed' that made me LOL as it was such a part of routine that it didn't at first trigger a thing & then when it did, it was abolute floods.  I did have to have copious amounts of electrolytes to counter-act the loss of liquid though!

@edinburgher - the very gent I referred to! - thank you for popping in and lending support - it's so nice to 'see' the tribe around the virtual kitchen table - btw - we did not win the lottery either even though OH bought two tickets!

@maggiem - haha - it I didn't filter, all we'd see is a bunch of !!!!!!'s as cursing everything in sight is what I feel like doing in my heart of hearts!  I'll keep it to a narrative as much as possible - I was very thankful to @redofromstart for being so honest and open with us during her journey over the past year, it opened my eyes to balancing grief with getting on with life!  I hope I can do something similar, and come to a place where even those hard emotions have value.

@beanielou - All squides greatfully accepted!  Thank-you for advice on the juice option - I had no clue!  If it had been an option for me at the time, I'd have probably gone that route rather than the chemically f0rtisip they gave me.  I can remember OH drinking Ensur3 and quite enjoying it many years ago after a procedure so we may get them to try that one out first.  For now we are sticking to 'real food' as much a possible, albeit bland & soft so that it goes down.  Swallowing is currently a struggle for him.

@northAthenian - I don't remember the Moose Gang - lol - even did a G00gle seach to jog my memory, but that brought to mind Racoons on Ice from the early 80's - where all the forest critters rallied round!

@themadvix - thanks for popping in Vix!  - eloquence has it's place, but hugs (even virtual) are much better xxx

@teapot2 - I completely agree with your OH - they are properly vile! - I'm so busy in the shower with lotions and potions, that I don't think my mind would even think of howling.  I think it may be the little things that will trigger me

@Humdinger1 - now that was a timely message - I was having a trawl looking for books for OH focussing on living well with a diagnoses.  I think he's up to making the best of it, but the fatigue does him in atm.

@Cherryfudge -  definately one day at a time - as much as possible I'm trying to stick to normality and routines to keep us grounded, but this can be hard when fatigue takes over!

@thriftmonster - haha - yes - getting a vent down in writing can be quite cathartic!  tbh - most of what I write on here I'd say in RL to, but it's harder to find the right person to talk to!  On here, I can say what's needed and the most appropriate person for the moment usually shows up!

@Cheery_Daff - thanks for popping in & the neverending supply of hugs!

@foxgloves - It's so interesting to hear different experiences across the country wrt the NHS!  I have been unpleasently surprised that in our supposedly 'posh' county, the NHS services are so bery sub-standard.  When we lived in the neigbouring county about 10 years ago now, I had the most fabulous doctor, pharmacist and easy access to both NHS & private treatments.  A friend of ours who still lives in the other county recently had a life-changing diagnoses and was tested & seen & diagnosed & started treatment all within 3 weeks (on the NHS). Thanks for popping by with good vibes!

rtandon27

So another weekend & another list!  It's part of keeping to normality as much as possible...

important tasks...
 ❗ do bus pass application
 ❗ clean up of spare laptop sitting at the office, I've not cleaned it up yet!
🔱 never ending paperwork filing
🔆 my savings need juggling
✅ find a black ball point pen to sign passports - I know there is one in the house somewhere!

routine tasks... (for the weekend)
🔆 YNAB juggling
🔆 across the pond banking - remember to use the correct vpn!
🔱 mid-month meter readings - another 41 pounds requested for return - still waiting - the rep messed up my bill which is infuriating! - somehow I used 1600 gbp of electric!!!
🔆 sign up for new online banking account as c/c was transferred to new bank
🔱 water bill - now not due on Oct 1st but Oct 17th! - expense moved to October! - money stays in my account!
✅ grocery order - consult with OH - we are already stocked up on potatoes & rice pudding - lol
✅ meal plan - focus on what we have in house!
🔆chop and divvy up beef joint
🔱 weekly digital planner
✅ supplements
✅ Weekly surveys & contests
✅ laundry - large load washed and dried - 2nd load washed and drying - looks like it's one load at a time now!

non-routine tasks...
✅ booked return with RM for another pair of earbuds - same brand different model as faulty as the others
✅ ordered new earbuds - they will arrive today
✅ overnight bag and book for OH ordered - will arrive today
✅ robe & toiletries & pyjama bottoms ordered for OH's hospital days - he grumbled that I was spending money and I asked if he liked flashing his backside to strangers 🤣🤣🤣
✅ spent hours searching through on sale occaision wear to find two outfits suitable for fall! - They will arrive tomorrow & I'll choose which outfit I like best and return the other - have to find a less formal outfit as well, though I may just shop from home for that one
🔆 still on the hunt for ballerina wedges that fit!
🔱 Nightmare Train Delay snot-o-gram! (draft completed )
 ❗ Delay Repay
🔆 EHIC card - is old one valid or do up application
🔆 send a message to BFF across the pond - sort out money owed both ways - lol

medical follow-ups...
✅ read and absorbed OH's diagnoses letter that arrived today & planned timelines based on best & worst cases
 ❗waiting for yet another NHS test for OH
 ❗ my dermatologist referral - have docs names - now need to book
🔆 follow-up on OT recommendations for work assessment
🔆 follow-up on private eye specialist

epic list of garden things... (again for the weekend)
🔆 pick and process apples
🔱 start getting quotes for new felt for flat roof & summer house & shed (needs doing in autumn)
🔱 need to transplant two chili plants & one more pot of flowers
🔱 once lavender is dry from rain make lavender bundles for drying
⏳ 4 bags cotswold stone - trip to W!ckes postponed - on hold
⏳ transplant remaining baby trees into their new pots - on hold 
⏳ trim down and rehome butterfly bush - on hold
⏳ new trellis needs to go up for the climbing rose in the front - OH has acquired the hardware! - on hold
⏳ finish taming climbing jasmine & add more supports for it to grown on - on hold

social calendar...
💝 Sat Oct 4th - brunch with my musical-mad friend who is coming down from up-North for a weekend of shows
😒 Oct - the office clan - monthly lunch at a restaurant - Week of 6th? - this has turned into cake and brown bag lunch in part of the office I can't access - I am incredibly annoyed with the organizer - ablism at it's finest
💝 Oct - thanksgiving - plenty of turkey cuts are available! (I"m not feeling very thankful atm - SIGH)
💝 Nov 1 - family occaision &party in Melton Mowbray - hopefully OH will be up to going
💝 Nov 11 - another occasion this time closer to home but more formal - friends coming in from London as well - we can't actually miss this one so life will be planned to accomodate!
⏳ korean street food - will have to rebook this one

Meal Plan...
🥧 🥔 🥬 Saturday - Easy Peasy - Quiche & roastis
🍠 🍗 🌽 🥔 Sunday - Roast - Chicken with corn & baby brussels & baby potatoes

🥧 🥔 🐔 Monday - Veggie Day - Quiche & roastis & leftover 
🐟 🥬 🍚 Tuesday - Fish Day - Seabass & Pak Choi & rice - fruit for afters
🍗 🥬 🍍 Wednesday - Chicken Day - chicken from freezer & cauli - fruit for afters
🥧 🥬 Thursday - Meat Day - cottage pie & spinach - fruit for afters
🐔 🥔Friday - Fakeaway - chicken thigh nuggets & waffle fries - skyr for afters
🍖 🥔 🍚 🥩 Saturday - Easy Peasy - beef ribs & potatoes for him, lamb biryani for me (potatoes on repeat are doing my head in!)
🍖 🥬🥕🥔Sunday - Roast - Lamb Rack & Brussels & Carrots & Potatoes
🍆 🍅 🧀 Monday - Veggie Day - Eggplant Parma