Paying off £37065 unsecured debt by July 2027 while continuing to travel this amazing world

Nintud

stymied said:

What does your dad think should happen? Assuming he's clear enough of mind to decide. Sadly he will need to fund it himself if there's no social care where he's living x

My Dad is adamant that he is staying abroad. He has no signs of dementia and is fully independent and still driving. He refuses any suggestion of a carer popping in.

I know I will have to go out to stay with him. My daughter has offered to rent my flat when I go, I will sell my car, and draw down my pension lump sum once I have used up the car money. Dad will feed me. I could take a year’s sabbatical, but that won’t help pay my debts.

It’s all happening much sooner than I had prepared for.  Ideally, I wouldn’t make the move until July 2026, but I cannot see him maintaining his independence for that long.

There’s also the issue of where NEET will live.

Loanranger21

Do not allow shock of him needing a catheter cause you to make quick decisions. My father had an indwelling catheter and it did not impede his life land like your Dad mine was independent and still had a car and drove. I have to use a catheter about four times a day and it just becomes routine. 

Bluegreen143

Don’t you still have two children living at home Nintud? IMO your responsibility lies to them, not your dad in this situation. Also agree about putting your own financial stability first too. 

If your dad refuses to move close to you so you can care for him, that is a choice he is making. He is an adult, without dementia, he is free to make that choice, it’s not the case that he is incapable and doesn’t understand. The consequences of that choice should be that you cannot care for him because of your work and family responsibilities here (and if he wants to be cared for by you, you make it clear you’re happy to do so if he moves here).  

But he may not even need a carer at this stage and that may be why he is refusing one. Don’t make any rash decisions. 

(Edit to say, but also sending hugs, it must feel awful to be far away when something like this happens. You are a wonderful caring daughter. We just don’t want to see you destroy your own stability here if it’s not necessary). 

Nintud

My cousin is with him until Monday. I’ll see how he copes on his own next week and see if I can go over for a few days at the end of the month.

MFWannabe

Sorry to hear about problems with your Dad 
I know you said he won’t move back but does he know what that actually means? 

Does he know what you’re thinking about having to move over there and give everything up here? 

Would he really want that? It’s not really acceptable for him to think that’s right x 
He is your father but you also have commitments here; what would happen to your children? 

Humdinger1

Please tell me to mind my own business @Nintud but as well as all the excellent points made above, would you qualify for treatment of your own health conditions outside the UK? Love Humdinger xx 

liselle

Great idea to go over at the end of the month.Good points made above and of course you can assess the situation better in person, and by then, your father may have had a re-think.

Nintud

I’m currently bedridden with a virus so won’t be visiting my Dad anytime soon.  My temperature control is out of whack and I’m sleeping most of the time. Going to have another snooze then try and make some tea and toast.

Two days until pay day. Will try and do a new SOA when I’m paid.

EatingBeans

Ah bless you, hope you get well soon @Nintud x

RelievedSheff

Hope you feel better soon.