A Lifetime of Debt - F, 40s, autistic, parent, professional

thelibrarian11

Hi thanks for commenting, yes he's been spending his money on kids christmas presents so far, bless him. 

Having a bit of a nightmare as my washer has broken yet again, I waited 10 days for a part, and today he turns up to put it in, but the stupid part is faulty so I have to wait again. Contemplating spending £400 of my cushion on getting a new one and ditching Hoover Candy, I hear on the Mum grapevine they are awful now, and this keeps happening it's getting silly. Gotta go spend £12 in the laundrette again now. Hopefully waiting for this second part will push me over the date where they have to give me a new one because they couldn't fix it in time - although then it's a poo Hoover Candy one still, but at least I'm only spending a little bit on the laundrette rather than £400. Exciting decisions!

Sarahwithlove

I'd wait and see what happens, hopefully they replace it. That then gives you breathing room to save up for a new one from a different brand. 

thelibrarian11

They're replacing it and paying my laundrette fees, hooray!

thelibrarian11

Just a little public moan tonight. I'm really struggling with workload, I'm doing all this extra work to get where I want to be, and it's so hard getting it all done. There’s no room for other things in my life, I start resenting my family for not letting me work on a night and stuff when there’s this much to do. I absolutely hate being so busy, I wish that full time hours were enough and feel really angry they're not.

thelibrarian11

Another update from me. I'm still going, working my absolute bum off, and listening to my brother in law over the weekend go on about how he lives on his pension and how my husband is so wonderful because he works so hard (he's on minimum wage) and then dismissing all my hard work with, "Well obviously you're really clever," - great cheers everyone.

I've paid off over £2k of what I owe on secured debts, and I have a couple more defaults sorted, just 4 out of my 17 creditors yet to hear from. My dishwasher broke at the same time as my washing machine and I was able to replace both of them without using debt using my lil cushion I've got, which is the first time I've ever done this. I've got some savings for Christmas and can pay for everything with no credit too, and for the first time in 20 years I am not living hand to mouth. This is a massive change for me.

Me brother in law can shove that up his nose holes, I'm smashing it whether anyone notices or not

13thlegion

thelibrarian11 said:

My dishwasher broke at the same time as my washing machine and I was able to replace both of them without using debt using my lil cushion I've got, which is the first time I've ever done this. I've got some savings for Christmas and can pay for everything with no credit too, and for the first time in 20 years I am not living hand to mouth. This is a massive change for me.

How does that feel?

This exact thing was such a big turning point in my own journey.

Sarahwithlove

That's great you were able to pay without using credit. Big achievement 

thelibrarian11

13thlegion said:

thelibrarian11 said:

My dishwasher broke at the same time as my washing machine and I was able to replace both of them without using debt using my lil cushion I've got, which is the first time I've ever done this. I've got some savings for Christmas and can pay for everything with no credit too, and for the first time in 20 years I am not living hand to mouth. This is a massive change for me.

How does that feel?

This exact thing was such a big turning point in my own journey.

That's a good question! I feel normal, not like a scumbag that's beneath everyone like I usually feel, I just feel like I'm equal now and I feel happier because of it. I think I'm acting more confident.

thelibrarian11

Just another little moan that I've had a giant fight at home. It was over the state of the house, working really hard all the time both at our jobs and on the house, and some confusion over one of the creditors. I'm really down on myself today because of it, I just feel like I've completely messed up my life and my family are suffering because I'm not good enough. I had a little moment of feeling alright there, but it's gone again.

thelibrarian11

Also, I'm really reflecting on some of the messages I had when I was young that were really influential on me and really harmful - has anyone else experienced that? So I'd summarise them as:

1. Money won't buy you happiness, so you better not seek it or you'll be lonely and sad.
2. Selling out, or in other words, asking for money for anything is really bad and greedy.
3. You should 'do what you love' for a job.

It took me a long time to realise that poverty is not noble and is actually the most miserable life you can have, and that building marketable skills is not bad, it's how you survive in the world, and also that 'doing what you love' is your leisure time, not a career. This is a big reason why I am here, and I feel like I learned things way too late to do anything about it, and I'm a bit angry that this is how I was raised and what I was taught.