A Lifetime of Debt - F, 40s, autistic, parent, professional

Sarahwithlove

It's good for them to learn it at a young age. Then they have to really think about what they want. You could also maybe allow them all one thing, like favourite biscuits or crisps etc for the week. If they choose to eat it all at once then it's gone until the next week. Maybe give them all their own snack basket. Of course you do risk them stealing from each other 

Sarahwithlove

thelibrarian11 said:

Sarahwithlove said:

£500 a month spare for him seems alot if he does overtime as well. Really overtime money should be going towards the debt. Sounds like he could learn to budget a bit better as well. It needs to be a team effort, if you don't all get on board then you'll end up back here again in future. Maybe you'd be better off doing it other way. He gets a set amount a month and rest goes into household pot. 

That's a good idea actually, thankyou.

His twiddling around in our joint bank account really winds me up, I just want him to faff around in his own account so I can just not care about it, give him the bank account equivalent of a man shed! He did ask me what he will do if he has a lot of extra money some months, I think transfer me some extra to put away alongside my freelance, I wanted to budget as if he does no overtime so I know I can cover things every month, so it's like all our irregular income is going together in a pot.

I wonder whether he will just spend the extra because it's there. It's easily done. Something you might have thought twice about suddenly becomes a yes because you can. 
But it's a good idea to budget to your basic wages and then any extra becomes debt repayments 

thelibrarian11

Sarahwithlove said:

thelibrarian11 said:

Sarahwithlove said:

£500 a month spare for him seems alot if he does overtime as well. Really overtime money should be going towards the debt. Sounds like he could learn to budget a bit better as well. It needs to be a team effort, if you don't all get on board then you'll end up back here again in future. Maybe you'd be better off doing it other way. He gets a set amount a month and rest goes into household pot. 

That's a good idea actually, thankyou.

His twiddling around in our joint bank account really winds me up, I just want him to faff around in his own account so I can just not care about it, give him the bank account equivalent of a man shed! He did ask me what he will do if he has a lot of extra money some months, I think transfer me some extra to put away alongside my freelance, I wanted to budget as if he does no overtime so I know I can cover things every month, so it's like all our irregular income is going together in a pot.

I wonder whether he will just spend the extra because it's there. It's easily done. Something you might have thought twice about suddenly becomes a yes because you can. 
But it's a good idea to budget to your basic wages and then any extra becomes debt repayments 

Well he's just said today he's planning on buying the kid's main christmas presents with it, he's having a great time researching the best deals for it, they both want the same thing. He will just spend it but he'll spend it on us, then my spending pot doesn't need to be as big.

thelibrarian11

Sarahwithlove said:

It's good for them to learn it at a young age. Then they have to really think about what they want. You could also maybe allow them all one thing, like favourite biscuits or crisps etc for the week. If they choose to eat it all at once then it's gone until the next week. Maybe give them all their own snack basket. Of course you do risk them stealing from each other 

Oh yeah, for this idea, we got the broken lock on our medicine cupboard repaired, and now it's the treat cupboard that we keep a key in our pockets for. This has made a big difference already.

thelibrarian11

I've had my tweaked self assessment accepted, it is about £100 less which is something woohoo. When I looked at time to pay options, they will let me do it over 18 months, and interest was low. Not sure whether to do it over 18, I think I could manage 11 but scared to commit if I don't really have to, just in case something happens and I need the money.

weenancyinAmerica

Just asking - but have the children been checked for autism yet. It is often hereditary. Might also explain some of the behavior (with the shower gel)?

Spendless

Have you thought about some ways to stop the excessive use of shower gel? Eg decant into a press pump bottle then it's harder to  pour out loads in the first place. 

thelibrarian11

weenancyinAmerica said:

Just asking - but have the children been checked for autism yet. It is often hereditary. Might also explain some of the behavior (with the shower gel)?

Yes, I am on high alert for this stuff, as if they are I want them to have all the support I never had. I think my eldest has ADHD, in contact with NHS and school about it already.

thelibrarian11

Spendless said:

Have you thought about some ways to stop the excessive use of shower gel? Eg decant into a press pump bottle then it's harder to  pour out loads in the first place. 

I did have a little pot that I squirted 1 baths worth into at a time, but it's hard to do it consistently when I'm so busy. I've been reflecting on my high food bills - another thing is husband goes through a lot of decaff coffee, has to have the expensive stuff and puts 2-3 spoons of it in and drinks 10000 cups a day. I do have 3 cats, they eat a lot but will go hunting and stuff as well.

Van_Girl

Maybe give him a bar of soap in a soap saver bag, instead of shower gel? The bag is washable and reusable, and bars of soap are cheaper and longer lasting than shower gel