A Lifetime of Debt - F, 40s, autistic, parent, professional

backinbusiness

Didn't want to read and run - sorry you're feeling a bit down right now. It's a tough time of year and one which I find makes people prone to a bit of introspection. Two quick things - at least you've recognised that the messages you received growing up aren't the ones which you find useful now, and secondly; You are not singularly responsible for a tidy house - everyone that lives there has their bit to play. Hope you feel a bit more positive soon - you're doing great! BiB x 

Sarahwithlove

I think in an ideal world we would all do a job that we love and don't feel like we're going to work every day. But thats not always possible. I just aim for a job I don't hate and wake up every day wishing I could ring in sick. 

thelibrarian11

They are a bunch of piggies, I went to the dump Saturday with a car full, and came home to him having a great time with wires and boxes absolutely everywhere messing with his surround sound speakers, acting like he wasn’t the problem. That's when it started and we're still arguing now. And he had a builder's bum while he was doing it.

And exactly, a job I can do well and tolerate, if I loved it it wouldn't be work it would be sitting around eating crisps, took me way too long to unlearn stuff and learn that and I'm grumpy about it.

thelibrarian11

Just sharing a little win - I'm officially having my 1st Christmas without using credit, and I'm hitting the new year with a £1000 cushion. Plus, I've paid 3000 towards my secured debts.

I still haven't heard from 4 out of my 17 creditors with bank details I can set a standing order up with, one (Salad) is insisting on a budget from me before they tell me. But I'll worry about all that in the new year. 

~FlowerPot~

Just read your diary. I think your doing amazingly well. Its sounding like you have become very organised with your budget and have clear plans to tackle the debt. 

And your smashing it.

I will bookmark your diary to cheer you along.

I suggest you replace those unhelpful phrases and way at looking at things with some affirmations / positive quotes thats really resinate with you. Print the out and stick them up where you can see them, read them and smile at them.

Flowers x

satchmo1

You're doing amazingly, Librarian, well done!

I came across a great little sentence recently - "breathe encouragement in for yourself, breathe encouragement out to others". Handy to remember if you do feel discouraged.

thelibrarian11

Just won 1st prize in a Christmas raffle an all, it's a massive hamper, woohoo!

~FlowerPot~

thats fabulous, well done xx

Sarahwithlove

Well done on your first Christmas without credit! 

thelibrarian11

I'm still here, still going. I have been upset over the weekend, a last minute change triggered a bit of a meltdown where then the whole world was wrong (that's what my brain does to me) and my husband said that things are hard now because they were so hard in the past and we're still recovering from that. This really helped, but then I've been reflecting on this today.

I know financial difficulties have long lasting effects, not just your credit rating and being behind, but in the way you think and the way you sit in the world, and the things you miss out on that you can't ever get back. But I was wondering if you had any thoughts on this - how long does it take to really recover?

I earn OK now and one day those debts will be paid, but I'll never own a house and I'll never, like, choose the fixtures and fittings on a new kitchen like my parents got to do, or anything like that. I'm OK with this, and I'd like to just be in a position where I'm not scrabbling for money and worrying that I won't be able to pay for stuff in time, like Christmas, and walking up the stairs hating the really old carpet wondering when I'll ever be able to replace it. I'd like to just be secure, knowing I've got enough coming in over the time I've got to have those things, and I can just relax and enjoy my life and look forward to things. 

It feels like I'll never get there and I'll always be behind now, once the carpets replaced it's so overdue something else will break as soon as that's done, and then I am scared I won't have money in time for birthday presents, I feel like I'll never catch up with myself. I can cope with the low credit for 6 years, I can cope with the lack of assets, I can get over feeling inferior to everyone and I can enjoy living really simply and cheaply (I don't want a nice carpet, I just want one that has no holes in and doesn't make me sad) - but what I'm worried about is I'll never actually feel secure and happy like that. Does it take a long time for that to come?