A Lifetime of Debt - F, 40s, autistic, parent, professional

thelibrarian11

I have some updates for you.

We had some sad family news recently, I don't want to say too much on here as everything I've shared so far is very disclosive actually, so I'll try and keep myself a bit more anonymised from now on. It's a bereavement.

I also have managed to negotiate a loooong payment plan with HMRC which they accepted, which I'm really pleased about because I can afford it alongside everything else I want to pay for too. They did say if this plan fails again then I won't get another chance, and I absolutely have to pay them every month no matter what. I'm confident I can do that, and I'm going to work on that and it will be cleared by March 2027. Then it's back onto my unsecured debts, and I did some sums to find my ultimate debt free date, which is New Years Day 2029, so 3.5 years. Not too bad really for the amount I owe.

I keep thinking how this will be when my eldest leaves school though, and I therefore am set to be in a cycle of bad debt the entire time my kids have been at school. I will be aged 47, 53 by the time there's no trace of this on my credit score. I did not expect for it to all last that long.  Sometimes I think my kids deserve better, but with this recent bereavement we've been talking as a family - I'm set to inherit quite a bit really one day, hopefully not for a long time, but anything I get I'll use to get my kids set up in life. So it will all skip over me, and it's just me (and husband) that takes the bullet of having bad credit and absolutely no assets to show for myself.

These are the kinds of things that happen to autistic people in the world though, and I've worked a miracle to get myself out of it really against all odds. Autistic people have the worst career and life outcomes out of any other disability group, worse than people with learning difficulties. My husband is likely neurodivergent too, we're just a pair of people with disabled brains living life on permanent hard mode. Even neurotypical people in long term cycles of bad debt often never ever get out of it. Whereas me, I finally have my final escape date. I think I first got into bad credit in 2006, when I was 24, so that's a 23 year cycle of debt I've been in. That is not my whole life. There is life after it.

My freelance work has gone really quiet, but I am hopeful I might get little bits of work over the next 3 years, or maybe I'll get myself a promotion at long last, and that will bring the date forward because I can clear the HMRC debt sooner (and pay less interest) then negotiate some full and final settlements on the unsecured debts. But otherwise off I go, I'll be living my life, paying that monthly payment, watching my kids grow, knowing that I've got a way out and making sure I stay on that path towards it.

in_need_of_direction

Well done on your hmrc negotiation. Can I suggest that you aim to have a month’s payment set aside to protect against defaulting should an emergency arise.

thelibrarian11

Just an update from me. Things aren't going so well in life, but they are in money, so I'm taking that as encouragement I can deal with this no matter what. We experienced a second bereavement, it was actually the night of my last post, and my husband had a road accident a few weeks later. He's not too badly hurt, but just enough to mean he's in pain, and now all the parenting and housework, during the school holidays as well, falls on just me. I'm struggling to keep it up and I've been a bit sad with it, not the summer I wanted at all.

However, listen to this. I've paid for my kid's birthdays and a holiday without using credit, and kept up with my HMRC payments while I did it. I've done a full year now of not using credit for anything. I also think my husband is due compensation, and the person who hit him's insurance will clear his vehicle finance and I'm hoping he'll buy a new one for cash with the rest of what he gets. That's a chunk of our debt gone.

I swear though if he doesn't stop bugging me for a cup of tea every 2 mins and saying things like, "You missed a spot," I'll run him over again myself.

RedLipstick

Sorry to hear about all the news - laughed badly at the last line though, glad you're staying in a good spirits lol! Hope he recovers quickly and gives you peace! 

Well done on not touching credit, it's a great achievement and I hope you are proud of yourself. You're doing amazing, I'm sure there are lots of lovely summers ahead of you, come chat here when you're feeling low xx

Sarahwithlove

Hope your hubby is ok, even if annoying. Could you make him a flask of tea to last a while? That way you won't be making one so often. 

Hope the car idea comes to fruition as sounds like a good plan. What happens to the money thats being paid monthly to car finance? Can any of it go towards debts? 

thelibrarian11

Sarahwithlove said:

Hope your hubby is ok, even if annoying. Could you make him a flask of tea to last a while? That way you won't be making one so often. 

Hope the car idea comes to fruition as sounds like a good plan. What happens to the money thats being paid monthly to car finance? Can any of it go towards debts? 

We're actually going to spend some of it on a workplace health insurance thing - we both have quite a few things that will need this now, and it should save us £ over the next year #ageing Also this is his £ so I don't know what he'll do with the rest, up to him.

vampirotoothus

Hi Sorry to hear about your loss. But absolutely FAB news that you paid for birthdays, a holiday and are up to date with HMRC. Well done you V x