A Lifetime of Debt - F, 40s, autistic, parent, professional

thelibrarian11

Yes I did think, if it's a dairy intolerance that's a lot easier than if I've got 2 in here who can't have wheat.

thelibrarian11

kiss_me_now9 said:

Following. It sounds like you've got some good ideas on how to tackle things. 

How did you become a librarian if you don't mind me asking? It's always a job that's interested me but it seems impossible to get into, ha. 

Oh like all librarians, I found a secret bookmark inside one of the lesser used books on the back shelves, that gave me the time and place of my initiation. No seriously, there's 3 routes in - degree, apprenticeship (but they're still developing these), or just get someone to offer you a job. My route in was degree. There's lots of adjacent jobs, like data protection and knowledge management.

Sarahwithlove

Tesc0 owns lactose free milk is 99p for 2 pts and cheapest one I've found. I prefer the taste so choose to buy that over soya or oat. 

thelibrarian11

Hello, a little update from me.

This is work that I've done on my finances:

• Changed all my DDs over, that's now done, so I am now free of having to worry when my husband is going to buy little twiddly bits for himself out the joint account without telling me and it messes the direct debits up. Some DDs have changed over but not been taken for the month yet which is really annoying, I'm just hanging around waiting for everything to be sorted and I know how much I've got left to work with.
• Written to all my already defaulted debts saying I'm offering £1 payments, had a call from Bamboo and a letter from Cabot but that's all so far from them. I had a payment plan accepted by HMRC which is about the same amount I was paying towards them so definitely affordable.
• No sign of much activity from my not defaulted debts, I've had some phone calls and texts which I've ignored.
• We are doing pretty well sticking to a meal plan that we've bought stuff in for especially, although I way overspent on groceries again. My cats and kids and husband just eat so much. The kids like knowing what's for tea though, we're going to stick to that. I'm hopeful we spend more at the start of the month and less towards the end and it will even out, I'm keeping a much closer eye on it this month.
• I managed to pay for school uniform stuff for my kids, but that's wiped out the extra money I had that I haven't put towards unsecured debt this month - if I hadn't done that I would have used credit to pay for it. I've also used some birthday money I got from my family to buy a mesh WIFI system so my teenage son can game in his room properly. So I'm not worrying about how to pay for those things any more, which I was.
• I do have some extra expenses, my daughter's primary school want about £50 for upcoming trips and activities which I hadn't budgeted in. That's my next thing to worry about how to pay for.
• I've started a new job which is the same money but will be amazing for my career, and have a lot of extra freelance work as well, and I'm feeling really overwhelmed with workload. I'm making good progress every day and I'm not exhausted and grumpy about it just yet, I just need to keep it up. Better get off here and get on with it.
• My husband has noticeably taken on much more of the housework, and we're quite happy with this arrangement - it makes me feel like some feminist icon with a house husband, and he's relieved that he doesn't have to worry about career development at the level I do and we can maximise on my abilities. 

That's it, now I better go get on with this work and get earning.

thelibrarian11

Another update.

• I've paid off about £400 off my debt this month, next month this will be about £800 and I can keep that up from then on, which I will do for a year and then review. My car will be paid off then so hoping I can up it to £1000 a month, and I might have built up a bit of a pot from freelancing that I can do some final settlements with by then too. Hoping it will drop down really fast after that.
• I had letters back from 7 out of 17 creditors saying, yes we will accept £1, here's our account number. So they all have standing orders set up.
• I'm still waiting on 5 defaulted debts to do this as well, not heard anything from them yet despite sending them a letter at the same time as the others.
• We have another 5 not defaulted debts which I've just ignored. We've had texts and emails, and one late payment fee so far, but nothing else.
• I discovered my husband makes coffee with at least 5 spoons of coffee in it, mostly more, and it's like absolute mud, and that's been a big expense for us!
• I've gone over budget for my food shopping again. We are currently doing food elimination on my little girl and have got gluten free foods in, which I need to get for my husband as well so now it's double the amount, he whom has no gluten but 10 million spoons of coffee a day costing me loads.
• Husband still found a way of messing about with my account and messing up my direct debits, he was in a charity shop and didn't have his wallet, asked for my card to buy a Christmas decoration for £2 then I didn't have enough to cover a bill. I made him transfer it me and he thought I was really overly strict. He can get lost with it!
• That's enough moaning about him and his habits, I believe this is what happens to middle aged married couples, their little ways do your head in! I'm enjoying having the peace of my own bank account without worrying about him and his £2 ugly Santa purchases, I've been so much happier this month. I didn't realise how good having that control and certainty would make me, but I've eliminated a massive source of stress for me and it's great.
• I've been a lot happier as well because he's doing quite a bit more of the housework and I just know everything is going to get done now, instead of worrying about when I was going to do everything.
• I'm also pretty pleased with this debt plan, I know what I'm doing and it's going to work. Overall, I've been much happier for lots of reasons.
• I finished all the freelance work I had booked, on top of my full time job, and that's paid for Christmas presents.

thelibrarian11

As I'm getting into this, I'm realising that this way of dealing with debt has made all the difference. 

So instead of the Stepchange way, where I am encouraged to use all spare money on debt and not keep anything much for emergencies or expecting my kids to go without Christmas presents and stuff.

I pay less off the debts, take longer to clear them, but build up that pot/cushion. I am allowed a cushion, it's up to me what I pay towards my debts. The cushion is all the difference, it's what's going to get me out of this cycle. I don't need debt anymore because there's this pot that I use instead. However long it takes me to clear my debts this time, I won't ever need to do it again.

I could have had a pot the whole time. Never mind, I know now. Actually I think I probably couldn't have had a cushion before now, I just wasn't able to earn enough for one. But yes, if I hadn't realised that, I would have been in debt forever.

annetheman

Just wanted to say I'm following this thread and wishing you the best - you can absolutely smash this debt, I can see it. Will be here to congratulate you for every little step of progress - keep it up!

thelibrarian11

I got a default! Hooray, I managed to get PayPal Credit to default me, success. It's a small balance as well, I'm hoping to leave it for a while and clear it for much less when I can.

thelibrarian11

Oh and it's official now, my little girl is lactose intolerant, so we all have different specific dietary needs now,  absolute nightmare. Husband is coeliac, she is lactose intolerant, I'm on low carb and can't have salt (or grapefruit), and my son might have something as he has different types of excema, but at the very least he eats badly and impulsively and we have to be very strict about the junk to vegetables ratio. So much money and so much effort!

Sarahwithlove

I'm lactose intolerant and find lidl best place for milk, though tesco own version isn't much more expensive. Tesco free from yoghurts are nice, they do fromage frais type ones for kids. Alot of supermarkets do lactose free stuff now or I find often soya version is cheaper or vegan options. It takes a bit of looking around initially to find the things that suit you best but once you learn what supermarket does what it becomes easier to manage. 

Sounds like slow and steady approach for debt is best for you, after all your kids shouldn't have to go without. Does your hubby have his own spending money? Is that budgeted for?