Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband stop lending money to his parents?

Krista1977

Isn’t this what families are for? I wonder how much his parents have loaned/given him over the years? If your husband can afford to lend money without putting hardship on his own household, then why not?

_nate

What an outrage. Your husband should mandate that his parents live on broth and gruel until they can sort out their finances. Imagine going to a cafe! What a disgraceful way to live out one's retirement. It's a slippery slope and you just don't know where they will end up.

Pollycat

Krista1977 said:

Isn’t this what families are for? I wonder how much his parents have loaned/given him over the years? If your husband can afford to lend money without putting hardship on his own household, then why not?

I don't agree that that is what families are for.

If I work hard and save my money and a sibling (or parent) can't be bothered to work and spends all their benefit money in the betting shop and pub but asks me to lend them some money, do you really think I should do so 'because that's what families are for'?

My parents never loaned me a penny.
They didn't have enough money to lend - and I never asked anyway.

I think it's more about the relationship between the author of the dilemma and her partner.
 

Reader18

Hubby should have a talk with his parents and explain if there’s a real emergency he and you will lend money but only in an emergency - he could also  suggest they follow Dave Ramsey to see how he advises on money management. Also explain he now has his own family and financial goals, best of luck. 

Roliat

This is tough. I'm a parent but not of retirement age. I bring up my children to be respectful and caring to others like many of us do and over the 16+ years we do everything we possibly can for our children...pay for anything they need, provide a loving caring environment and keep them safe. It's the bank of mum and dad they rely on when they want to go out and arnt working and we do this without any impunity or want for them to pay back.

So now your husband is helping his parents financially and as you state they do pay you back. I see no real issue. Yes he should always discuss it with you and you have to be on-board. As long as it has no negative impact on your relationship with your husband or your financial state then I think it's all well and good.
It's worth having a chat with his parents to understand what their predicament is that they regularly need to borrow funds and whether their is other assistance you can provide which isn't financial that could alleviate there need to borrow.
Also remember any funds, property etc will eventually potentially pass to your husband as inheritance so let them enjoy the fruits of there labour. Of course I have no idea what they did in there earlier ages but no-one should have to live hand to mouth and if you and your husband have the capacity to help...at least your helping family and if you have a happy husband then you have a happy life.

Agent57

As usual more questions than answers:

Can you as a family comfortably afford to lend the money?  Are you in debt - so borrowing money to lend to them?
What is the money for?  'Bills' is a bit vague.
How long do they take to pay back?  A month or two or years?

Can they get a credit card to smooth out the occasional large bill?  Paying off IN FULL.

When they have finished paying you back suggest they continue to pay funds into a savings account for the next unexpected bill.  

Send them a link to this website and the best savings accounts.

Missy15

If their situation is anything like mine, my son earns a vast amount of money compared to the amount I ever earned in my working life or my ex husband's for that matter. However he has his own family to support now. I know if I hit real difficulties he would offer to help. 
I live within the means of a state pension and my savings, & pay him back immediately he organises my flights to the country where they now live. I would never ask him for money!
So I would suggest your husband's parents are given some help in how to manage their money.
Perhaps with the occasional gift of either money or something useful for birthdays etc, 
Or at worst if you and your husband agree, small loans with a deadline. The fact that they pay it back is cheering so technically they are not Spongers!!

TheRedHerring

Discussion is needed especially where there is a joint account being used.
However challenging a further diplomatic discussion needs to be then had with the parents, definitely away from either of your homes, perhaps take them out for lunch.   Perhaps they do not realise how much these loans may be affecting their son's family's lifestyle and that includes the interest they have not been paying or you could have been making..

devonshirelass

There is obviously a underlying issue here that needs to be made open. Once in the open it will be a lot easier to be address by all parties. It’s universally accepted that parents “loan” their children money at some stage but for children to “loan” their parents money in my mind is a rarity.

Ed264

I agree with CapeTown. If your husband can afford to help them out, let him do so. Whilst coffee shops and restaurants may be unnecessary, if not done excessively then an occasional treat is fine.