Does your child help pay the rent?

Sea_Shell

silvercar said:

Sea_Shell said:

This is more a relationship question than a financial one.

It's all going to come down to how your wife feels about the situation and if she is happy with her adult, working son "sponging" off you both.

If she doesn't want to charge him keep, then you're in a lose lose position.

Once you're on the same page about charging him "something", then the discussion can move onto how much?

So, are you on the same page?

I guess being in a blended family can cause more issues, but I object to the term “sponging”. Some parents decide from the outset that their (adult) children will always be allowed to live rent free in their own home. The idea of charging your own offspring rent is something I wouldn’t consider. Having made the choice as adults ourselves where to live, it is up to my children if they want to live with us or move out, rent doesn’t come into it. 

"Soaking up parents resources" then.

Everyone has the right to charge adult children keep, or not, depending on their own circumstances.

The OP seems less keen on the idea of letting them carry on rent free, so is asking "what's fair".

That's why he needs to be on the same page as their mum.

Hopefully they'll come back and comment further.

CurlySue2017

This may be a generational thing but wow!  He has it easy

In our house, we were either in full time education or working (or both) as soon as we finished school.  I did what was called a YTS back then so I was working full time, but on day release for college one full day a week. 
At the time I got paid the princely sum of £40 per week, which rose to £45 when I turned 17 and then went up again to £50 a week once I turned 18.  My parents took £10 per week off me for "keep" (it was never called rent) but even then, I thought I was rich back then with that amount of money all lol to myself lol 

Even as younger kids when still at school, we had to help around the house to earn our pocket money, things like keeping our bedrooms tidy, washing dishes etc. etc. we were not just given it for doing nothing.

Back then it was the "ugh, this is so unfair" speech all the time but as I've gotten older I've realised and understood that my parents were simply teaching us to be money wise and not go mad spending, to save for a rainy day and to budget.....which now, I am utterly grateful for

Albermarle

silvercar said:

Sea_Shell said:

This is more a relationship question than a financial one.

It's all going to come down to how your wife feels about the situation and if she is happy with her adult, working son "sponging" off you both.

If she doesn't want to charge him keep, then you're in a lose lose position.

Once you're on the same page about charging him "something", then the discussion can move onto how much?

So, are you on the same page?

I guess being in a blended family can cause more issues, but I object to the term “sponging”. Some parents decide from the outset that their (adult) children will always be allowed to live rent free in their own home. The idea of charging your own offspring rent is something I wouldn’t consider. Having made the choice as adults ourselves where to live, it is up to my children if they want to live with us or move out, rent doesn’t come into it. 

Although as other posts have mentioned, and also in my experience, some working offspring will insist on paying a contribution. Presumably gives them a sense of being independent/adult, and not relying on their parents for everything.

zagubov

I’m a bit baffled by the term rent. Most family members with an income would be expected to pay “keep” towards the upkeep of the house they lived in.

It would absolutely never be called rent or be part of a formal contract.

It would also either be the bargain of the century (i.e. so low no commercial digs/lodging arrangement could match its value for money) or be higher than that in which case it would usually be keep plus a thinly disguised savings scheme where part of it would be returned to the family member if moving on to another home requiring a deposit.

Isn’t this universal or are there still people in the UK unaware of this customary arrangement?

poppy12345

Yes, absolutely he should contribute. I live with my daughter and there's just the 2 of us. I add up the monthly bills, minus my phone and we pay half each. She pays for her own phone and any other bills she has for herself. 

secla

Of course he doesn't want to move out all his income is disposable at the minute. He wont be able to have several holidays and a fancy car if he has to pay rent.

My children are not at the working age yet but when they are I will be asked for an amount based on there wage rather than the actual household bills. Not so much because i need it but more of a financial lesson on responsibility

marcia_

secla said:

Of course he doesn't want to move out all his income is disposable at the minute. He wont be able to have several holidays and a fancy car if he has to pay rent.

My children are not at the working age yet but when they are I will be asked for an amount based on there wage rather than the actual household bills. Not so much because i need it but more of a financial lesson on responsibility

 My thoughts exactly. The adult child needs to get used to having to pay for their own upkeep and to have to save for things like cars and holidays or miss out on things because they can't. 

silvercar

zagubov said:

I’m a bit baffled by the term rent. Most family members with an income would be expected to pay “keep” towards the upkeep of the house they lived in.

It would absolutely never be called rent or be part of a formal contract.

It would also either be the bargain of the century (i.e. so low no commercial digs/lodging arrangement could match its value for money) or be higher than that in which case it would usually be keep plus a thinly disguised savings scheme where part of it would be returned to the family member if moving on to another home requiring a deposit.

Isn’t this universal or are there still people in the UK unaware of this customary arrangement?

I guess different social circles have different norms. I have heard of these ‘thinly disguised savings schemes’ but the disguise is so thin as to be laughable.

I wouldn’t take money off my kids, for a household budget that needs to function whether the kids live at home or not. If I was short of cash then the max I would take would be the extra costs of them being at home only. Otherwise they are paying their parents money which could in all likelihood be left to the kids, on which they could pay inheritance tax!

My kids adjusted perfectly well to budgeting when they moved out, without the need to pay any keep. 

Jami74

silvercar said:

I wouldn’t take money off my kids, for a household budget that needs to function whether the kids live at home or not. If I was short of cash then the max I would take would be the extra costs of them being at home only. 

Yeah this. One of my kids did ask me once if I'd be secretly saving the money they contributed and give it back to them when they moved out and I explained, not too gently, that the money they contribute pays for those extra long showers they take, the multiple snacks they eat each day and lighting every room in the house when the rest of us are in bed.

Altior

Part of the potential issue is that being allowed to live like this can allow poor habits to get embedded. That then aren't easy to break.

I wonder for example how the car is financed (if financed), and what insurance group it is. The insurance could be huge and have high monthly commitments. How are the holidays being financed. Is there high CC debt being racked up for example. Then it could end up leaning on the bank of mum and dad for more than just free living expenses. 

You don't want a household fallout either so it is pretty delicate, especially if there has not been a lot pressure put on him to contribute up to now. Every relationship has its own dynamics, so only you will know the best way to approach this. Perhaps let him decide what he thinks he should pay after showing him all of the household expenses, and then see what number he comes up with as a reasonable share.