Redemption - The journey of a recovering gambling addict.

Lonelygambler

HouseMartin567 said:

No advice on either the debt or gambling front, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck and mental strength to resolve both situations.

Thank you. 

I am waiting for my first NHS counselling appointment as most trusts now have specialised gambling units. 

The shame I have brought on myself and family is unbearable. I’m thankful I managed to quit before I really lost the plot and £££££££. 

LG

Lonelygambler

Good Morning, 

A few updates: 

5 NSD ✅ 
5 Days gambling free tick ✅ 

Downloaded a free habit tracker to try and motivate myself for NSD / Reading / Paying off debts. 

Aiming to make a £75 payment of my NatWest Card tonight. Leaving me £100 spending money to the 22/3.

Awaiting £300 switch offers from TSB and Lloyds by the end of the month. 

If I continue with NSD until payday I could be able to pay at least £550 additional payments. 

Around 8% of my credit card balances. 

LG

WinterWarrior

The sad fact that although £2k would be a lot if someone said ‘buy this thing’, when you are playing, it doesn’t feel outrageous to just add £20 more until you’ve hit that. This is how they get you! I have watched a few interesting YouTube videos on how the shiny flashing slots somehow override your brain and common sense. I once spent £700 in a week and shocked myself into recovery. Imagine what I could have bought for that! I think the trick is to either fill your spare hours or find a way to enjoy the moments of not doing anything much….and of course block the chance to go back, which we all seem to have! 

You should be able to edit your posts by the way, I think it’s top right…let me check and I’ll then edit and tell you 😅
Yes…there are 3 dots at the top right of your posts, press them and you can edit or delete.

Lonelygambler

Made an overpayment of £80 today. 

Going to really go through the kitchen and cupboards this evening as we have a lot of food and I want to try and have a £50 food shop next week. 

NHS gambling service have been in touch so that’s a good end to my day. 

Lonelygambler

WinterWarrior said:

The sad fact that although £2k would be a lot if someone said ‘buy this thing’, when you are playing, it doesn’t feel outrageous to just add £20 more until you’ve hit that. This is how they get you! I have watched a few interesting YouTube videos on how the shiny flashing slots somehow override your brain and common sense. I once spent £700 in a week and shocked myself into recovery. Imagine what I could have bought for that! I think the trick is to either fill your spare hours or find a way to enjoy the moments of not doing anything much….and of course block the chance to go back, which we all seem to have! 

You should be able to edit your posts by the way, I think it’s top right…let me check and I’ll then edit and tell you 😅
Yes…there are 3 dots at the top right of your posts, press them and you can edit or delete.

The wins are never enough. I could have paid most of my debt off but you chase, you never break free. 

My diary is more for own therapy tbh. 

I’m in very lucky position financially, however this illnesss is problem. 

I really got into the raffle websites. 

Won £500+ and a Iwatch / iPhone 

Wanted more. Greed. 

Lonelygambler

Morning check in. 

Aiming for another NSD. 

Lloyds £175 has paid out this morning. So I will be putting with £25 to a £200 overpayment. 

LG

Lonelygambler

7 Days Gambling Free. 

No urge to gamble at all. Therapy starting next week. 

Best place to sell books? I have 100’s hardly read non fiction. 

Hopefully raise a few ££

Online food shop tonight. Aim is under £100! 

CoffeeSonata

Hi @Lonelygambler.  Welcome. I'm so sorry you are going through all this.  It's a lot. 

I work in behavioural science and I wondered if you actually knew what an absolutely amazing acheivement it is to manage 7 days gambling free all on your own, without other support or therapy. 

It's a huge achievement. 

I got angry when you said how ashamed you felt.  I've seen that level of shame a lot, but I wanted to say this, as a behaviourist, (we work in advertising, the government nudge unit, with kids with challenging behaviour, with addicts). 

One of the ways we describe the most sucessful way of organising rewards to motivate people (anyone) is by pointing to fixed odd betting machines, or gambling online/other gambling payouts. 

The whole thing, the pattern of rewards and payouts is designed very, very scientifically, following behavioural principles and science to motivate you and make you spend more and more chasing a reward that comes at just the right time to motivate you to keep going. 

It's by design. 
it's designed that way, by people with training in these things, and psychology and behavioural motivation. 

These patterns of rewards and payouts, they are researched, tested and tweaked to be the most effective they can in getting people to gamble.  And they are very effective. 

THe shame isn't yours. It's not yours. 

It's the companies who design this way and make it this way deliberately to hook people, to make it irresitable, to part you with your money. 

 Add in those of us who are more dopamine driven, and reward focused (both contribue to addictive personalities). It's a recipe for disaster (for us, not them). 

That is also why it's so very difficut to stop. It really is. 

I wanted to say that you were very brave telling your wife. I can't imagine the fear and upheaval and bravery needed to do that.  It must have taken so much courage and character. 

 am relaly glad you are seeking therapy and they contacted and arranged so quickly. 
 No urge in seven days is also a good sign. 

 Do you have any ideas what the triggers are, what sparks the urges?

 Welldone on all the switches and using the money to go to the debt. 
  Your goal seems very realistic and achievable. 

 Your questions:
    - top of your posts, in the blue bit -  three dots in the right hand side.  Click there, you get options to edit or delete. 
    - book selling sites. I've sold amazon individually, maddening if lots. Webuybooks and ziffit recommened. You donwload an app, scan the barcode of the books and it offers you a price.  You then make a large parcel of all your books and send them to the company.  If all as described, they pay you that amount. Might be the easiest way for lots.  

 Food grocery wise -  if you like challenges and making savings, maybe come join the grocery challenge thread. you can join part way through the month, search old style money saving, grocery challenge. Be as chatty or not as you want or just post target /progress. People have lots of good ideas for money saving and good meal plans on the thread, and heads up about offers or maximiing loyalty cards and points. 

 You are doing really well. THere will be up and down days. But if that happens remember how amazingly well you did all on your own these first seven days. I think you can do this.  It's a big thing to face. You are doing well. 
 Try not to focus on the past, and look forward to what and who you can be.  It doesn't define you.  And the shame is not yours. 

Lonelygambler

Quick check in. 

My wife is not in a good place with me, really not engaging. Going to take her a long time to process everything. 

Spending the weekend with my boys is the best. 

Another NSD ✅ 

trips with our soft play memberships and national trust. 

Kept food shop under £100 which is a big saving for us. 

Thank you for the post above I will reply in detail later. 

LG 

WinterWarrior

Does your wife also work? If so then the personal spends you have lost (and will also pay back outside of the joint account) shouldn’t affect her too much. Have any future joint plans been put on hold for it? I guess it depends how your household runs to how big an impact it has on everyone else. It might feel quite awkward right now, but you have made a massive positive step and need to remember you have made some good changes.