Redemption - The journey of a recovering gambling addict.

Lonelygambler

Florafauna said:

@lonelygambler the implant I had was at the back and couldn't be seen when smiling. I just hated knowing it was missing and the way it affected my bite. For me, money well spent

Yes, I will need to look at this. I am struggling to wear my denture at the moment. 

Lonelygambler

CRANKY40 said:

The reality of "wanting to win it back" is that you won't though. You may short term, but long term you will lose. It will also get you divorced by the sound of it so not doing it is the biggest win ever. You get to stay with your wife and kids. Keep at it, you're doing really well. 

Bang on here. My losses are staggering and for what? Nothing much to show. I used to get into thiese chasing nights. Building up from £500 to )”£2000 and then losing it all a few days later often playing from 10pm / 5am having one hour sleep and going to work frazzled. 

Definitely don’t miss those days of feeling empty and numb. 

Lonelygambler

ChampagneSupernova36 said:

Keep it up , everyday is a step in the right direction even though it’s bloody hard. I’ve had a bad tooth as well this week , always seems to come at the worst possible time! Therapy is painful at times but I always find things sometimes felt worse before they felt better . Sending positive vibes xxx

Thank you so much  I appreciate it 

Lonelygambler

Florafauna said:

Therapy can feel like this but it's about clearing out the sadness and negativity. Be gentle with yourself and well done to you. You are clearing the fear out of your life and you are able to do this. We're a bunch of strangers on tinternet but we all have your back

This thread is about having accountability and making reference to significant milestones. 

The therapy I’m having is part of the process and I am looking forward to the next session. 

Thanks for dropping in. 

alt80

Lonelygambler said:

alt80 said:

Stick with it mate, it's !!!!!! hard but it really can help in the long run.

Thank you. It was a tough first meeting for me. 

Helpful to look at the behaviours morning forward and how to reflect on the triggers. 

Yeah, it will be tough; not just the first meeting either, unfortunately.

100% re it being helpful to look at the behaviours and reflecting on what triggers you. Try to treat yourself as you would a friend or colleague, it's a lot easier said than done - something I very much struggle with but you do need to learn to forgive yourself (again, much easier said than done). The pros will help but you have to be consistent with your own efforts (all things I have found very difficult in recovery but that need to happen to be able to move forward without just white knuckling abstinence (that alone is not recovery)).

Keep putting the work in, you're doing brilliantly.

Lonelygambler

Sunday Check in.

Spent around £10 today. £4 parking and the dartford toll crossing. 

Trying to maximise debt repayments this month, I have around £80 for basic spending. 

Closed another credit card today. How sad is this, one of first ever credit cards. 

So far I have closed 5 cards. I have not seen any change in my credit scores, not really bothered but interested. 

I have the following cards left:

Barclaycard - Nothing on it. (Always get offered deals - Massive limit).
MBNA - Debt on it. (Closing this one once cleared).
Natwest.- Debt on it (Closing once I have cleared).
Virgin - Nothing on it. Will close next as no longer being offered any deals. 
Amex - One left, no balance (Will close soon).
Tesco - Use this for all purchases and clear at the end of each statement (Tesco Points).
First Direct - Closed today. 
Nationwide - Nothing on it. Will keep as linked to main bank account. 

On a different note I use tesco for food shopping and have it delivered. I have signed up to the delivery service monthly deal as I should save £21 month as normally costs us £7 each week for picked, and delivered. 

LG

Lonelygambler

alt80 said:

Lonelygambler said:

alt80 said:

Stick with it mate, it's !!!!!! hard but it really can help in the long run.

Thank you. It was a tough first meeting for me. 

Helpful to look at the behaviours morning forward and how to reflect on the triggers. 

Yeah, it will be tough; not just the first meeting either, unfortunately.

100% re it being helpful to look at the behaviours and reflecting on what triggers you. Try to treat yourself as you would a friend or colleague, it's a lot easier said than done - something I very much struggle with but you do need to learn to forgive yourself (again, much easier said than done). The pros will help but you have to be consistent with your own efforts (all things I have found very difficult in recovery but that need to happen to be able to move forward without just white knuckling abstinence (that alone is not recovery)).

Keep putting the work in, you're doing brilliantly.

Thank you, are you in recovery? 

alt80

Well done on making a start on closing the no longer required accounts. With regard to the active accounts have you made them less accessible eg taking the cards off your phone wallet / storing somewhere that is a bit of a hassle to get to them etc? Not sure whether the debt you have is on 0%, if not, use those offers if the transfer fee is unlikely to be less than the interest you will pay within the timeframe of there being a balance on the card. 

To answer your question, yes I am in recovery. Gambling wasn’t my problem, I was addicted to cocaine. Coming up to two years since I got serious about my recovery and my family. Prior to that I was risking my business and family taking massive risks professionally because I couldn’t stop, not that I saw it that way. Took me countless attempts to quit, relapses that led me back to full blown addiction and two residential stays. Tbf I’ve managed to stay off it this time after the second stay because my wife agreed to therapy too and we decided to put our marriage first as well as me choosing to walk away from decades old friendships and business relationships. I’m not going to tell you its all roses because it isn’t, it’s !!!!!! hard and you are going to have to deal with your emotions without anything to numb them, but it’s 100% worth it to be the best you can be for your family and staff in my case.

Lonelygambler

Mid Week Update

• No gambling - Nearly 3 Months
• Spending has been limited. Finding it harder and harder to completely have NSD every day. Finding myself pretty miserable. 
• Overpayment of £600 lined up for May

Closing more cards over this week. 

Lonelygambler

alt80 said:

Well done on making a start on closing the no longer required accounts. With regard to the active accounts have you made them less accessible eg taking the cards off your phone wallet / storing somewhere that is a bit of a hassle to get to them etc? Not sure whether the debt you have is on 0%, if not, use those offers if the transfer fee is unlikely to be less than the interest you will pay within the timeframe of there being a balance on the card. 

To answer your question, yes I am in recovery. Gambling wasn’t my problem, I was addicted to cocaine. Coming up to two years since I got serious about my recovery and my family. Prior to that I was risking my business and family taking massive risks professionally because I couldn’t stop, not that I saw it that way. Took me countless attempts to quit, relapses that led me back to full blown addiction and two residential stays. Tbf I’ve managed to stay off it this time after the second stay because my wife agreed to therapy too and we decided to put our marriage first as well as me choosing to walk away from decades old friendships and business relationships. I’m not going to tell you its all roses because it isn’t, it’s !!!!!! hard and you are going to have to deal with your emotions without anything to numb them, but it’s 100% worth it to be the best you can be for your family and staff in my case.

Thank you for sharing mate. I appreciate that couldn't have been easy for you. 

All CC debt is 0%