Slaying my Debts

Buffythedebtslayer

(sorry to carry on so!)

At least another four years. two to pay off debts two to save a desposit. I 'll be thirty six then.

I cannot carry things on the way they are at home, its not good for me to feel so squashed all the time, between that and work my only loutlet is spending. So I need to have a chat with Mum. I read the other day if you could have a fairy Godmother come down and change five things what would they be?

1. organised at work
2. be able to drive
3. be upto date with Open University
4. Sort out stuff with Mum and Sister
5. get out of debt and be able to spend my money with out guilt.

actually I 'd like to cheat and have six - be healthy and slim.

there is a point to this. no amount of saying is the same as doing. I have no excuses, I have one shot at life and so far I have behaving like some put upon poor little me brat - no not all the time, but what I mean I don't take risks or meet people or do anything real in case i get hurt when in reality I am just being an over dramatic a woa is me pita. so what I have !!!! job, welcome to the world! so what I don't have a boyfriend who needs one, I know that sound trite but seriously there are many worse things in life.

my Nan came over from Ireland when she was 16. she knew no one and arrived in London to find work. my other Nan managed the war (well not singled handledly obviously) and two small boys, and my grandad plus looking after various sisters and other family members. They coped they lived. My own (other) sister has been through absolute hell and is frankly incrediable.

There is nothing really wrong with my life. I need to stop wallowing and namby pambying about and just bloody well get on with it.

Good night xxx

Wol2

Hi sweetheart

I noticed you disappeared from the Owls earlier and I thought I'd find you here....but missed you while you were posting as I'm a bit later than anticipated....sorry about that.

I've been a bit worried about you of late but saw Chev post the other day so decided to wait a wee while before coming back.

You're definitely having a rough time of it atm.........you sound very unhappy......and while sometimes we may need to kick ourselves up the bum and snap out of it...(and we often do that by comparing our own problems to someone else's and "dismissing" our own feelings/emotions on that basis as not as worthy or important) ..there are times when that method is not necessarily the right thing to do. Most important is to understand why you're unhappy..we often say it's this circumstance or that circumstance...but sometimes if we had more confidence or self esteem in ourselves then perhaps the cirumstance wouldn't matter so much.

And while our problems may not seem as big or serious as other people's.... they matter to us, so they are no less relevant and therefore shouldn't be dismissed. Your problems are the ones that matter to you, you've every right to want to talk about them and there is nothing wrong in that.

You've obviously got a lot of different issues to sort out...and perhaps they have all become interlinked and tangled up over the last year.

So well done because you've got the holiday time and have started to look at them and take stock.....but Hun, not all at once please...and don;t try and fix everything overnight!! Thats' definite overload.

Now's the time to start looking at each one separately...one at a time and deciding what small thing you can do to start making changes to help you feel better about yourself. And once you take the first step, then you can build on that and look at the next one.

So first of all put all those issues in priority order....which is THE most important one to you that you want to change. Then look at the inter-relationships.

So for example.....

You don;t like the job..and it's very long hours...but it's well paid and is your chance to get out of debt faster. SO there is a balancing act here......which is more important to you...clearing the debt faster or getting a less well paid job that perhaps you enjoy more. Once you make that decision, you are left with the other. Now, how can you make some small change to improve the one that's left.

Anyhow, I could go on but I'm going to stop now as I need to go to bed.

All I will say Buffy dear is I'm back on tomorrow afternoon and if you want to chat with someone then please send me a PM.

I was once where you are now.....I set myself a target and it's taken several years......but I am getting there....slowly but surely chipping away, making small changes, taking small steps and building my self esteem and confidence as I do so.

You can and will get there Buffy..have courage my dear..you are stepping out on the right road.......and don;t forget that regardless of whether you think you have a whiney thread...all your fellow posters are here for you to help support you as you make your journey....and we'd certainly tell you if we thought you were getting too whiney;)

Hugs to you, hope you sleep well tonight and see you tomorrow.
Much love
Wol2
xx

OliveOyl_2

What she says ^^^^^

Wol2 and Chev give such very great advice, and such comforting words that I don't feel I could add one little jot.
But I wanted you to know that if I was that articulate and wise, I'd have said that too.

Maybe I can think of something to add-or expand on Wol2. Your list and targets is very high, you may want to break it down into bite-size pieces? hypno said when she thought of her debt as £50,000 it was too great to contemplate, but 50 x £1,000 or 1,000 targets of £50 was easier....
I think she even has little squares to colour in as she achieves each one :rotfl:

boredofbeingathome

Yep as the two above say..really couldn't add to it.:T

Hope you are well today Buffy..i love that name always makes me think of Spike and Angel....:drool:

You are allowed to have a bit of a wallow..then onto slaying...would you like to borrow a turnip? V. handy for lobbing on down days:rotfl:

mum2one

Same here cant really add anything but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I wish I had a magic wand, and give you all the magic in the world, but thats the trouble with life. I know the spending thing, Im afraid mine is holidays, I tend to bury my head in the sand somewhere hot, in debt b4 I go, have the hol then still feel as !!!!!........one of theses days get it the right wat round.

have had a bit of news, got a court date week on fri, about an accident dd and I were involved in back in 2005, the other side deny liability, and have been prats even though there were medical reports from the time of the accident and the independent doctors report, there digging their heels in, even asked was I suffering from muschanens and / or muschansens by proxy, gd news is Im not, but apparently Im physcioally damaged!! Says it all.

Got a bargain of a suit reduced from £100 to £20.00, not really what I wanted but will do the job for court. The other laughable thing is as my daughters too young to give evidence she was 2 1/2,at the time of the accident shes now nearly 6, my dad has to give evidence on her behalf and he wasnt even there!
So it boils down to my word against theres- why isnt life easy. DD has decided if she gets any compensation shes off to Mexico to swim with the dolphins........

Buffythedebtslayer

hello,
wow you guys are lovely.

and very tolerant.

I have been to the pub so won't make much sense now. am going to clear out some of my room tomorrow and Friday.

I want to try and talk to my Mum but that will be tough.

any how will report back when sober!

thank you you have no idea how much it means.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wol2

Hi Buffy

Glad to see you back tonight. As you've been to the pub tonight .....might be best to try talk to your mum tomorrow......... Use tonight as a rehearsal.....write down on paper what you want to say and then read it in the morning to make sure it's what you REALLy want to say and that it cant be misinterpreted. (I wrote something to someone the other day under the influence which I thought was very clear ..when i read it the next day I realised it could have been interpreted as something completely different.....and was absolutely mortified. Lots of bridge building required for that error )

Hugs to you
love
Wol2
xx

Buffythedebtslayer

oh God no, wasn't going to talk to her tonight, will do it after my room is sorted that way i have some where to hide when it all goes pear shaped - any criticism of my sister is met with furious denial and questions about my sanity..............

thanks tho Wol, probably not explaining very well but it means alot that you would take time to reply xxxxxxxxxxx

Wol2

Thats' good...so you're not too much worse for wear tonight then

Good luck with the room....I'm off to Owls now before I turn in for tonight..

and hope it all goes well tomorrow.

Much love
Wol2
xx

Rage_in_Eden

Right you've had enough of a wallow . I'm taking off the Claire Rayner touchy feely Kaftan and putting on the Stan from Dinnerladies overall - "think on and look sharp." I hate clearing rooms out - you find loads of stuff you NEED! However, if you can fill one bag it's one bag in the right direction. Good about e-bay (somebody is returning something to me as "it's not what they thought" - well as it's a needlework kit I don't know what they thought it was - a demonstrative hippo perhaps.....). And at 36 you're not a failure - 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30 (not that I'll be seeing 40 again except for on road signs....). I sometimes think (when I am having a kaftan moment) that I'm a failure - 43, gone back to doing the same job that I was doing before I went to uni (because Mr Rage was made redundant and my Phd had to be shelved as somebody had to pay the bills) and got 2 (count 'em) degrees (and half an OU one - still going to finish that) and yet still a secretary, no kids (and still trying), then I look at other people and think "that's my life you've got there you swine" and generally feel I've wasted time. However, I could have been really anal and had a life plan diary but instead I've just floated about and yet when I get talking with other people they're envious of the fact that I've done so much. Then I look at them and think "oh they've never seen an eclipse" or fallen off a bar stool in Memphis (what can I say, it was my birthday) or "they've never worked in the Coronation Street offices" - yes, Ken Barlow's hair really does have a life of it's own - but if everyone was the same the world would be very boring. I use The Ironing Board Principle. When you are on your death bed (or in my case death chaise longue being fanned by bronzed attendants ) do you want to think "oh I wish I'd done more ironing/been at the office more" or do you want to think "I've done .... and ....... and it was darn good fun". To the best of my knowledge nobody has ever come through a psychic to say "oh I wish I'd washed my smalls by hand more often".:rotfl: ..... I rest my case M'Lord...... right off to bed for a nice Poirot I recorded earlier (God Bless my DAB recordable radio and all who reside in her!).