Geriatricmum vs inner voice: A monologue

Aimingforthegoodlife

Nice work on Vinted! I have everything crossed that the tv is a cheap fix. I always think we get the worst weather in the school holidays, I am hoping you get some dry days!

Geriatricmum

Thanks, vinted is a weird world, you can go months not selling anything then you make 12 sales in a week. 

Luckily TV is still under warranty so inner voice kept quiet on that one!

Got the kids today, might go for a long walk to minimise screen time as DD7 was basically watching lady bug all day yesterday. 

Geriatricmum

Me: do you feel like we're in limbo?

Inner voice: financially definitely.

Me: no, not just financially, in all aspects

Inner voice: what do you mean?

Me: well, I put my big girl pants on and found a new job, but then 4 months in colleagues are being made redundant, there's the aforementioned survivors guilt and imposters syndrome to contend with, not to mention the fact that there's not really job security.

Inner voice: job security isn't really a thing anymore though, people move around to find a good fit as life changes, like you did, it's just bad timing.

Me: It's not just that, mentally I've already moved out of this house and am desperate to move so the kids have more room. I just feel like my bad financial choices may scupper that.

Inner voice: you're putting it right now though.

Me: yeah but I don't feel like I'm getting things paid down fast enough, there's so many outgoings, I also feel trapped financially, I have no real spare cash to do anything with. Doesn't feel like the money I earn is mine. 

Inner voice: this is the price of spending on credit. 

Me: ugh, this is so frustrating, it's hard not to worry.

Inner voice : you worry because you care. 

Me: I do, I want stability and financial freedom and security. I want it all!!! 

. 

. 

. 

Me: deep breath, stop talking to yourself, go to bed. 

Spendless

Presumably you have got enough house space to manage and one of the kids isn't sleeping under the stairs like Harry Potter? The kids won't care, if you do eventually  move the youngest especially probably won't even remember. Due to something a neighbour did to their property, I felt we were unable to move (because we'd have had to accepted a lower price for our house) when I was having these thoughts when my kids were younger so we stayed put. When DD became an adult I asked how she'd felt that she didn't grow up in a bigger/better house. She said she wasn't bothered and was more grateful for the opportunities she'd been given as a consequence of us staying where we were (as it meant we benefitted from a lower mortgage) 

What's happening at work isn't in your control. 

enthusiasticsaver

I agree that parking thoughts about house moving seems sensible when job security is not certain and you still have debts. The kids won’t  care. Your inner voice is bang on. Do they share a room or is your DS in with you still? I would also argue that in limbo could also be interpretated as stable. Can you set yourself some interim targets so you feel you are making progress? Paying off a debt by a particular time? Decluttering a room every few weeks or whatever? It doesn’t all have to be financial but just something which makes you feel better about your situation? 

Geriatricmum

We need to move, we're in a 3 bed semi, DD21 and DD7 can't share a room, so DS1 is in our room and DD7 is stuck in the Box room above the stairs that you can just fit a single bed and a set of drawers in.

DD21 isn't likely to move out for at least another 5 years or so, so we can't wait for her room to be freed up.

I understand that they don't care, I grew up in a 2 bed council flat and shared a room with my sister for 23 years and I don't have any ill feelings. But room sharing isn't feasible especially as DD21's boyfriend stays over weekly. 

We started Decluttering yesterday (hence the above post as I had a long chat with DH about how hemmed in I was feeling. The dining table is covered in boxes full of old cables and tech. We have 9 old mobile
Phones!

Geriatricmum

I want to be out of this house by the end of the year, I think by 2yo DS1 will need to be out of our room. 

I want the Barclaycard cleared by May, then half the other cards by the end of the year.

Our mortgage advisor suggested we pay off our cards with the profit from the sale of the house. 

KeepOnKnitting

Hmm, I think I would have a different solution.

DD21 in the box room. DD7 and DS in the larger room. If DD21 wants a double bed and a bigger room, maybe she can share a place with friends. I had to have a single bed in the box room in my early 30s when I was skint. I survived.

If you really feel your youngest two can't share, can you put up a stud wall in the larger room?

Geriatricmum

KeepOnKnitting said:

Hmm, I think I would have a different solution.

DD21 in the box room. DD7 and DS in the larger room. If DD21 wants a double bed and a bigger room, maybe she can share a place with friends. I had to have a single bed in the box room in my early 30s when I was skint. I survived.

If you really feel your youngest two can't share, can you put up a stud wall in the larger room?

We had thought about moving DD21 into the box room but it just isn't big enough, it's tiny, there's no room for a wardrobe let alone her work desk (she works from home). There's no room for a full sized single bed. I think it would also be unfair, she's a good daughter, she helps out alot with her younger siblings and her room is her sanctuary, there's also alot of history regarding her maternal family and being treated like the 'other', it would also mean her bf wouldn't be able to stay over. I can't do it to her. 

Can't put a stud wall in the second bedroom. I wouldn't mind the two younger ones sharing, but again the age difference means that it would restrict what DD7 can do in her room with her friends, DS1 is also a poor sleeper and would keep her up.

We have thought about extending or converting the garage but we would never get back what we put into the house - we've already done extensive works to the house (it was in a right state when we bought it). 

Geriatricmum

DD21 is saving to move out but realistically it'll take her a few years to get there. She has 3k saved up just now, she has more money than me!