The Diary Of Onebrokelady Aged 60 And A Half

Willowtree222

Hope the funeral went as well as it could x

Onebrokelady

Willowtree222 said:

Hope the funeral went as well as it could x

The funeral was an ordeal that’s taken me a little while to get over 

Onebrokelady

Hi everyone I’ve been distracted by the election in the USA so not been here. I also needed some time to get over Dads funeral 😟 there was no drama on the day but it was awful anyway. 

I  arrived at the same time as my half sister who lives here with her family so we all stuck together. My mum was with my other sisters and the nieces and nephew who all stuck together. When we went into the chapel I had to sit on the opposite side to my mum as they had taken all the seats so I wasn’t able to comfort her at all.
 My half sister and family sat with us. My half sister wasn’t going to go to the wake but she decided that she couldn’t let me and my two daughters go on our own so she came too and it was a good job she did or we would have ended up sitting in a corner by ourselves. We were at one end of the pub and the family all sat in a corner behind a pillar so we couldn’t actually  see them, the only other table was across the other side in another corner so we sat there. No one came over to us apart from my mum, I didn’t feel able to go over there seeing as they were all together. Then they all left, mum came and said goodbye but instead of waiting for her they went out to the carpark and left her. She didnt know which way to go so I took her out to the carpark where my sisters were both waiting for her. I didn’t speak to them and I will never forgive them for the way they treated my family that day. I’m done talking about it now.

Im still off sick and in a lot of pain. I had an appointment with a rheumatologist on Friday and it was awful. He kept asking me to describe the pain over and over again and I ran out of ways to explain it. He basically said that he  doesn’t think I have an autoimmune condition and that because I have chronic pain it’s probably making me sensitve to other pain that might be going on 😳😡. I tuned out at that point and stopped listening to him .
 He did some bloods and an X-ray of my right shoulder even though they are both really painful. No X-ray of my knee which is really causing me problems, he did do a chest X-ray because I have a crackly chest. I now have the blood results back and they are showing increased inflammation markers so there is something going on. I left the appointment and just wanted to cry. I don’t understand why no one will listen to me and I told my daughter I can’t live like this. I can’t go to work like this, it’s impossible . I am phoning my surgery tomorrow to ask for an appointment with my own GP to talk about the results of the blood tests. I’m going to ask her to refer me for a private appointment instead because I’m fed up with not getting any answers.

DD2 has told me to ask my GP for a letter of support to say I’m not capable of working. In fact she ( DD ) is writing down what she wants me to say to my gp because I don’t seem to be able to get my point across. I need to know what’s going on and I need some sort of treatment that works otherwise I can’t go back to work. No one can be in the amount of pain I’m in and not have something wrong and to be left with no advice or a plan or painkillers that actually work is not good enough 😡

MY friend only has to walk into her surgery with a vague ache and she gets all the tests under the sun which always come back as normal but they keep testing her anyway. I have disabling pain and abnormal bloods and I’m just left to get on with it 😡😡😡😡😡

jwil

I'm sorry that the funeral was challenging.

I'm really sorry that you don't seem to be getting anywhere with the pain.  I hope your GP listens and supports you with a private referral.   It's good that DD can help you. It's really hard to articulate things sometimes, especially when people don't seem to be listening.  

Onebrokelady

jwil said:

I'm sorry that the funeral was challenging.

I'm really sorry that you don't seem to be getting anywhere with the pain.  I hope your GP listens and supports you with a private referral.   It's good that DD can help you. It's really hard to articulate things sometimes, especially when people don't seem to be listening.  

Thank you 🙂
Im just trying to coast along now and not worry too much but it’s very frustrating when no one listens. I do have trouble explaining things sometimes and my memory is shocking so I can’t always remember when things happened or how long it lasted. I’m now making notes on my phone so I can jog my memory 

dawnybabes

I like the econsult system as I can make lots of notes on it (and it’s documented onto the doctors system just in case in the future) 

Onebrokelady

Woke up at 10am today but was still really tired. I had to get up because  I was meeting my Mum for coffee and to help her buy her Christmas cards. We had a nice time today and she even laughed a few times, she doesn’t joke around or laugh very often so that was nice to see.
 My sister is coming down to visit on Thursday so that will be nice for Mum. She also told me they are trying to arrange to have dad’s ashes scattered on his birthday and did I want to be there so I said yes I would, one of my nieces couldn’t go to the funeral and was quite upset about it so she is going to the scattering of the ashes instead. I’m not sure how it will be but I’m not going to be excluded.

I also tried to make an appointment with my Gp today but she is booked up until the 20th of December so I had to book to see someone else which is what she was trying to avoid in the first place. Anyway the earliest appointment I could get was the 19th of December 😳 so I’ve got to wait until then to discuss my hospital visit and blood test results, which means no treatment until December at the earliest. I don’t think I’m going to get back to work until January at the earliest if ever at this rate. I’m lucky I get full pay until the end of January then it will go down to half pay which I should just be able to manage on hopefully with my pension.

I’ve been looking at things to make life a bit easier so gadgets for opening jars etc and I’m also contemplating buying a hot water dispenser and getting rid of my kettle because I keep dropping it and I’m worried I’m going to burn myself. I won’t have to lift it up to fill my cup up so that would be safer. DD1 has a boiling water tap which was very expensive and it took me about half an hour to figure out how to use it 😂I’m very nervous of it but it’s actually quite safe so long as you resist the urge to check the temp of the water with your finger 😳

After meeting Mum I came home and watched a few YouTube videos with my feet up because my legs were throbbing from walking around. I was only walking for about an hour if that 😟 I also did some knitting so I’ve now finished the front of my jumper, I can do about half an hour then I have to stop but I am getting it done. 

Yesterday I cooked a lovely curry so I had left overs tonight and it tasted even better second time around. I have another portion left so I will have that tomorrow. I’m working my way through the contents of my freezer because it needs defrosting so that used up the Quorn chicken pieces, I’ve used up sausages but have a few other things to eat before I can defrost it. I bought some frozen cauliflower cheese a couple of weeks ago and it is actually quite tasty. I normally make my own but I’ve been feeling so ill I thought it would be a good way of getting veg without it going off because I’m too ill to cook it. 

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry you are having such a dreadful time. You are wise to try to take each day as it comes, and it's good you were able to be with your mum and help her.

A month's wait for a GP appointment is far too long. I think writing things down is an excellent idea, particularly if you feel you are forgetting things. I have trouble remembering everything at the doctor's, and I've not got nearly as much to contend with as you have. The system @dawnybabes mentioned is new to me but sounds like a helpful idea, and a diary gives a clear idea of frequency and severity.

I know you have been poorly for a long time, but I wonder whether all your recent stresses have made it worse? I remember the day after my mum died I lost part of my field of vision and was seen as an emergency, but it cleared up and only recurred during another period of stress. If there's any link between the severity of your symptoms and the amount you're coping with, perhaps you could hope for it to ease over time? I really hope so.

If the weight of a kettle is a problem, would it be an idea to get a lightweight cup as well as a hot water dispenser? I know some people find that makes life easier and we don't always realise a cup can be quite heavy.

in_need_of_direction

I absolutely love my hot water dispenser though it heats to just below boiling that you need to adjust for. It also reduces the risk of burns if you spill from the cup.  We got ours from the big river shop but found it for less in the r@nge.  According to ds, it speeds up the super noodle process.

milann

Sorry the funeral was so hard for you and that you’ve been in so much pain. A month is a long time to wait for an appointment to see the GP. Would it be worth trying to get a cancellation. Although I know our surgery has recently changed to online only and it’s atrocious.
Hows the jumper coming along…..I’m pleased you can still manage to do that 👍