Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

daisy_1571

I don't think you're overthinking 

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks @daisy_1571 I will have a think on how to broach that one. DD is super sensitive and will shut down if she thinks I'm in any way judgey or questioning motives etc etc... then I'll get no where. But there are some nice pieces in there that I think would be better sent off for someone else to actually wear. The sizes are 12/14 mostly and DD is a dot compared to the clothes, they swamp her when they're on her. 

Right bedroom is moved about 😁👏🏻. Had a really good deep clean in the bits I can't usually reach. Windows opened and some air running through it and it looks brighter and clearer and cleaner. I'm pleased with it. (I'll ignore the ensuite that never looks clean). I'm moving bits down to the dressing room such as hair dryer and straighteners so DD can use them too. 
We've ordered a new shower hose and shower head too.

Money shuffling is all done. But because of big refunds due we are currently short by quite a bit on fun spend money. £300+ short 😬.
£200 is due back in refunds but the other Hundred has been spent on groceries, paint, shower hoses, boxes etc. So need to try and make that back somewhere. Otherwise no extra money for Xmas spends. 

I've also made an error on my banking app, I thought I'd cancelled the OP due out and I hadn't I had just missed one payment last month. And now it's too late to cancel it. I think I will have to move money from the EF to cover it. I have an instinct that ex won't pay his maintenance this month because of the messages yesterday - he has put in for it to be recalculated  Again!!  So... I feel like he will hold on to any money now until it's sorted.

ladybird1106

Have you thought about suggesting DD choose some pieces of step mums clothes and have a memory bear made.
love 🐞

daisy_1571

Great idea ladybird. 

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

No, that's a great idea. I will ask her about this 😃 

greenbee

You could also ask her whether there are any items she'd like to see about getting altered if she's particularly fond of them. 

And maybe the dressing room is a chance for you both to have a declutter. If you have boxes of clothes to store in your bedroom, maybe it's worth a review? And could you shelve the alcove so that the out-of-season clothing (if that's what your storing) is on shelves and visible rather than stacked in boxes? If you're clearing out and talking about why you keep or discard certain things it might be a good opening for the conversation. 

Having had most of my clothes packed away and difficult to access for the last couple of years, I found I hardly wore any of them, so I've made a decision to keep them all out (with the exception of wool jumpers that go in a camphorwood chest in the summer, and are swapped for summer stuff in the winter) so that I know what I have available. And I'll be able to make sensible decisions about what I no longer need. I'm keeping some stuff (suits) that I don't need now, but won't want to buy again for the rare occasions that I'm likely to need them. And they are staying out (but in a less accessible corner) so I don't forget. If I go back to travelling for work then I'll end up keeping everything out again as I could go from Canadian winter to Australian summer on the same trip!

debtfreewannabe321

All of my clothes are out in the room @greenbee, the only things to be bagged up is things like DIY or gardening clothes (scrags as DP calls them 🤣) I could probably get a box and put them in the dressing room on top of the wardrobes as plenty of room still up there. Also a couple of big coats that take up hanging space. They're out now as we're going into winter but in summer I think I'd like to put them away. All my summer tops and shorts I've folded into one box. I seem to have a lot of clothes but compared to DD I don't have that many I think just seeing it all on display makes it feel more 🤣.
The memory bear fell flat and I got a firm NO.
I'll ask about maybe taking some pieces in as it would be nice for her to wear some. Rather than our lovely new dressing room being a shrine to someone I met twice and makes me think of ex-twit every time I see the clothes 😬. 

DP was attempting to clean the gutters earlier and they're super awkward as they're the ones above our window in the bedroom so the dormer window with the flat roof. The extension comes right below that so the ladder has to go up the side of the extension and balance very carefully. You couldn't get down there if you were very large put It that way. It's a tiny space. So anyway he's balanced on that. The neighbour comes out. The one we're attached to. Starts complaining about the guttering. Yes, I know says DP but we've run out of money it will have to be a next year job now. (Guttering is old and blocked) He carries on moaning at DP who is trying to talk to him as well as steady himself on this ladder. Anyway he rants away at DP about construction noises (long finished) and that we thought you were getting a conservatory that's an extension!? (We sent him plans through his door of the proposed works 🤔) It's too close To my boundary (it's the right amount away according to building regs whatever that is and his flipping extension is UPTO the fence!) and how he had to turn his TV up last night because DP drilled one hole in the wall  and finishes off with, I don't think much of my new neighbours. And that was it, DP was fuming 😬. Quite right too. He told him he was well within his rights to drill at 6:30pm, he has to do his DIY around work because he works full time and the extension was approved by building regs etc and he stopped short of, and fleck off it ain't none of ya business. 
I think we might be off the Xmas card list hey. 🙈🤣

daisy_1571

one day when you are both in the right mood and chatting, if you can, ask if she knows why she's keeping the clothes since they don't actually fit and dontvseem her style, it might spark off an interesting conversation.   If it feels right, the idea about 'the items aren't the person' might take some time to be fully understood and accepted but might help her in time.   Its easier I think as I get older to more fully understand big ideas like that, she might still be 30 years too young

Its a complicated situation, to you it's an ex partners ex, to her its a deceased step mother figure.  To you its your lovely new dressing room in your house, to her its just another part of the house she lives in.  You are trying to make every space fresh, useful and/or beautiful, thinning out your possessions to get to the best efficiency, she's maybe not seeing it that way.

This might not be accurate, im just trying to remember back when I lived at home.  I'm sure I did not take into account the fact that my mum and dad paid for this house with their hard earned.  I just took sooooo much for granted I'm sure, sometimes its awful thinking how blasé and self centred I was as a teenager (and probably a 20 year old, 30 year old etc 😆🤣).  

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

Yep I think that's exactly what she thinks of it @daisy_1571 😅 just another part of the house. I was the same too, I never considered who paid for things at that age. In some ways she is so wise and then other ways she shows her age so much 🤣 and I have to remind myself she's just 17. 

I slept like a baby last night, had half a antihistamine before bed as my allergies were playing havoc with me, and it seemed to knock me out until just ten minutes ago 🤣🙏🏻.

Ex has paid £200 in, and then five minutes later he paid another £50 in 🤔. Like he had second thoughts. Anyway, yay. Because I messed up on cancelling the S.O out of my bank. So ex is now paying my mortgage OP this month 😉😁. And I have a bonus £50 to take off of what I'm short for the month...so that is good. 

beanielou

Good news on money from ex and it paying your mortgage OP.