Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

Well I didn't buy the paint or lining paper yet. I needed to stick around to help lift things, hold things and be general assistant to DP.
We've come to a bit of a halt with it all and can't figure out which end panel is for what and how to attach a dishwasher when it's on a peninsula and and and ugh my brain hurts...
We've got down from hundreds of boxes to the last twenty or so (although one more delivery due tomorrow) and it's got really hard now to work it all out. 

Going swimming in a bit and DP is taking DD out for a driving lesson too. Pizza and chips from the freezer for dinner as everything is a mess but at least it's cheaper than a take out even if not much healthier.

Ex is being an idiot again. He thinks he is hero, that's the role he's currently playing anyway. And suggesting ways for me to reach out to my own son 😡...
DS is ignoring my messages. DD was feeling the same way and I didn't realise until she said her dad had not replied in three weeks to her. His new girlfriend has put pics all over SM of ds, extwit and her and her two sons. Her two sons are calling ex daddy after less than a year together...omg DD I thought was going to hit the roof she was so angry. Then she proceeded to pull up pics from four years ago of ex, and his ex gf (the one who passed away) and her two children...and they were all cosied up. The pics looked almost exactly the same aside from different people 😬 DD does not appreciate being replaced it seems. And I don't blame her. Poor thing. She said look at these pictures! These are family pictures and I am not in any. 🙈. She's not happy. And I don't really know how to make it better. She messaged her dad yesterday and said are you ignoring me. She said to me watch this, he will put - no lovely I have just been really busy with work.....he put exactly that 🙈 I was impressed with her psychic skills until she said that's his script every time he ignores me 🙈🤣.

Right DD has gone out for driving. I will tidy up the boxes in the extension as they're trip hazards, we have opened every box looking for one thing ... couldn't find it and just abandoned task mid way through 🤣.

KajiKita

Your DD sounds like a savvy young woman - respect!

If it helps you could send some pictures of the dishwasher (and unit) and the peninsula and see if Mr KK can help advise? (He does kitchens amongst many other things )

As for Ex-Idiot telling you how to 'reach out to your son' ... My immediate reaction is just to laugh. The second is to see him unthinkingly adding another heap of wood to the bonfire that is his karma ...  

DS will cotton on to the value of you eventually, just like DS1 did Hang on in there and hugs in the meantime x

KK   

debtfreewannabe321

KajiKita said:

Your DD sounds like a savvy young woman - respect!

If it helps you could send some pictures of the dishwasher (and unit) and the peninsula and see if Mr KK can help advise? (He does kitchens amongst many other things )

As for Ex-Idiot telling you how to 'reach out to your son' ... My immediate reaction is just to laugh. The second is to see him unthinkingly adding another heap of wood to the bonfire that is his karma ...  

DS will cotton on to the value of you eventually, just like DS1 did Hang on in there and hugs in the meantime x

KK   

Oh I will take some pics and send them to you. We are utterly baffled.

And I really hope so I feel utterly deflated since seeing the pics of him cosied up to the new gf whom he calls step mum - ex has been dating this woman less than a year?! I find it so odd and also quite impressive how ex manages to get his gfs accepted so easily when my DP has been around since DS was 9 and he is still only partially accepted - usually ignored by DS with much contempt. I find it heartbreaking as DP is ten times the man exidiot is.

slm6002

I am sorry about Ex-idiot, my XH also likes to post family pictures with sickly narratives about his lovely family.  It annoys everyone who knew him when he was with his actual children and never joined in with anything family related.  The children are hurt because of, it even if they can see exactly what he is like.  They don't want anything to do with him but it is sad.  I cant imagine ever ignoring my children.

Well done on the progress of the kitchen, it sounds like you are doing really well and are so close to being finished

debtfreewannabe321

slm6002 said:

I am sorry about Ex-idiot, my XH also likes to post family pictures with sickly narratives about his lovely family.  It annoys everyone who knew him when he was with his actual children and never joined in with anything family related.  The children are hurt because of, it even if they can see exactly what he is like.  They don't want anything to do with him but it is sad.  I cant imagine ever ignoring my children.

Well done on the progress of the kitchen, it sounds like you are doing really well and are so close to being finished

@slm6002 it's infuriating watching it from the sidelines. Poor DD used to be dad's favourite until she caught him cheating on his gf when she was seriously sick. Dad quickly dropped her in favour of DS who'd been sidelined for years and so I can see why ds tries so hard because he wants to win favour with dad and have his attention. I hate watching the games he plays with these children ☹️.

I hope to post very soon and say- yay the kitchen is done! We're in! ...fingers crossed it's soon 🫣

debtfreewannabe321

We have had a final bill for the extension and if this is it then we have spare money at the end of paying them. Enough to get a skip, pay the last cooker payment, and the table and chairs payments and also some to go towards finishing the other end of the room (where old kitchen is). Fingers crossed there are no extra bills 🤞🏻

We all went swimming this evening which was nice, and as it's a swim for fitness rather than fun swim it's so quiet 😌 I am so used to the family swims with kids in tow that I used to dread going but it's actually quite nice to swim in peace without a child going "mum!" Behind you 😂.
I also did 24 laps so 2 better than before 👏🏻😁. I think that is my limit for now and I'd like to speed them up a bit rather than adding more. 

daisy_1571

debtfreewannabe321 said:

KajiKita said:

Your DD sounds like a savvy young woman - respect!

If it helps you could send some pictures of the dishwasher (and unit) and the peninsula and see if Mr KK can help advise? (He does kitchens amongst many other things )

As for Ex-Idiot telling you how to 'reach out to your son' ... My immediate reaction is just to laugh. The second is to see him unthinkingly adding another heap of wood to the bonfire that is his karma ...  

DS will cotton on to the value of you eventually, just like DS1 did Hang on in there and hugs in the meantime x

KK   

Oh I will take some pics and send them to you. We are utterly baffled.

And I really hope so I feel utterly deflated since seeing the pics of him cosied up to the new gf whom he calls step mum - ex has been dating this woman less than a year?! I find it so odd and also quite impressive how ex manages to get his gfs accepted so easily when my DP has been around since DS was 9 and he is still only partially accepted - usually ignored by DS with much contempt. I find it heartbreaking as DP is ten times the man exidiot is.

I think that you've hit on the nub of the issue right there.  While young we only see what we interpret as 'the good stuff', we don't appreciate who is actually morally better but as we mature we start to appreciate that the stuff we didn't enjoy as kids and teenagers really was the good stuff.  It was that that showed our parents and other care givers were doing the best for us, trying to help us become better healthier adults.  Its like someone buying takeaway every night versus the person telling you to eat your veg and only giving you one sweetie not the whole packet.  When you're young and immature you are gonna want the first guy being your full time carer.  Once you grow up you realise the second guy was the one who genuinely had your best interests at heart.  He'll look back and see things quite differently to how he sees it right now.

If you can, try to be happy that he's (hopefully) got a good relationship with the current stepmum.   A photo can of course be very misleading but you must want him to be living with someone he likes and gets on with.  

Once he's done more growing up he might well look back on his relationship with your partner a bit shamefaced.  He probably got into the habit of how he reacts to him and, being a teenager, he doesn't know how to stop being that way now.  Maybe at 9 he, consciously or otherwise, blamed him for you and the dad breaking up (even if in actuallity it was nothing to do with that in his head who knows how he felt) or saw him as the obstacleto you getting back together, but you've both had a good influence on him and underneath the teenagerness he sounds a good kid so if you look at it that he is getting a chance to react positively to the new girlfriend who he is meeting as an almost-adult and can treat her without the layers of emotions.   Itsxquute different to meeting your partner at 9. 

Kinda like the old Kevin and perry sketches.   They were both gruesome in their own houses but perfect and polite out in the real world.  That shows they know how to behave due to the teaching of the family even though they don't react that way at home lol, I'm sure your boy is like that too, you just don't usually get to see it, you get gruesome ds lol

Dxxx

beanielou

It took a while for the scales to partly fall off DS's eyes. 
Your DD sounds on the button.

debtfreewannabe321

I hope you're both right @daisy_1571 and @beanielou it's heartbreaking in the interim whilst i just wait and watch him with a new family. You can't help but go over your parenting thinking what did I do wrong. But I tried my best considering my choice of their father and my budget and my circumstances....that's all anyone could do. They were loved, safe,  fed, clothed, clean but sometimes to a teenager that's not quite enough.

Watty1

No words of wisdom but for the first time ever I thought, as I read this,  thank goodness I did not have children with PPH (he conspired so it did not happen, lets just park that) as he would have been an equal nightmare.