Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

daisy_1571

It must be hard for dp, he likely approaches things differently to you but is possibly aware he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.  At the end of the day he's your son and whilst you might complain, you maybe don't want to hear someone else saying the same things?  Maybe by being a bit quiet, he's just letting you have your rant and being there for you best way he knows how?

I think you're right, it could make you unwell to keep thinking about it all?  I doubt very much you've done anything 'wrong' at all.  Hes finding his own way in life and that means branching out to see for himself what his dad is like.  I think (you might not like it but im going to say it anyway) you need to give him some space.   You've no doubt sent many messages this year telling him much the same, you love him, you're here for him, come home any time etc?  Maybe limit yourself to one contact a week?  Or an early morning 'good morning, hope you have a good day at school' or something?  Being a teenager he's likely cringing at every love declaration 😆 but it's good that he is gently reminded every so often that you're still thinking of him however you can't suspend your life checking your phone every 2 minutes hoping for contact.  Thats not fair on dp, you or dd.

I also agree you must be physically exhausted.   The last 5 years you listed out, plus your day to day job that is very full on and draining.  Please give yourselves a few days of proper holiday - read your book, sit in the garden, go to a nt place and walk in the woods with a flask, just get out the house the pair of you and think and talk about something other than DIY and family 😆  the dust and reorganising can wait, it'll still be there in September 

Dxxx

Watty1

Bless you, no surprise to any of us you are burnt out with all that has gone on.      I  hope you can find a little space today to do something that restores your soul.

debtfreewannabe321

@slm6002 I will keep looking as I need a break.
@KajiKita I have done nothing towards the kitchen since I broke down crying up a ladder (reminiscent of my new year eve here 🫣🤔) this morning. I did however manage to sand the coving around the chimney breast before erupting into floods 🙈.
@daisy_1571 you are right and I know it when I'm in my sane moments but when DD shows me yet more pictures of family frolics with the new family and dad I get so sad. I actually sent DS a message this morning and said I won't message again until he's ready to talk to me, I will wait for him to come to me. As painful as it is. ☹️ I know he's 16 and back in my day many of my friends left home at 16/17/18 I think it is the circumstances in which he left that have broken me. DD is just as upset about being left out so I let her rant to me and show me the pictures because she needs an outlet too. She gets annoyed if I rant though and/or get upset. That distress seems to be only allowed to outlet one way. 
And you are also right the house will still be here in a few weeks it can wait. I think I had an omg moment which triggered me yesterday of- we have run out of money and have so much more that we want to do. I can't live in a half done house without my mental health suffering. I think it reminds me too much of all the old houses we lived in as kids and sets me off too much. I should probably pay for therapy instead of new bathrooms and carpets 🙈.
@Watty1 thank you, I watched a movie - one of the kids old dvds Coraline, but that set me off again because I remember the kids being scared of it and wanting to cuddle me and now I don't have that. Omg. I feel like I should be on my period or something 🤣.

DP has got one with the kitchen. And he's left me alone for the most part I didn't want to talk about anything as it was setting me off all the more. He's putting pelmets and cornicing on (I think that's what they're called) and all the under cupboard lighting. It's looking really nice. 
He also went out shopping and made lunch. I think perhaps he realised I've been not only doing half the DIY, but also shopping, budgeting, paying the bills, cooking in an utter mess (we still have no floor in the kitchen just channels where there is massive pipes and chipboard over the top which bows when you stand on certain bits). I woke up at 2:22 last night and just sobbed silently ...and then read my book for an hour 🤣 balance hey. I've also read my book today and eaten lots and drunk lots of water. I will be fine by tomorrow I hope.
I made the right decision not to go out today I would have just been overwhelmed and ended up wanting to leave.  Couldn't even give the tickets away don't think anyone saw my FB post. Shame but also don't care 🤷🏻‍♀️💅🏻🤣. 

Bananabreadyum

Biggest hugs! 
Well done on reading your book and drinking lots of water. You made the right choice about not going out. 
Maybe watch another film and have an early night
💕💕

daisy_1571

Glad you had a fairly quiet day, ur dp is a lovely sounding chap, just keeping on keeping on.

I understand u trying to help ur daughter but maybe try distraction techniques to get her off the subject of them?  I think you both need a break from it?

Much hugs xxxxx

Bargainhunter30

I was going to suggest maybe trying to chat to a therapist to allow you to vent. 

Also maybe you and DD should remove social media or contact with them on social media. Focussing on the posts and looking out for them is not healthy.

When the kitchen is done take a long DIY break. We've just had our bathroom redone, whilst we were away. Someone else did the work and it was still super stressful, so I don't know how you are coping. Could you be happy with just a nice kitchen/diner, lounge and bedroom (?) for a few months?

beanielou

You need time to just 'be' without DIY or anything else.No advice on the DS's thing.  xx

Newstartforme

DFW, just caught up , sending you love that you get through this tough time , fwiw think you have done the right thing regarding your ds .he will come through this I am sure of that , hope things improve in some small way xx

Watty1

I do hope today is a better day.  You are doing so well and so much even if it doesn’t feel like it.  Hopefully you can recharge a little more today x

debtfreewannabe321

@Bananabreadyum @daisy_1571 @Bargainhunter30 @beanielou @Newstartforme @Watty1
Thank you all 🥰 it means a lot to have some support (even if you're not here in person with me). I've not spoken to a single friend in weeks which I think is not helping. I need regular offloads to people 🫣 (and obviously they do the same then we get on with discussing other things like alien invasions 🤪) I'm feeling very tired today. So the tears and the not feeling great carried on for a day. I actually think I was fighting a bug at the same time, but also, it could have been stress which triggered me to be physically unwell too (nauseous and needed the loo and awful lot that night - trying not to make this tmi). 

Yesterday DP had finished the kickboards, the lighting, and fancy trim bits and it looked fab. I asked him to help me with the wallpapering, which I don't mind doing - I like the finishing jobs, so we did do some 'DIY' I guess yesterday but it wasn't meaning I was covered in brick dust, sawdust, paint or anything dirty so I was relatively happy with that 😆. We lined it and then downed tools and went for a walk along the canal and got a burger from BK (we get a 25% discount) I was craving sugar after feeling poorly the day before so wanted the cola more than the food.
I managed to literally bump into my sister. The one who used to talk to me before I moved here (she did come and nose at the new house though and then went very very quiet after that). I was pretty quiet, a mixture of feeling unwell physically and emotionally exhausted and also very upset she'd ignored me for so long and now wanted to pretend all is well (so fake). I bumped into her in the home store I used to work in for three weeks (remember that brief period of insanity) the few staff I recognised looked frazzled as ever and one looked ready to scream or cry. Possibly both. Was very glad I had left. And grateful I managed to walk straight into another job where I get so many holidays to be honest. Sent them a quiet hug and thought, good luck, as I got to leave and they had to stay, probably for ten minutes after their shift ended as I was ending up doing. No supervisor or manager to be seen. 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

Ambled around town shopping and then Met DD from work and went home.

And then we got some wallpaper up. Now I bought this wallpaper two houses ago and was looking for the perfect place for it. I almost used it in the last house but I knew I wanted to move so didn't. And in this house I immediately knew it was for the kitchen 😃. It's very bright and colourful and a bit lairy if you don't like those things - but I love it. I am wondering if I should try and seal it in some way to preserve it better. It was also reduced so to cover our very shoddy walls it only cost me  £15. (I'll add a pic and if you recognise my pic from real life sm don't 'out' me 😆). 

Today I've already had my medical for the fostering form. Dr said I was a healthy weight 🤔 I asked him how he came to that conclusion because all BMI forms tell me I'm obese and he said they're not very accurate (his words) they don't take into account shapes. 😃 So that made me feel slightly better. Although, I still think I'm a bit overweight. Anyway that's fine and all done.

The last package came today for the kitchen. We had two missing boxes which they didn't quibble over and sent out for me super quick 😃 so one more cupboard to put up (the stand alone one). I'll do it today as want my house back to normal with no cardboard boxes in it. 

Today is about me, I've done my make up and brushed my hair (seriously I've been washing the hair, running fingers through it, and throwing it straight into a bun out of the way of paint and sawdust and everything else aforementioned). Makeup I haven't touched in weeks. 

I bought a few bits for going back to work yesterday. My charity shop wardrobe worked perfectly last year and the bits that are still good I've kept and the bits I didn't like (too clingy, too hot, not washed well or whatever) I've taken out the wardrobe and I've bought some bits to compliment what I already had. And a pretty dress from Roman (I love their clothes so pretty and colourful). I also bought some new supplements as I ran out and some new makeup as I didn't realise I was at the end of it and moisturiser (gawd I've let everything go to pot 🙈). But spendy tbh but I didn't care. 💅🏻💁🏻‍♀️

I have been looking for some coffee tables for months now too. I wanted a nest of them so we can put away and get out as needed and use across both reception rooms. Yesterday I got a notification on FB to say some were listed and they were perfect! Match my mid century style that we lean towards (although I've got every era of furniture from Victorian to current to be honest I'm eclectic 😆) and also the wood colour matched everything we have. Used the money I got for my sofa to pay for them 😃 and I was happy to part with it for them (some nice erc0l pebble tables which I thought were a steal for £200). 

I'm slowly, in between cuppas and sit downstairs, starting to empty out the garage, the front room, DS room, of my kitchen stuff and bring the kitchen back to just one place 🤣 I cannot tell you how nice it was to pick my cutlery up off the floor this morning where it has been in a broken drawer on top of the broken floor for over a month. It has a home! I can't use four cupboards just yet. Water filters need putting in, plumbing and some cupboards need shelves cut to size etc but I will move across what I can. My aim is to empty the garage of all kitchen stuff at the very least. 
Okay cuppa finished, I will get on with another cupboard 😁.