Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

I had an epic sleep. We switched the laptop off at 9:20 and I didn't wake until someone (DD) was poking me to wake up at 8:20! Well I did wake...middle aged bladder. ..but went back to sleep. She wanted her hair doing so I got up. Feel rested unlike my sleeps of late. 

I am not planning on doing very much today. Tidy around and mopping dusty floors again. And making DS bed before he comes home. I also have a lot of fresh stuff in the fridge so I want to chop some and freeze it and cook the rest or plan it in a meal or two. 
My aubergine plant has around a dozen fruit growing! I'm going to pick them as soon as they turn purple this time as I was leaving them until they were big before but I realised after a while they never get to shop size 😆. 

Hopefully a NSD. The garden is soggy from rain but hopefully it will dry off so I can put a wash on and out on the line. 

debtfreewannabe321

I'm stopping for the day. I hope DP is too soon because the noise of the drilling into concrete is 🫨 making me have a headache. 
I've done a wash and hung it out but it's cloudy and not too warm. Hopefully warm enough to dry though.
I've dusted three bedrooms and hoovered/ swept/mopped where appropriate and moved DS room around. He had low hanging cupboards which were in the way of putting anything useful against a whole wall so we've moved them back up (to oddly enough where they originally were!) we think they must have been moved down for a smaller child so they could reach the shelves. I didn't get that done quickly enough to get any paint on the walls but that is a job to be done. Hopefully I'll get round to it before I go back to work.

I rang DS earlier to see when he's back and tomorrow evening is looking likely..he was being very quiet when I spoke to him and it turned out that ex was sat there listening to the whole conversation and mouthing to him what to say. !!!!!!? So now I can't even have a conversation with my son? 🤦🏻‍♀️
DP was getting very sarkie and making comments about this which really don't help my mental state when DS and ex are seemingly ganging up on me. So I've asked him to cool off the sarcasm when he's back and any passive aggressive comments as he resorts to them too with ds when he's being difficult. I really hope it goes ok and I am thinking of saying something to ds now. He's lived with me all his life but for the last few years I've been too scared to parent him properly as he runs to daddy and daddy tells me off for having rules ..well I think it's time to reinstate a few rules and expectations. He's come and go and snuck about as he pleased for so long it was becoming very awkward with him here. Since he's been gone we've all got on really well DD myself and DP.  It's like the air was cleared in some way. I'll have a think on how to approach this but I can't have him come here for two weeks and lock himself away again and wait his time out to leave. Which is what it's felt like lately.

Also ex wants to drop him off for two weeks! He never ever lets me have the kids that long in summer. 🤔

 The house is an utter tip though and not the nicest environment at the moment with all going on so I have tried to clean it up today and we will see how we go 🙈 and I do not have funds to keep DS amused out of the house for weeks on end. I wonder if ex is planning on paying maintenance or not. 🤔 I guess I will find out soon enough. 

Right off to get DD in a moment she's finishing work soon. 🙂

daisy_1571

Eh, he's only just gone?  Whats he doing coming back for a fortnight?   Thought he was just coming back for the day of his birthday? 

Do you think this is him quietly hoping to change his mind and just end up coming back to live with you because its not so great there as he thought it was going to be? Or just exidiot getting rid of him for a while and this will be his pattern, have son for a couple of weeks then tell him to come back to you for a couple of weeks? 

I know you'll be as much in the dark as us so dont feel you have to explain what is ex is up to but it must be very unsettling for you and your lad, can't really plan anything.

Good if you can get a chance to have a chat with him.  Only advice i can think of to offer there is to 'keep the heid'  , treat him as much as an adult as you think he can cope with, ask him for his plans and solutions rather than telling him what he should do or telling him to 'ask your dad' thereby letting him work out who's the organised one and who's full of the proverbial stinky stuff. 

Similarly a calm statement of 'when you're here this is how things work, I don't tell your dad how to parent so I'd appreciate if you can understand that how your dad and I parent is very different to each other and now that you are old enough to understand this you have to adapt to our rules here, his rules there'.  Point out that all of you in your house adapt to each other, consider each other and the few house rules are so it works for everyone who lives there now that you are all either adults or almost adults. (Maybe dont mention at this point in the discussion that his sister woke you so you could do her hair! )

Easier said than done im sure.   

Such a difficult time for you with all the building work going on but great you've got his room sorted.  A great thing that he's coming back and will feel hes still welcome and was missed and thought about.  That might not happen at the other end, so again a good contrast for him to begin understanding. 

Keeping everything crossed it all goes smoothly 

Dxxx

Watty1

Great wisdom from @daisy_1571

debtfreewannabe321

I think it's more this @daisy_1571
Or just exidiot getting rid of him for a while and this will be his pattern, have son for a couple of weeks then tell him to come back to you for a couple of weeks? 
But as you say I am in the dark...I'm always guessing what's going on. It's like ex sees me as the enemy and therefore doesn't tell me anything about what's happening it means I can't ever plan anything. This has to change.
You've made some really good points on how to put It across to DS so I will take that and use it along with a few other things I think we need to talk about.. although not planned what yet. But generally stop being so rude to us....!

So this morning DD had her theory test - she passed!!! Woop 🥳 first time and it was only just a pass as she said she finished really early so went back over everything and she changed one answer as she realised in her haste to finish that she hadn't read the question properly. So she changed it and that was the pass! A pass is a pass regardless I told her 🥳 we went off to buy cake and celebrate (at her workplace so 50% discount - £6 for three bits of cake!)

I bought ds a card whilst waiting and a mug. He has hated birthdays and Christmas since being little so I'm not getting lots of presents instead I've booked a table at a restaurant with arcades in it. So a bit of fun and food at the same time. That's booked for tomorrow.

I've found a nice spot where I'd like to put my chair in the new extension. Right by the patio doors looking out into the garden ☺️ feels very peaceful and I've been watching the butterflies go in and out of the flower bed and greenhouse. At the moment I'm sat on a folding garden chair 🤭. Builders are absent again and we're making the most of the peace.

DD has gone upstairs to chill. She doesn't even want a driving lesson later. She'd stressed herself out so much revising for this test and starting the new job and having her friend stay that I think she needs a bit of down time. 

I'm going to get changed and go into the garden I think and tidy around and just potter. That is my favourite thing to do 😉😁.

Dinner is leftover ratatouille for DP and I. And pasta and jar sauce for the kids. So no stress there either...I feel very tired don't know why so just going to take it easy today and let the day flow into whatever it's meant to be. 🙂

slm6002

Congrats to your DD for passing, especially 1st time.  I have had a few goes over the years when my 2 have done them, and not passed the practice ones. 

Enjoy your peaceful day and I hope talk with DS goes well

beanielou

Well done to your Dd. 

KajiKita

🎊🎉🥳 to DD 😊👏

KK

debtfreewannabe321

Ah thank you @slm6002, @beanielou & @KajiKita she's exhausted herself I think and has popped to the corner shop, bought tonnes of snacks and a pot noodle 🤔 and gone upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door with netflix for company 🤣. 
Also Slm... I have tried the one on her app and I failed the test 😳🤣 it was really hard and some questions just didn't make any sense?! 

DS is home soon. They told me 6 and then DD five pm about half hour ago 🙄 I am not surprised at the change.

I've tidied garden, and painted another coat on the raised beds, moved a few bits from the greenhouse that I kept falling over and I will go feed the tomatoes and cucumber in a moment then call it a day out there. I've a glut of cucumber at the moment 😁 and also gherkins so I need to pickle them. Might be a job for tomorrow or the day after now as I need to find the jars that are hidden all over the place in the mess of the kitchen moving 🤣🙄.

debtfreewannabe321

DS came home around 5. He ran upstairs said thank you to me for tidying his room and moving stuff around and then came down with three bags and his entire wardrobe 🤔.
I didn't say anything. 
Ran it out to dad's car.
DD came down to say hello and get her 'well done' on passing her test. Ex took them out for a drink to Costa I think and they've been gone ever since. I've been up to DS room and his under stairs wardrobe is empty 😳 although there are a few items on his bed to wear all week.
Plus side is he will not be doing a wash every day as there isn't enough clothes 🤭😆.
Exidiot already moaning about how much ds eats and how grumpy he gets if not enough sleep/ food. 😁👌🏻 You enjoy that one mate and we'll see how friendly you both are in another year.

Anyway I've swept the extension. I'm not entirely sure where all the dust is coming from at this point 🤔. DP is sanding down my plastering attempt. The new beam is on its way 😁 can't wait until that is up too. 

Here's a pic of the progress so far. I did the tiling, grouting and plastering 😁 so look away if you're a perfectionist or believe only trades should be doing this (you know what if I'd had the money leftover they would have done it 😆🤣). 

Holes all over ceiling are from electrician channeling across from the kitchen.