Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

skint_spice

Aww so glad the surprise went so well.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks @beanielou @daisy_1571 @Watty1 @KajiKita @skint_spice ☺️ 
Early to bed so early to rise.
I saw ex circling the car as he arrived just like he did with our one 🤔 but when he knocked on the door he seemed genuinely happy for her and told us well done on getting it for her. So we took that, it's a better and more genuine reaction than he usually has to things like this 🙌🏻.

DS hadn't bought DD anything (he's 15 I suppose why would he) so I bought him some chocolates and card to give her from him and he apparently went into her room the day before her birthday to give them to her stating he couldn't be a$$ed to do it on her birthday. Hmm. He's super disconnected at the moment. Real sad.
After the exchange DS had with me- basically quite rude and ignorant and treated me like waiting staff asking how long his dinner was going to be - ex was stood talking to DP saying I'll see if he wants to stay here.. DP was stating how his school is excellent and small class sizes and how I'd managed to secure him a place to do well etc etc and ex stated- I'll see if I can talk him into staying here. Well, has he had second thoughts? Because I know he wouldn't bother unless it was to be advantageous to him. 🤔

DP filmed DD yesterday and I sent it to a friend (she used to be on here actually although don't think she's on much any more) and she said DD had said she hadn't minded either way that all she'd got for her birthday was some chocolates and cards. 🥰 I hadn't heard her say that as was sorting bits out so I thought that's lovely that she genuinely wasn't expectant of anything big. 🎁🥰.

Today my friend might be popping over and I do really need to go shopping for some food. I feel utterly drained and exhausted though. So I'm going to do as little as possible I think and just R&R ☺️

KajiKita

Interesting about the ex … There are two possibilities here - he wants DS to stay with you because he recognises what a handful DS has become … or, and it would be interesting to get DP’s take on this, he is understanding that he (ex) is not the right person to help DS and actually it wouldn’t do DS any good to move away from his school, his dentist etc. I appreciate that seeing the ex like this is very hard after your experiences of him, but the way he *sees himself* is inevitably very different. He may be, in a clumsy and immature, with mixed motivations 😉 genuinely be *trying* to do the best thing for DS …. As I say, chew it over with DP as he seems pretty savvy and he’s in the middle of the dynamic with you so he will be able to read it better than I from here! 😉😊

Glad ex was civil anyway 😊

A rest day sounds like a good idea … I bet it will last for the morning and you will be at something DIYing by this afternoon! 😂😂

KK

slm6002

Belated happy birthday for DD, she is a very luck girl.  I think XH is having second thoughts as it has not had the reaction he thought it would with you (you are going along with it even if it is heart breaking), but that is based off how my XH would be lol. Anyway I am glad he didn't spoil the celebrations.

You are doing really well with the house.  It sounds like it will completed before too long.  Make sure to take some time out for you too though, as September will be here before we know it.

debtfreewannabe321

Friend has cancelled and quite honestly I breathed a sigh of relief. I am absolutely exhausted and it is not even 10am yet. I am sleeping really badly lately. 
Builders have just turned up, DP has gone off to Nottingham for the day and DD has left for school. Sort of peaceful house because, obviously, builders....

I was looking at the banks this morning and they are all looking very depleted 😬 I will be honest though, July is always a bad month for us. I have 5 birthdays I buy for (2 of them my kids but also DDIL, nephew and uncle, oh and aunty so actually 6!!) I also always meet up with friends in July as we all seem to panic before summer break that we won't see each other once kids are off and everyone wants a meet up. It's odd really as we don't see each other very much any more anyway and our kids are all older now....we've totally conditioned ourselves to do this haha. 

DS has obviously gone to his dad's house though so I think the food bill will be smaller as he is not vegan or even veggie so we had been buying him all sorts in an attempt to appease him. It didn't work. We will have that money back in the budget now. It is getting close to us needing to hit the emergency fund soon for the freezer money I borrowed from the grocery fund. But I will carry on until the account is fully depleted (I think we have around £120 left in it) and I intend on buying little and often anyway because my 'larder' (the old wardrobe bottom lol) has disappeared with the conservatory and I have no where to keep large amounts of food, I literally have a small chest freezer, fridge and 4 standard kitchen cupboards for absolutely everything.

On the Exidiot trying to do the right thing @KajiKita everyone I speak to that knows him thinks it is more to do with the fact that his new GF has a boy the same age as DS. When his last GF (the one who passed away) was new on the scene DP kind of ignored DS in favour of DD, why? Because that GF had a daughter almost the same age as DD. He uses the children as leverage to get his feet firmly in the door and win favour. He used to do the same with DS1 whenever we were on a break. I find it sad he uses my children in this way and it isn't any wonder DS2 has defected over to dad's side he is finally getting the attention he always craved.
@slm6002 DP is thinking perhaps the same things as you, he said this morning that it is all becoming a little too real now and his freedom is being threatened and esp with how he was talking to me yesterday, Ex sees the other side rarely as DS is always on best behaviour at his. That cannot last 24/7 when he actually lives there. 

I am doing lots of washing today, what with the rain I have barely done any so I have sheets in and towels ready to go on next and if it starts raining I will use the TD. 

My new kitchen arrives in the middle of August. I have some jobs I want signing off before then... the plastering on the outside of the chimney breast, the beam going up when it arrives, the stove in, the extractor up and lastly but certainly not least (and will be the MOST destructive job) the plumbing moving from the current kitchen to the new one. Need to lift a concrete screed to actually get to the floor boards first -ugh. Electrician I am praying gets to us before the kitchen arrives too so we can start putting cupboards in straight away. I am very excited! The current kitchen is so small, the hob doesn't work properly, sometimes 4 hobs work but usually only 2-3. The oven is an awkward corner and I am always hurting myself and we have no cupboard space to put everything. There is 12 cupboards in the kitchen which should be plenty but it is somehow not 🤔 I think it's cos most are awkward ones. I have a similar amount going into the new one but they are all properly accessible so I pray it is enough (and planning to put some shelves up as well as a display cabinet so it should be). I have had smaller kitchens than this that worked better too, I just think it's a weird shape....

Just realised I can take the new car to the shops even though DP has our car. Means I don't have to walk back with any bags Right off to get some breakfast and decide what I want to do today. 

daisy_1571

thats so interesting the different takes on exidiot.  I can see what you mean about him focusing on the two of them differently with regards to his partners.   It must be very difficult to see it from an adult point of view and try to think how best to put it to the kids (through gritted teeth im sure) so they don't get pulled between you both.  Hard enough when both parents are on same page let alone when one has to try to accommodate changing priorities with not a thing you can do to influence. 

I know you'll miss him and worry but I really hope exidiot doesn't renege on his plan to take ds at tge last minute.  It will be unbearable for you three if he did as to get rejected after getting some attention will be so hard for a teenager to deal with.  Much better he goes and makes his own mind that the grass is definitely greener at your house! 

Dxx

debtfreewannabe321

daisy_1571 said:

thats so interesting the different takes on exidiot.  I can see what you mean about him focusing on the two of them differently with regards to his partners.   It must be very difficult to see it from an adult point of view and try to think how best to put it to the kids (through gritted teeth im sure) so they don't get pulled between you both.  Hard enough when both parents are on same page let alone when one has to try to accommodate changing priorities with not a thing you can do to influence. 

I know you'll miss him and worry but I really hope exidiot doesn't renege on his plan to take ds at tge last minute.  It will be unbearable for you three if he did as to get rejected after getting some attention will be so hard for a teenager to deal with.  Much better he goes and makes his own mind that the grass is definitely greener at your house! 

Dxx

I was of the same opinion tbh. If he stays now then he will blame me for everything (well he already does 🤔 but I think it will be even worse).
So I did the shopping - the new car is such a joy to drive it's so very cute and has a soft top too and it stopped raining long enough to put it down today! I even got 6 bags of shopping in the tiny boot. 
As I got home my phone rang and it was the school. DS and EX had NOT told them of the appointment at the new school 160 miles away like I was told they had. So I told them. I was asked, do you think he will be back tomorrow as we would like to speak to him we think he's making a big mistake? No I doubt it he took half the house with him. Teacher then goes on to tell me what a bad idea it is to move him during GCSEs, I was thinking, Ummm preaching to the choir mate I agree......So he is ringing ex. To speak to him and try and talk them out of it. I suspect ex will think I have set them up to do this, which i have not. But whatever, I have released control of it and handed it to the universe. I cannot control what happens and refuse to waste energy on it. The teacher on the phone didn't need to say it but also thinks ex is a delusional idiot (or did I read that from what he said because that is what I think )
I haven't done any DIY but I have thought about it 😏👀 I want to lay the concrete base for the cooker to go on but I can't get into the garage properly as builders have tools in the way. Instead of asking them to shift it I thought, nope! I will take that as a sign to go and eat a nice lunch and just chill instead :LOL: I feel so lazy when I don't do anything though ...but I need to step out of this continual flight mode I am in. No wonder I am so shattered. Instead I have a movie on and I have eaten a healthy lunch and will make some herbal tea in a mo and relax and try to catch up on here I am so behind on everyone's diaries. 
Also need to write down all the spends on the kitchen thus far to see what is left of the budget. Good news is we only have paint, plumbing stuff and maybe a few other odd bits to pay for now for the kitchen. Biggest bits are all bought. 

KajiKita

Ah okay, I see what Ex is up to now .... <sigh ...>

I totally get the lots-of-cupboards-but-no-space thing - my kitchen is similar .... It's very frustrating. I have a couple of weeks leave coming up from next week and I think a fierce declutter and sort out in there is on the cards ...   

Your new kitchen is getting closer!  

KK

greenbee

I think that if ex tries to renege on the plan, you need to push and tell him that he can't (if the school transfer had been done you'd have a good reason). I suspect DS needs this time with his Dad so he can understand and appreciate you better.

And sympathise on the kitchen. I have a HUGE kitchen, with lots of cupboards/drawers, but very little useful space. I can't wait to get to the stage of replacing it as it drives me nuts. 

pennywisepoundstupid

Happy belated birthday to your DD, so glad she loved her car. 

Sorry things are still difficult with DS and exidiot etc, hope everything settles down for you.