Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks all. I'm still smarting from my conversation with my sister but I won't speak to DP about it. He gets too angry then I still feel defensive for her - I guess because I've defended her all her life so far 🙄 it's tricky. 

Tablet box confounded me. I thought I'd not taken the tablets and the box was empty and I was certain I hadn't taken them...omg 😆 I still got confused. I didn't take any more in case I had in fact taken them on auto pilot and wasn't paying attention. 

Anyway in other news,  my DS 2 is being moody, grumpy, rude telling me he wants to drink bulking powder to gain weight. The one his father has sent back with him clearly has 18+ and is full of sh1te. He's been to the gym last night then at 5:30 this morning. He has a problem. And his idiotic father encourages it because I don't. He's not eating all his meals I give him, when I asked him why he started an argument and said I had raised my voice so he did too. I hadn't. I really don't have the mental space for these mind games right now. Apparently my cooking is bland and disgusting. What he means is he's been to his dad's house and his dad has fed him meat every day and that's what he wants. I've told him- use your pocket money and go and buy your own. I feed him nutritionally sound meals and they taste just fine. I refuse to feel sad about this because it's a replay of ten years ago with DS1. Who has since said he loves my cooking and idiot dad over seasons. He does this because he had an addiction in his teen years and smoked heavily which basically eroded all his taste buds. He will pour half a pot of salt into his cooking. 🤦🏻‍♀️
I'm going to let it go for now and I might take my argument to the idiot providing a child with supplements meant for adults himself. DS just wants to argue and / or ignore me and hate me when back from his dad's house. It's so tiring and deflating and sad. 

For now- first proper day back at work and my friend is collecting me soon. I need to bubble up and ignore all drama today as I feel very tired after not much sleep last night (hot flushes back 😭). 

Good news is, this is on the count down to the weekend. Usually by Thursday I'm like yay the week is nearly done! 😆 Right off to start my working week (properly!) 

LadyWithAPlan

‘ And my other sister and I fell out years ago when I told her smoking drugs around her children was really not a good role model for them. They all took her side and well here we are. They all just got off a holiday together and I am the one on my own. How does this even happen huh. ..’

i think this bit you wrote says it all about the health, wisdom and safety in your old family - I think you need to think of them as never having the intelligence/wisdom to want a better bigger life - & look to find peace in that 
I chant for the happiness especially of those who wronged me - it’s annoying to do but ones find peace in one’s heart eventually 

re DS2 it’s actually much better to eat real food to bulk up - protein powders can be a useful way to get extra protein but bulking powders are not as healthy or efficient as eating more beans fibre etc .
sorry you really going through it 

I think the retreat sounds great as a place to refind /rebalance  your centre 
sending you a virtual hug from your virtual but real friend 

KajiKita

Show DS2 this:
https://youtu.be/B-Ahh_03sgU?si=tfHEuZnCPoNOjs5x

Some of it is about the ex, some of it is teen hormones, some of it is about rebellion and trying to find his own identity. It will pass. Eventually…. 😉

Could DS1 talk to DS2 about it? What kind of relationship do they have?

KK

beanielou

Sorry to read this. Teenage boys can be vile. I speak from experience. As you know it eventually gets better. 

debtfreewannabe321

Thank you @beanielou @KajiKita @LadyWithAPlan

I chant for the happiness especially of those who wronged me - it’s annoying to do but ones find peace in one’s heart eventually 
I regularly send loving kindness (mantra rather than chanting) & it does help. I just really struggle with the hurt I feel from the rejection and washing over my feelings and thoughts. 🫤

KK I will send that link to him now!
DS1 is 11 years older than DS2 so they get on but they don't have an awful lot in common (yet). 

Thanks beanie...I know that this too shall pass as it did with DS1 - eventuallllllllly. He was 21 when he finally started being nice to me and that's probably because I helped him pass his driving, pushed him to get his career started, and took him back in when he'd moved out and then fallen out with gf. He realised I wasn't in fact awful I was being a mum. Sigh a few more years to go with DS2 yet. (I wish I'd had all girls I deal with drama better than sullen sulky moody boys).

So I've booked my retreat! If friend doesn't book I've decided I will go on my own anyway. I've also seen another day one and have asked DP if he'd like to do that with me. So I may be booked on to two very soon. I need to reconnect with myself again and have some time in nature and alone and with some spiritual people (my folk) I'm feeling very disconnected with work friends and work drama (always every day here there is something kicking off). 

Right lunch is nearly over but I'm very excited and happy about that retreat I hope it's good. All GF and vegan food sold it to me 😆 I'm such a foodie for someone who only eats grass 😉😁❤️.

slm6002

Sending hugs for everything that is going on currently with you and your family.  I would say if your DS1 can talk to DS2 that might help.  Hopefully when they move in they will build a good relationship and XH will be on the very edge for them.  Does DS1 see XH any more?

debtfreewannabe321

slm6002 said:

Sending hugs for everything that is going on currently with you and your family.  I would say if your DS1 can talk to DS2 that might help.  Hopefully when they move in they will build a good relationship and XH will be on the very edge for them.  Does DS1 see XH any more?

Not really, he does so more out of obligation I think. DS1 loved it when he turned 18 as his father still thinks he is also 18 still so they had great fun for a bit, but I think DS sees through the BS of it all and that acting like you're 18 when you're nearly 50 isn't actually that cool  

debtfreewannabe321

Flipping flip, work was a tough one today. Proper full on, so many safeguarding issues, mental health issues and other stuff, as I felt there might be after a long hiatus away. Not everyone has a good family that is a safe space, nor a permanent home that feels secure. And when students come back to college and there is calm and normalcy and they don't need to be on fight/flight mode they fall apart easily. I relate and empathise. Perhaps too much and I feel drained from trying to help three particular students today with their issues. Tomorrow will be easier I think. 
I hope.

I stopped at shops on way home and bought too much chocolate. I've eaten a bar already. Feel a bit sick but thoroughly enjoyed it I have the fire on I am grateful. Grateful for my safe space at home, not everyone is as lucky (have been there myself so extra grateful), grateful for having enough money for a naughty treat when I feel like it, not everyone is as lucky there (again been there, done it, got the t shirt), grateful for my warm safe bed tonight, I know of at least one person who will be wandering streets into the early hours because that's where they feel safer , I am grateful for warmth from the fire and my jumper on the same vein and I am thankful for all the food we have. I may moan but I always remember how far I have come and I am very grateful for it all (including the journey here). Very humbling day. 
Paperwork is up to date and I can put that to bed for now..until tomorrow anyway! Deffo not a NSD. Received my new tea in the post and looking forward to trying that- marshmallow root tea!

debtfreewannabe321

I've ordered two pairs of trainers this afternoon. My pair are falling apart and I managed to get a code for 20% off. I found one pair in the sale and one pair not and both together came to only ten quid more than the one pair I currently wear! I need arch support so only buy this one brand (Skechers) so pretty happy with that. As with the tickets earlier I had done a pay in three thing and will pay off over the month for them. 

dawnybabes

As you work in a school you should be able to get a blue light card which gives you a discount off sketchers (or borrrow your daughters student union card)