Buying a little piece of Middle England; Manifesting my way to mortgage free.

LadyWithAPlan

Yes you are probably overstuffing the nori! 

Glad you had a great Easter and your ex H - argh.. I would definitely bill him half for say a legitimate expense that you don’t normally .. 

debtfreewannabe321

Good morning all, well this morning I am having a reflective morning. I spent a fair bit of yesterday evening crying and feeling genuinely distraught. I think emotions I had kept in for too long just came bubbling up. I eventually plucked up courage yesterday afternoon to message my sister, I had to re-word it several times as she does one of two things if I call her out on anything (she perceives it as calling her out when actually I was just asking a question- which was, have I done something wrong as you've not spoken to me?), she gets volatile and defensive or she deflects and changes subjects. She did the latter. And I had been really honest and bared my soul to her in a message saying how upset I had felt about our non contact and that if she felt it was due to me not messaging then I was sorry. etc etc. Anyway, she replied with a tonne of laughing faces and no don't be stupid. She had apparently been more ill than I had ( I had told her I hadn't had any energy for months and really hadn't done much aside from work and sleep so I was sorry if she had felt neglected), she ignored everything I put in my relatively lengthy message and told me about how her son had hurt himself this evening and was in the hospital (she wanted my symapthy and had successfully changed the subject). I offered sympathy and left the conversation (put the phone down). I was really quite upset and had no real answers as to why her partner ignored me in the street, why her son has ignored me when I've seen him and why she's not spoken to me. Same as my mother. Same as my father. And my other sister and I fell out years ago when I told her smoking drugs around her children was really not a good role model for them. They all took her side and well here we are. They all just got off a holiday together and I am the one on my own. How does this even happen huh. The only friend I have right now it seems are in a tiny screen in my hand. sigh.....
So I cried. AND cried. And it felt good to release it to be honest. DP was biting his tongue, I know what he thinks of my family, but I come from such a huge family (big Irish family on both sides) and I am stood here on my lonesome with no one. ANYHOW I refuse to feel sorry for myself, I kind of knew that would be the outcome and had prepared for it, still doesn't stop it hitting deep. However, I am a spiritual sort, I have done inner work where none of them have, we all suffered trauma and abuse and I am the only one who's done something constructive with it and has tried to move beyond it and "thrive" not just survive. I think we've outgrown one another. They want to discuss ailments, b1tch about people, be in a low mood and vibe and gossip. I want to discuss higher things and things that make us laugh and feel happy not sad. It's still tough.

I am ironically enough doing a "letting go" meditation class today.................. I will be doing this one alongside my student. I know what needs to be done.

So onwards, docs today. They better give me something useful this time I am about out of patience today and feeling raw, delicate and tired. Then I need to prep for the medi class and go to that and I will shop later this afternoon. I briefly debated going last night as I had a 10% off Mr L voucher but I didn't go so it's expired. 
I've been paid. Need to not spend it now for a week. After I had cried and cried last night I saw a post on FB, it was a solstice retreat. It is in the village my friend lives in, so I messaged her, and she said she'd love to go with me! So I am booking that today. If she changes her mind, I will go on my own. I need something to look forward to - it's camping though and I am not great at camping but am sure it will be fun  

Right best get going I hope to report back with a tenner spent and on some good stuff from the docs to help with hormones and hot flushes  

debtfreewannabe321

Back from Doc and she seemed baffled at other doc for prescribing me the other drug. However after going through risks of hrt I do seem to be medium risk for cancer and strokes so now I am like ummmmmmmm I don't know what to do again. I have taken the prescription though and paid for an annual hrt prescription after she told me it would be way cheaper. I have gel and tablets and will keep a diary of side effects as the headaches and migraine auras from the other one are concerning (have stroke risk in family too). So we will see..!

DD has just finished at the dentist so should be on her way back to school. DP had to take a few hours out thanks to me messing up appointments I will try to not do that again. Late breakfast for me now and then I will leave to see friend for meditation. 

kazzymac_2

Delurking to say that I was given the same drug as you initially and was swiftly taken off of it and put onto HRT.  My migraines started ramping up when I was the same sort of age as you but actually the HRT really helped reduce them once it settled down.  I hope you find something that helps, it can be a minefield x

debtfreewannabe321

Thanks Kazzymac that's good to know. I used to have awful migraines when I was younger linked to hormones I'm sure as always worse at certain times in the month. But for the last few years I don't seem to have had barely any *touches wood furiously* 🫠😆 until I started those tablets. 

I will start them tonight.

I bought a tablet box that old people like my mum have so I don't forget if I've taken the tablets or not. Then I realised I was that old person now. 💡🤔🤣
I've put a weeks worth of supplements into them as per my gut healing plan I'm on. So far foods I've added that seem to be helpful are overnight oats (although I do not really like them), things like rice crackers with some hummus and sliced cucumbers on rather than a packet of crisps. I'm also trying to eat less salt too. I'm feeling better already one week into the 'diet' - not really a diet it's more to fix internal gut/ immune rather than lose weight although that would be a lovely side effect. The slippery elm bark and new probiotic seem to be very good too. I added one in at a time and those had instant effects on energy. I also have some mushroom supplements just turned up. Will add some of those in too. Some supplements I am only doing 2x a week others 2x a day. Hence why I got the tablet box so I know I've had the amount I need and no more over the whole week. 

It's beautiful outside so I think I'll spend a couple of hours in the garden. I did the shopping £88! No doubt I forgot something for that price 🤣. The meditation class went well however I've noticed she doesn't really want to spend the time meditating, she instead picks my brain about healing and spiritual stuff. She seemed happy enough to do this when I pointed it out and she said, oh I don't care about meditation I will do that in my own time I want your spiritual counsel 🤣. Ah well. We pulled an angel card and it said - focus. 🤣

Right off to get some grounding in the garden and do some bits. The greenhouse is due end of the first week of May 😁 eek! So I need to get that base done before then (I say I but I am supervising DP as he does it 🤣🫣). 

ladybird1106

We have also had to resort to having tablet boxes here. 

Love 🐞

beanielou

I have tablet boxes too! One for morning & one for night. I am auld. 

KajiKita

Huge, huge hugs for the end of the line breakdown about your family. I have been there too and it HURTS. Existentially. For a bit you can’t even see how to go forward…
But this will pass. 

You will start to see your family in a different way. They will become just people that you happen to know, not people that you have or expect to have any special connection to ….. It gets easier, I promise. 

I really hope that the new meds help you. 

Go back and bang hard on the door if they don’t! At least you seem to have found a more helpful GP - hang into her …! 😉

You must be so excited for your greenhouse … 😊❤️🤩

KK

dawnybabes

I’ve tablet boxes both downstairs and upstairs 🤣🤣🤣

Watty1

Another one with the old lady pill boxes.

Big hugs for family stuff. It is hard. And it hurts.  And it sucks.