Feeling torn about family trip

newparent77

Hi all - sorry for not coming back to this one sooner, life got in the way! Thank you to everyone who has posted, it's been really interesting and I think the split of opinion shows this isn't an easy one.

Things have developed. I ended up speaking to my brother - as we have my kids and his kid it was hard lining up school holidays (they have different half terms a lot this year) so he said he was just planning on going on his own with mum and dad and thought I should too.

The problem of annual leave remained - accounting for trips already booked, needing time off for childcare at half term, time off at Christmas etc I have like two days left, not accounting for any 'emergencies' that might come up through the year. I have looked at maximising time off, thank you to those who suggested that, much appreciated!

I looked at just going overnight at the weekend again. If I travelled alone the cost was still around £250-275 to get there and for accommodation and again (with spending there extra), the issue of it not actually working out as much time there was still relevant. I know it's not a huge amount of money but spending my family's money on a weekend just for myself also didn't quite sit right - not that my wife would resent it per se, it's more managing our money, particularly as we've had a £300 bill in the last week or so for some work on the house so things mount up.

I didn't want to shut the whole thing down though so did discuss with mum and dad and explained again. To be fair, they offered to pay towards the costs, but they are both pensioners and need to watch their money too so that didn't sit right either (notice a theme here?!).

I asked/suggested again getting the relatives over here to the UK so we could all meet up - I'm still unsure if this is on the cards at all which I'll admit is frustrating as it does ramp up the pressure on this trip a little. I also reiterated how many other things we can do together as a family above and beyond this trip.

The upshot is, I've declined the trip and my parents will likely go with my brother (with his wife and child attending TBC). I feel like reading everything back this probably makes me seem selfish so I completely appreciate those who think that. Things are fine with mum and dad, I know they'd prefer another outcome but hopefully it hasn't driven a permanent wedge between us or anything!

Stateofart

All sorted then.  But now you've got even more pressure to go next year!

_Penny_Dreadful

newparent77 said:

I didn't want to shut the whole thing down though so did discuss with mum and dad and explained again. To be fair, they offered to pay towards the costs, but they are both pensioners and need to watch their money too so that didn't sit right either (notice a theme here?!).

Surely it's up to your parents to decide if they afford to pay for you to go.  Whatever barrier is removed it seems that you really don't want to go on this trip, which is absolutely your choice, so that is the end of it.  Thanks for the update.

ShinyStarlight1

newparent77 said:

The upshot is, I've declined the trip and my parents will likely go with my brother (with his wife and child attending TBC). I feel like reading everything back this probably makes me seem selfish so I completely appreciate those who think that. Things are fine with mum and dad, I know they'd prefer another outcome but hopefully it hasn't driven a permanent wedge between us or anything!

I think you’ve done the right thing. 

It’s a very discomforting feeling to disappoint your parents, no matter how old you are.
But if we have developed healthily into autonomous adults, it is inevitable that we will disappoint them because we won’t always want the same things. 

Feelings of disappointment and of discomfort are just part of the human experience, and at the easier end of the spectrum.

Lavendyr

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

What an awful lot of assumptions you are making. I've read the whole thread and you clearly have a strong opinion. It's of course fine to share your views, but making uninformed judgements such as "obviously not short of a bob or two" is not helpful. People have these things called budgets, you see, which allow them to plan for their holiday expenditure and then to commit to it by booking those holidays. That doesn't mean that said people have a spare few hundred quid to throw around.