Feeling torn about family trip

LightFlare

Surely the issue isn’t about Grandparents wanting to see their children and grandchildren though.

Its about the Grandparents wanting to “drag” their children and grandchild abroad to meet some long,lost,newly found relatives (who the children and grandchildren probably don’t give 2 hoots about meeting)

Must admit, if my mum suddenly announced that she had found some long lost relative that we hadn’t known about or had contact with for 60 years and wanted me to take my family abroad to meet them - I wouldn’t be doing that

_Penny_Dreadful

LightFlare said:

Must admit, if my mum suddenly announced that she had found some long lost relative that we hadn’t known about or had contact with for 60 years and wanted me to take my family abroad to meet them - I wouldn’t be doing that

The mother hasn’t just met these relatives though. She seems to have made contact years ago and had a few trips out since then. This year’s trip looks to be the last one though due to the failing health of both mother and father. 

_Penny_Dreadful

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

A limited amount of annual leave and a couple of weans at home. 

A limited amount of annual leave is one reason for being reluctant to make the trip. 

If that is the reason for a mini break then it also applies for the proposed trip.

The OP said he has a limited number of days left not that he has no annual leave left at all. Posters have suggested ways to maximise his annual leave to make the trip viable but if he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go. 

LightFlare

_Penny_Dreadful said:

LightFlare said:

Must admit, if my mum suddenly announced that she had found some long lost relative that we hadn’t known about or had contact with for 60 years and wanted me to take my family abroad to meet them - I wouldn’t be doing that

The mother hasn’t just met these relatives though. She seems to have made contact years ago and had a few trips out since then. This year’s trip looks to be the last one though due to the failing health of both mother and father. 

I think this is a "legacy" thing -- mum wants the kids to have some family left when mum and dad pass -- what she doesnt realise/appreciate is that the children already have family 

It seems a bit one sided 3 whole families heading abroad to meet these relatives when it would or might be easier for them to travel to England.

It would be interesting to see this from the Dutch families perspective.

I would say there's a fair chance that they also couldn't really care but don't know how to (or wont) say no to pushy mum.  That's how I am reading it anyway

The chances of them staying in contact once mum and dad pass are probably zero

sheramber

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

A limited amount of annual leave and a couple of weans at home. 

A limited amount of annual leave is one reason for being reluctant to make the trip. 

If that is the reason for a mini break then it also applies for the proposed trip.

The OP said he has a limited number of days left not that he has no annual leave left at all. Posters have suggested ways to maximise his annual leave to make the trip viable but if he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go. 

Domyou know he hasnlt used these ways already?

Odd dsys are needed to cover a child  being off school when sick , or schools going on strike. 

Thee distant cousins of the mother are even more distant  relation to the OP and  they have not made any attmept to contact or visit.  

BungalowBel

Sea_Shell said:

sheramber said:

BungalowBel said:

My own gut feelings :

This trip (with all of you there) means a lot to your parents.  They want to make the memory while your dad can still appreciate it.

Just do it, out of love.  Chose a long weekend like someone has suggested and then you won't need to use your annual leave.

Sometimes life isn't about 'rights' and 'fairness'.  Sometimes it is just about do it because it means so much to this person you love.

(NB: I am a similar age to your parents).

I am also  in the parents age range and I would not ecpect my family to cancel arrangements or put pressure on them to do something to suit me.

Remember the OP also has a partner/ family  to consider in this.

Parents shouldn't be putting "pressure" on their adult children to do (or not) do stuff, just to suit them.

I didn't mean the parents should put pressure on, they shouldn't.  But I think the OP should just do it out of love for his parents.  They won't be going again, so let them enjoy this last time.

Spendless

Having gone back and read the OP, part of the issue is not wishing to spend the amount on a w/end trip that is able to  be fitted in. I think if it was me in that position of the parents I would therefore be offering to pay for son and family to go, either 100% or at least the  lion's share. 

MeteredOut

newparent77 said:

<snip>

I've explained this to my parents, and said I'd prefer to spend the money on other things - taking them out for a really nice meal for their anniversary for example. But my parents, mum in particular, see this as me prioritising my own things (and those with my wife and kids) over what they hold as important. 

<snip>

It sounds like your mum is wanting to prioritise your spending for you. Have you pointed that out? If it's that important to her, has she suggested she pay for the trip?

willdc1

You'd be doing it for your parents (well, your Mum really as she's getting all sentimental in old age about opportunities / doors closing). But it's their choice to see the relatives in Holland, as they have been doing on a number of occasions. 
It seems daft for you and your family to go there if you have no intention of seeing them ever again (if they don't come to the UK). 
I have relatives abroad who I don't see as I don't have a relationship with them. But my Mum does. 
So personally, I wouldn't go. My priority would be seeing my parents and spending time and money on my spouse and kids, not some long lost relatives who I'd never see. 
Don't let the guilt get to you. Your time and resources are finite. Saying 'no' is hard sometimes, but your parents should appreciate your priorities are to your family.  

_Penny_Dreadful

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

A limited amount of annual leave and a couple of weans at home. 

A limited amount of annual leave is one reason for being reluctant to make the trip. 

If that is the reason for a mini break then it also applies for the proposed trip.

The OP said he has a limited number of days left not that he has no annual leave left at all. Posters have suggested ways to maximise his annual leave to make the trip viable but if he doesn’t want to go he doesn’t want to go. 

Domyou know he hasnlt used these ways already?

Odd dsys are needed to cover a child  being off school when sick , or schools going on strike. 

Thee distant cousins of the mother are even more distant  relation to the OP and  they have not made any attmept to contact or visit.  

I have no more idea about if the OP has maximised his annual leave than you do. 

This trip isn’t really about the distant relatives but one last hoorah for his parents due to their failing health. If he doesn’t want to do it then that’s fine. If I were in the same situation I most likely would go for my mum.