Feeling torn about family trip

_Penny_Dreadful

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

sheramber

Savvy_Sue said:

Do your children get on with their cousin? That would be one reason for me to want to do it. My boys have two sets of cousins: we saw so little of one set that they tend to forget their existence.

Idon't think they have ever met.

sheramber

BungalowBel said:

My own gut feelings :

This trip (with all of you there) means a lot to your parents.  They want to make the memory while your dad can still appreciate it.

Just do it, out of love.  Chose a long weekend like someone has suggested and then you won't need to use your annual leave.

Sometimes life isn't about 'rights' and 'fairness'.  Sometimes it is just about do it because it means so much to this person you love.

(NB: I am a similar age to your parents).

I am also  in the parents age range and I would not ecpect my family to cancel arrangements or put pressure on them to do something to suit me.

Remember the OP also has a partner/ family  to consider in this.

sheramber

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

Sea_Shell

sheramber said:

BungalowBel said:

My own gut feelings :

This trip (with all of you there) means a lot to your parents.  They want to make the memory while your dad can still appreciate it.

Just do it, out of love.  Chose a long weekend like someone has suggested and then you won't need to use your annual leave.

Sometimes life isn't about 'rights' and 'fairness'.  Sometimes it is just about do it because it means so much to this person you love.

(NB: I am a similar age to your parents).

I am also  in the parents age range and I would not ecpect my family to cancel arrangements or put pressure on them to do something to suit me.

Remember the OP also has a partner/ family  to consider in this.

Parents shouldn't be putting "pressure" on their adult children to do (or not) do stuff, just to suit them.

Mojisola

_Penny_Dreadful said:

Sometimes we just do things, that we might not particularly enjoy, because the ones we love do enjoy them. Do I want to listen to Taylor Swift, not particularly, do I relish going to a multiplex cinema, nope but I go along with it because the people I love do enjoy those things. 

I’m pretty sure my OH doesn’t enjoy the ballet but that didn’t stop him buying us tickets and going with me because he knows I like it. 

Why not go to the things you enjoy with people who also enjoy them?

As others have said, as a parent, I wouldn't put this kind of pressure on one of our kids - their priority should be with their partners and children and they shouldn't have to change their plans just to fit in with something I would like to happen.

_Penny_Dreadful

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

A limited amount of annual leave and a couple of weans at home. 

_Penny_Dreadful

Mojisola said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

Sometimes we just do things, that we might not particularly enjoy, because the ones we love do enjoy them. Do I want to listen to Taylor Swift, not particularly, do I relish going to a multiplex cinema, nope but I go along with it because the people I love do enjoy those things. 

I’m pretty sure my OH doesn’t enjoy the ballet but that didn’t stop him buying us tickets and going with me because he knows I like it. 

Why not go to the things you enjoy with people who also enjoy them?

As others have said, as a parent, I wouldn't put this kind of pressure on one of our kids - their priority should be with their partners and children and they shouldn't have to change their plans just to fit in with something I would like to happen.

I didn’t say that I never do things with people who also enjoy them. 

sheramber

_Penny_Dreadful said:

sheramber said:

_Penny_Dreadful said:

If you’re taking a summer holiday during peak time and are having two mini breaks for birthdays you’re obviously not short of a bob or two. With your parents’ failing health and this being their last hoorah to the Netherlands if I were in your shoes I would probably go. 

Really?

They may have srimped and saved to have these breaks.

Note , they are hiving mini breaks, not a week's holiday. If they were 'not short  =f a bob or two' why would they restrict it to a mini break?

A limited amount of annual leave and a couple of weans at home. 

A limited amount of annual leave is one reason for being reluctant to make the trip. 

If that is the reason for a mini break then it also applies for the proposed trip.

Savvy_Sue

Sea_Shell said:

Savvy_Sue said:

If you're looking at trains, bear in mind Eurostar may not be an option after June as they are re-modelling Amsterdam Central station.

Does the trip have to be at a particular time? Can you work some of your other plans for summer holiday / special birthdays in alongside it?

Do your children get on with their cousin? That would be one reason for me to want to do it. My boys have two sets of cousins: we saw so little of one set that they tend to forget their existence.

And finally, before my parents died, we'd always try to go out for lunch near birthdays etc. It was a logistical nightmare, not helped by siblings ignoring emails etc. And one of them once said "I don't really enjoy these occasions" (reasons followed). I explained as politely as I could that NONE of us necessarily enjoyed these outings, but we weren't doing it for our own benefit, IT WAS FOR MUM. 

I'd also add that The Netherlands is an excellent holiday destination. We haven't personally taken children, but I know those who have, and really enjoyed themselves.

An observation.    Why is it that we feel that we have to relegate our own feelings and sometimes our mental health, to make family feel better.   Who then makes us feel better?   Do we not count?

Would anyone want their own children to do things that they really didn't want to, that upset them, or caused them anxiety or distress?    Is it not a 2 way street?

Of course we count, and of course our children count. And there are situations - abusive parents, for example - where cutting contact is the right and proper thing to do. 

But when your parents are aging, and they want to see their children (especially the 'golden child' who was the one complaining!) and occasionally grandchildren, then I think it's at least sometimes right to grit your teeth and get on with it, heaving a huge sigh of relief once you're home.