Freedom and Independence.

dawnybabes

Fantastic news xx 

BudgetingBelinda

Thanks so much!
what a lovely lot of support 🤩🎉
It’s been really helpful being on here 💪🏼 realllly helpful and I’m so grateful for everyone’s advice, encouragement and support.

So yesterday, to celebrate, I treated myself to a couple more self care things that I’ve been dreaming about and because the car garage bill was in my favour I added to basket and checked out. 

I am having more chilled time, still getting rid of the lurgey a week on! No major plans. Grocery shop coming tomorrow, above budget there again. Sigh. But I could have come in cheaper, I just am too tired from lurgey, to nip to budget supermarket. Still work to do there, have not nailed grocery budget this year.

Xmas fund is on the agenda next, a bit late perhaps 🤔 only really buy big for DS’s and then little gifts for a couple of others. No longer go wild with gifts or food shop. Debating what to have for xmas dinner. We don’t do turkey anymore, roast chicken with extra yummy bits usually. I fancy a nice bit of meat etc from the farm shop, some nice bread and cheese. 

I avoided a takeaway last night, contemplated it as a celebration but then got my self care purchase instead. Think today is a NSD. Ow how exciting! Seems apt after paying off DMP!

in_need_of_direction

Brilliant news on the dmp

BudgetingBelinda

So yesterday was not a NSD.. I have been on an online shopping spree. 

I don’t feel too bad about it! I think the budget allows! I haven’t had a new coat in 3 years and both my fluffy coat and (not so) waterproof coat are so tatty. My boots were 3-5 years old and had holes in the soles so they went in the decluttering so I brought myself some new boots, likely they won’t fit though as I have wide feet so I might have to send them back. I also got a new fluffy coat and a waterproof one. And a couple of cheap t shirts. Boots were from a good brand so I hope they do fit and are comfortable, they look really nice and they’ll be great for work. Clothes and coats from a budget brand. 

Anyway it feels weird to be able to buy stuff, especially for myself. I buy stuff for the boys often! But there is no denying I needed it. Definitely feeling like a shift has happened. I almost feel more worth it. ‘Cos you’re worth it?’ 🤪😆😂 but no, I think there really has been a shift where I feel ok about prioritising what I need (not above the DS’s) and not feeling guilty about it.
I had a memory from when I demanded my house key back from ex aubergine, quite a while after he moved out. I’d let him keep it as he’d lived here and could then pop in and see the kids etc whenever, just didn’t occur to me to have it back, (I own my house outright). Then one of the times he was late paying for the DS’s he said I obviously didn’t need the money anyway as I had amazon boxes in the hallway. They were from my subscriptions to household things mainly that I had at that time, which I explained. Then I thought… what the ! Why am I explaining still what I’ve brought, with my money, in my house. I took my key back and told him to pay for his sons. But that was a big shiny wake up. And that mentality and toxic behaviour happened all the time, guilted or punished or sabotaged when I got anything for me, with my own money! That mindset has taken ages to shake off. 

I am going to enjoy my spare money, save my spare money and find a nice balance where I can have things and feel secure too. I am looking forward to a fresh new start now and thinking about 2025 and what I want to achieve. 

Sarahwithlove

Good for you treating yourself. Sounds like it was items you needed anyway. 

Your ex needs to do one, seriously it doesn't matter how much money you have or how you spend it. He should be paying his way for his children. 

BudgetingBelinda

Sarahwithlove said:

Good for you treating yourself. Sounds like it was items you needed anyway. 

Your ex needs to do one, seriously it doesn't matter how much money you have or how you spend it. He should be paying his way for his children. 

Thank you, I agree! And yes things I’ve put off buying for ages as I just made do with the DMP end taking priority. And a few nice skincare bits and pieces that are already making me feel very self cared for! There’s so many bits of me that I had to leave behind and it happened so slowly that I didn’t realise. Now I’m going to get my me back! Thanks so much for your support:) x

BudgetingBelinda

A busy heavy work day. I’ve been weighing up hours/life balance/bank balance and I’m being quite thoughtful about it all! Part of me has had the audacity to think about the possibly of cutting down a half day at work, but I think that will be tricky as there is a lot on and very needed in my department. I also love my job. However I am quite aware of my limits at the moment I think. I’ve switched a little from thinking ‘how I can do more?’ to being ok with where I am and working towards doing less hours perhaps.

There are other opportunities externally, private work perhaps and just things for me that I think would make the work/life balance work well. A lot depends on SEND education things with DS2 and what is in the pipeline there. I think with the DMP done it’s just eased the pressure and opened more possibilities that I can think about. I got a settlement confirmation letter today from PayPlan saying it’s all done, so hopefully it is and all creditors are now put to bed! Will check credit reports next month and hopefully see it all updated.

A half day Tues tomorrow at work, as usual and then a little potentially exciting, moving in the right direction type visit in the afternoon. Nothing I am able to admit to myself yet, much less put in writing… but a great nod to the future and the balance mentioned above which I am striving for as we head to the new year! Mysterious I know! Also to keep it real I was all out of whack this weekend and didn’t get fuel as usual so am running on fumes and may just brake down on the way to the avo visit! 🤔😆 must remember to get fuel tomorrow! 

debtfreewannabe321

How lovely that you can think about work/ life balance now rather than being so Uber focused on paying off the debt. Although it might be a good idea to get your EF up as quick as possible if you do want to cut hours down as a nice cushion should anything in the house go wrong etc.

BudgetingBelinda

debtfreewannabe321 said:

How lovely that you can think about work/ life balance now rather than being so Uber focused on paying off the debt. Although it might be a good idea to get your EF up as quick as possible if you do want to cut hours down as a nice cushion should anything in the house go wrong etc.

Absolutely EF needs some work! I hear you! I do have a separate account for house issues that gets £100pm into it and has a large buffer. I need a new bathroom really so I will be adding to another pot for that next year. 

No major plans to cut hours anytime soon, just had the thought occur… Which was nice! Financially it would almost balance out I think with childcare costs etc. But I do enjoy my job so it’s not a pressing issue. I just liked the thought of having the option now available. I am mortgage free so I’m feeling a bit semi retired vibes 😂, just joking, EF not quite ready for that 🤪🤔😆… but I do want to enjoy life now and think about that balance. I think I need a year of the current situation to settle into and build all the funds I need to be comfortable to make decisions about work. I also have put in a request for more CPD/further studies and if that is not successful I would like to push on independently in a year or so and do some private work to fund it and broaden my experience. 

I do want to enjoy this time though & just feel content in where I am before any big shifts. I’ve been pushing on for so long with SEND DS -constant challenges with the system, ex extraction, completing postgraduate studies, I just want to ‘be’ for a while.

Went to see a horse this afternoon! Just to ride for a friend. I had a horse pre kids and ex aubergine and it was a beautiful time in my life that filled my cup. I am now getting to reclaim my identity and part of that may involve a little bit of riding again. Really happy to be dipping my toe in there. I am going to think of this as a kind of gap year, but probably less fun and with scheduled payments to savings etc pots! 

Sarahwithlove

Good for you just keep taking steps to get you back. 

It's hard making the decision to cut back at work but you have to do what's best for you and if that means cutting back then do so