Watty's Awakening

Humdinger1

@Watty1 would it be possible to ask what your course is about? If I have relevant experience I'd be interested in exploring a subscription. Realise that you may not want your group here and the outside world to overlap but it sounds so impressive.  No change there then! Love Humdinger xx 

PennysIntoPounds

Glad you had a lovely time at so-called book group 😁
Really good that you're recognising triggers even though things feel overwhelming, that shows how far you've come from the past situation. Is there a nice thing you can do to support VNM like arranging a treat evening in after he's had a day dealing with his mother? That way you're contributing without getting involved.. I'm sorry it's being a stressy situation. Hopefully once the course is live you'll feel you have a bit more breathing space. That's a brilliant thing to have achieved, don't forget to feel excited and proud too!

ajmoney

Watty1 said:

The course is not yet for sale but that is because I underestimated the input my PA would need and so hadn't allocated time for that.  My new goal is to provide her with what she needs and then get that up by Friday now.

Up early today as so busy re work plus Charming Cob recovery is taking time too.  Was book club last night and so a late night.   Only one of us had read the book but it was still a lovely evening just chatting and a nice escape from my world for a bit.   Nothing wrong in my world but it seems a bit overwhelming just now.   Work, a recovering horse and WattyDog not getting his full quota of exercise plus the VNM mother is really struggling and I feel myself being pulled into that swirl which is making me grumpy.  Shades of the ex's father being ill and I am aware that is the real problem, that I am being triggered by remembering how his father's illness and subsequent death was the trigger for all the abuse that followed.

You have recognised this, even if it might not feel it, look how far you have come. Breathe and take the time you need to process things, you are worth it x

KajiKita

Sending hugs for the triggering. As others have said, well done for recognising it. Would counselling be of help at this time for this? There’s something about the way you are writing about that is making it sound to me like it is a bit … I dunno … scary, overwhelming, intimidating for you? 

KK x

Watty1

KajiKita said:

Sending hugs for the triggering. As others have said, well done for recognising it. Would counselling be of help at this time for this? There’s something about the way you are writing about that is making it sound to me like it is a bit … I dunno … scary, overwhelming, intimidating for you? 

KK x

It is all of those things.  As a first step I had a discussion with the VNM about this just to put a marker down that my reactions are not normal, I am aware and I will get help for me.

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 would it be possible to ask what your course is about? If I have relevant experience I'd be interested in exploring a subscription. Realise that you may not want your group here and the outside world to overlap but it sounds so impressive.  No change there then! Love Humdinger xx 

I will send you a PM.  I will out myself with ease if I put what my course is about on here as my work world is very small     

Slightly related i think it is interesting the outside world and this place overlapping.   I think some of you on here know me better than the outside world. I don't mean you know that my attempts to "save" have meant I have just over £1000 in the bank and the details of my pension pot and so on but I have noticed you all here have called me out on things pointed out the obvious when I have missed it, made sensible and very real practical suggestions about what have been major life traumas whereas in the outside world a lot of that is dealt with in a different way, people are nice to me placate me and tell me it will all get better and move on whereas here so many of you have supported me like that whilst also giving me a quick reality check so often missing outside.

There is in my mind no doubt this forum has been great not only for MSE but also for my sanity and mental health.

badmemory

I think when we interact in the real world we tend to "shield".  So people often don't really know what is going on with us.  Whereas on here we can't see the "look at me I am smiling everything is alright".  Also in real life you can't duck people that have upset you whereas on here you can if you feel the need.  I know I am more like the real me on here, so blunt/abrupt, whereas in real life I tend to keep my mouth shut because some people don't like it.

beanielou

I have said for years that people on MSE know more about me than some of my closest friends in real life. I can share my experiences & struggles in a way I just can’t in real life. 

daisy_1571

when talking, I think its known it can sometimes be easier going a walk with someone rather than sitting opposite.   Its just a bit easier when shoulder to shoulder than looking directly at each other.   Maybe this is the online equivalent of that ?

Plus its easy to fool ourselves if we want to believe the best in people.   Occasionally we have backed up that little gut feeling that you knew was there trying to be heard but habit, good manners, loss of confidence in yourself etc has all taught you to overlook.  You've done this yourself, you've done the hard work getting him out, keeping him out and getting yourself back towards the watty that you used to be   

Daisy xxxx

Watty1

Really good points about the difference, I think here less is hidden, there is no need to "smile" for the friends even when actually I feel very broken and yes, I have really tried to think the best particularly where my ex is concerned. I notice I still do.  I think it is my brains way of protecting itself. I try really hard when I find myself thinking kindly to remind myself of some of the brutal truths of what really happened.