Watty's Awakening

Watty1

Thank you @Chrystal     Was pleased by the news that the general election might not be until late this year, just because it gives the legislation I need a chance to go through in Spring.   Until then my focus is on clearing debt.

I have emailed the accountant. There is only one year we can potentially claim for as the rest are now "too old" to be addressed.  It has asked me to think about it carefully because there will be repercussions for the ex and whilst he accepts I don't care about that he wants me to think about the repercussions for me personally as he is sure there will be some.   It sort of fits with Daisy's comments on here about maybe I just want to draw a line and not have the emotional stress.   I'm undecided and have emailed some more questions about the evidence we need as a lot of it seems to hinge on the settlement issue rather than the fact i was just dippy and trusted ex.

Decluttering 4/365 two old planners from office. I had kept them in case I needed notes for case with ex so they were a joy to send away and 5/365 a pile of sticks from outside the front door. These have come in for the woodburner. They were sticks WattyDog used to bring home with the ex after walks.  I thought it was cute but WattyDog does not bring sticks home with me, instead we leave them somewhere to find next time.   WattyDog has no interest in a stick he has dragged home (some are more logs than sticks) but he loves finding one we hide, even if has been a few weeks since we have done that walk.    There are enough there to fill the stove for an evening although they are very wet

Now they have gone I will drag the garden waste to the front of the house and start clearing the weeds growing up between the large shingle parking lot and the front wall.   That might help the place look less derelict from the front. 

Four_Seasons

Perhaps as you are not sure what to do about the tax you could leave it for karma to solve the issue for you 😉 x

badmemory

My thinking on the tax thing & I appreciate that we all think about these things differently.  So my twopennyworth.  How much are we talking for one thing?  How aggravating could the ex be for a second thing.  He sounds like he feels very entitled & could be a serious pain in the proverbial.  How much tax saving would make that worthwhile.  If ever he is a pain in the future you could always tell him that you have saved him that much money by not claiming.  It does sound as though your accountant has your back, but cannot say to you don't bother it isn't worth it because he is a professional.

LadyWithAPlan

Chrystal said:

Really pleased that you're getting your accountant to look into the tax situation re Ex, and if justice/Karna is done he will be 'hoist on his own petard' - he can't be allowed to get away with having it both ways!

This )))   There will not be any aggro for you - will just be the hmrc could choose to go after him, they wont contact you and if he does you can just say what was said above . You dont get it both ways.  

Humdinger1

@Watty1 I hope it's OK if I paste in an entry from my diary below 

Humdinger1 said:

Happy New Year everyone! It's been a bit of a roller-coaster here.  DD has been ill and -mercifully- an MRI scan has ruled out a mass on her brain which one junior doc mentioned as a possibility, her ears/balance are still under investigation.  She has an appointment in a week or so with a consultant to talk through the diagnosis.   She has decided to restart Year 2 of uni in September 24 and we are in the thick of sorting that out.  She has said that she doesn't want to drop out, transfer elsewhere or do a different course (acting degree) but does want to move year as it has been a toxic experience with people in her current year and has numerous friends in the year below.  I'm so relieved about her diagnosis so far but am anxious about what comes next.  She has accommodation set up for the next academic year.  Her happiness and health come first and we've had a couple of conversations already about this being an opportunity for a structured reset, not a dropping out and retreating to teenage behaviour.  I think it's going to take time for me to process and there will be times of anxiety along the way.  Thanks to everyone reading love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

@Humdinger1  Your daughter is lucky to have you.  Yes, she is facing health issues and thank goodness the mass has been ruled out.  Once she has her diagnosis then she can move forwards, absolutely thinking of her and you and sending good wishes.

As for the structured reset approach, I cannot express how much I love this. You are helping her understand how to reframe a negative, set a boundary and work towards being healthy and happy.  There is no greater gift in life.    Awesome xx

Watty1

More on the tax:  The refund is in the region of £820 and we must file for it before the end of this tax year.  I know (like all accountants he will be super busy until the end of January) but I've emailed him some questions and will follow up mid February.  He felt that it would hinge on my explanation of how/why I paid his share of the tax and covert control might not be accepted nor might simply being taken for a ride by an ex.   So we will revisit this in February.   Reclaiming will be nothing for me to do except sign the form and pay him to fill it in but there is an emotional and mental component that I am keen to park.  I'm not over the trauma and I really had wanted to draw a line under it as the year turned so I may yet leave it.    I am still adjusting to the reality of the way things ended to the view I had of the relationship, I still struggle with that even though I have a whole new life.     I  may yet just leave it all in the past.  As I say, have made a note in my planner to look at this again in February when accountant will not be busy answering emails and dealing with late tax returns.

MerryHen

Just catching up. 

Great news on the PayPal find, and yay to VNM on his straightforward approach to solving a problem 😁

Parking the tax issue until February sounds like a good plan. It sounds like you're ready to draw a line under it all, a bit of time not directly focusing on it might help bring clairty about what's the best choice for you.

MFWannabe

Watty1 said:

More on the tax:  The refund is in the region of £820 and we must file for it before the end of this tax year.  I know (like all accountants he will be super busy until the end of January) but I've emailed him some questions and will follow up mid February.  He felt that it would hinge on my explanation of how/why I paid his share of the tax and covert control might not be accepted nor might simply being taken for a ride by an ex.   So we will revisit this in February.   Reclaiming will be nothing for me to do except sign the form and pay him to fill it in but there is an emotional and mental component that I am keen to park.  I'm not over the trauma and I really had wanted to draw a line under it as the year turned so I may yet leave it.    I am still adjusting to the reality of the way things ended to the view I had of the relationship, I still struggle with that even though I have a whole new life.     I  may yet just leave it all in the past.  As I say, have made a note in my planner to look at this again in February when accountant will not be busy answering emails and dealing with late tax returns.

Personally if it were me (having been in a similar controlling relationship many years ago) I would draw a line under it and move on 
I think this is much healthier for you and you don’t want to initiate any more contact from the ex. Draw a line and move on with your new wonderful life x 
You did have the PayPal find which kind of makes up for it? 

Ramouth

I have been listening to a lot of Ramit Sethi’s podcast «i will teach you to be rich» and have been particularly struck by the concept of the point of money being to live your rich life.  Once you are covering the essentials, you can choose to use money to effectively buy back time by employing others to do things you don’t enjoy.  In my mind, I have reversed this to apply it to not doing extra things I dislike to make or save money that I don’t essentially need.  In this instance I would be thinking whether £820 was worth the hours you would spend stressing about it?  Would you rather spend that time working on you business with a clear mind?