Watty's Awakening

KajiKita

I agree with Daisy’s suggestion of reframing and i would also look at what else I could do this weekend that would bring you joy and pleasure (no chores this weekend, please! 😉) as after all, you know ex will be at the show, so you can go anywhere else knowing you will be completely free of him! 😉 How about a trip to the sea for some fresh air, light, big skies and a paddle? 😊

There’s always next year too ❤️

Hugs 

KK x

daisy_1571

I've copied below a post from end August last year on your last diary.  At that point you were also feeling a bit swamped and had so much to do you didn't know what to do, tradesmen not getting back etc plus your friend had had a big car accident. 

Its only to help show that although you are abit overwhelmed again, you are actually so much further on.  House now feeling better and can be used for you to retreat back into  a year ago it was the source of your troubles and you couldn't even think about the garden.  I'm explaining it badly, I was just thinking you might feeling you've been overwhelmed for a long time and think you are no further forward.   Just trying to show however far you've come.  Before I would describe it as a tiny circle around you, everything outside that was overwhelming.?  Now tge area inside tge circle is much larger, everything there is fine and safe and secure, the outside pain in the neck stuff is now much further out.

Hope that makes sense and re reading the below helps.



Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.  I think it finally dawned on me that it is me that keeps this ship afloat and with three horses a large dog and a cat it is quite a ship.  Also the extent of the work on the house seems overwhelming as it hasn't been touched in 5 years, and is old and a lot needs doing.  The fences all need repair, there is a water leak in the field, the garden is over run with weeds despite my efforts and everywhere I look there seems to be a major job that needs doing.  The plasterer that was supposed to finish off the new windows has not shown up and the carpenter for the stairs repairs has stopped answering messages so I suppose he doesn't want the job and the en-suite has developed a smell reminiscent of an unsavoury overseas unsanitary holiday destination.  Not to mention the mould in the shower.  Both TV's have stopped working as have the Fire Sticks...... the list goes on. It seems overwhelming and with winter approaching I am aware I have no wood or coal and the front door has so many holes the wind will whistle through again.

Wattydog has eaten a red plastic shoe and is now throwing up bits of dog toy and I'm beginning to think the pain in my breast is actually something more than a pulled muscle.  Went to the doctors yesterday for a blood test but unable to get an appointment to see an actual doctor for ages - however - I am apparently overdue for a "wellness" check so booked one of those for Thursday.  Maybe I can discuss pains and constant headaches there.    Also found out the reason that they are only prescribing my meds in amounts of 6 days at a time is because I am overdue a "medication review". I never knew such things existed but apparently i have to have one with a pharmacist so that has been booked in as well.  

Anyway utterly overwhelmed but trying to look for something bright and the house is at least clean thanks to the lovely cleaner.    After she blitzed the house I decided to keep her on.    Frugal me says I could clean, but aware my mental health is struggling I think having someone do it for me is as beneficial as the counselling.  

Now off to make a cup of tea and begin work.


Take care daisy xxxx

PennysIntoPounds

Agree with others, he hasn't got the power to 'take it from you', you've assessed reality and decided you don't fancy it this year. Sometimes life is a bit sh*tter due to other people's behaviour and that is a shame but such is life and you have plenty of other lovely and/or productive things you can do with your time instead to help you along the healing/being even more brilliant than you already are paths

Watty1

You know @daisy_1571 you are right I am much further on.  But more than that, your kindness in actually finding a post to show me that is remarkable.  Thank you.

So this weekend i am going to have a lovely weekend whatever I do.  Maybe just a few little bits in the garden, ride and enjoy my life.  Thank you all so much.  As ever I am touched more than  you all know by the kindness and support here.

KajiKita

I see you, all sparkling in the corner over here …. ❤️✨❤️ 😊

KK

Watty1

In horse news, I have been handling Fell Pony more.  I've had a few messages about him from people interested yet  as I responded I realised I didn't really want to sell him I was just overwhelmed.  Someone had commented on my Facebook post about him so I texted her a suggestion and she called in on her way home this afternoon and next week, a trial starts where a very nice lady who has lots of experience and is going to loan him.  He will be kept here and I will pay and care for him as now, but, she will take over his education. I'm really excited about this as my other two get to keep their friend (Most Handsome needs company) and Fell Pony's education starts next week in earnest.  

If this works, and I see no reason why it will not, then it will be a lovely solution.  The lady is going to see what he would like to do and take his education in that direction. She has experience of backing youngsters and is quiet and calm so we will see how that goes.  This feels a nice solution as I always needed a third because Most Handsome cannot be left.

This feels right to me. How a day can change, I started feeling down and yet now feel optimistic I have "got this" whatever this is.  

daisy_1571

Sounds like a great solution     

D  xx

debtfreewannabe321

That's great news with Fell Pony! I hope that solution solves some of the issues and you get to change your mind up the road a little as you become less overwhelmed.

I hope one day you will go to these shows with your head held high, regardless of who's there and who you may cross paths with. One day you may suddenly get to the point where you do not want to hide or miss out on things because you've already had enough taken away from you (and you will be in a public place where you can just ignore and walk on by).

For now, to quote Dory from Finding Nemo, just keep swimming 😊! 

beanielou

Sounds like a plan with Fell Pony. 

Watty1

Decided to have something to show for my weekend so after exercising Charming Cob I started work in the garden. There is a v-e-r-y long strip of garden between a path and next doors hedge.  It has variously been a herb garden and planted up with shade and drought tolerant ferns but nothing has ever done very well there and as their hedge has grown and cast shade I think most things will fail there.   

The tap I used for watering is no longer working (need to get a plumber out for that) so I have admitted defeat.  I set about removing dead plants and weeds and then finding membrane in the barn have covered about half of it then held the membrane down with rocks and small stones that are lying about the place.  I've kept the few plants that were doing well there and cut back the ivy.   I will need to get some bags of uniform stone chippings to tie it all together but I am really pleased with how that is looking.  Today I want to cover the rest with membrane then move the ragstones from the back drive where they are in a "heap" and continue the theme from the house to the drive.  Normally I would not cover such a large area but I don't have time or the inclination to turn it into something (a) wonderful and that (b) will survive WattyDog.  (I do have some ideas of planting house leeks in amongst the stones but for now the variety of stones with the odd painted rock and horse shoe in the mix looks very calming).