Watty's Awakening

savingholmes

Good you have two more rooms done and a plan for what should be the priority areas if you wanted to market your home. Speaking as someone who's done it in the last year - there's ever such a lot to do to market your home and declutter if you have anywhere near the amount of stuff I did!

Good the Fell pony has bonded - hopefully that will start to take some pressure off you.

Watty1

daisy_1571 said:

I love my meals in the freezer.  With mince, stew, roast, cauliflower/brocoli cheese, lasagne etc I would rarely cook only enough for 1 meal.   I figure it doesnt take much power difference to cook so much or 4 times as much in the slow cooker (or on stove for mince) It gets portioned up into 1 or 2 people meals ready.  Its great having that and some cooked potatoes on standby in freezer.  Then when I can't be bothered 1/ phone for takeaway, £30 and half an hour wait or 2/ defrost our own food, ready in quarter of a hour ......we pretty much always go for our own stuff.  Must have saved us a fortune. 

Dxx

Does Cauliflower Cheese freeze?   I love that but never cook it as mostly it is just me and a cauliflower seems so big, oh my goodness that was a really, "whoa wait, I need to know that " moment.  Thank you

Watty1

Been up since 4 am. Had a cuddle with Miss Feral and a catch up on here.  I couldn't sleep as after meeting friend who I had not seen in a long time meant a lot of "stuff" was rattling around brain.  She knew the ex and I from many years ago and kept saying "but he is such a nice man".  Which he was once. Until he wasn't and she did get that but of course it bought up lots of memories from when, yes, he was a very nice person and we were happy (or so I thought).

My life is different now and I'm happy but all that sediment from the past has been stirred up and is floating around.  Another cup of tea and maybe a bit of admin work if Feral kitten doesn't fancy another cuddle.

greenbee

I’m sorry you’ve had memories stirred up Watty. I’ve had a few friends who have done something similar, insisting on talking about my ex when I’ve clearly been trying to redirect the conversation. The only solution has been to be blunt and tell them that I’m finding the conversation distressing, and that if they’re going to insist on bringing him up in conversation then I will have to leave/talk to someone else/cut the contact (depending on how insensitive they are to the request). When this has happened around other friends who know about the situation they’ve often shut the conversation down for me - but there have, unfortunately been a few contacts I’ve had to cut completely. I guess those who can’t leave it alone haven’t been in an abusive relationship, and don’t care enough to avoid a topic that is clearly going to be upsetting. 

debtfreewannabe321

Some people are so thoughtless, I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm quite blunt these days and will state quite clearly I don't want to discuss it anymore. It's one reason I don't speak to my own parents 🙃 cycles of abuse that my mother had to keep reliving (and triggering me every time...I do feel for her but I had to protect my own MH as I lived through it and received just as much as her) and my father who did what your friend did....but your ExDH was such a good catch, he's such a top bloke (you would think so he's a mini you!)... YOU Didn't deserve him 🤦‍♀️😂....
I find it easier with most people who genuinely are just a bit thoughtless to change the subject. Every time they mention something I don't want to talk about because of triggers. Some people won't ever understand what you've gone through and I wouldn't waste your time trying to explain they've no frame of reference to compare to. Just keep changing subject (most get the point eventually)..and if that fails don't invite them round any more.

Harsh but I think MH, personal peace and a calm life are over and above all else these days. Sending gentle hugs 🤗

daisy_1571

I suppose, like yourself, if that was the first time she was hearing it, it takes time to overlay the new reality onto the projection that everyone saw.  However,  yes, its not for you to hand hold somebody through that transition.  She will have to deal with that in her own way. I know from being on the other side of your situation twice, it can raise uncomfortable ideas of how easily I personally was being fooled by the public persona (along with Mr d and our group of pals who also had to deal with their own feelings of course) so certainly left me reeling for a while and of course most of us can be insensitive from time to time as we are usually much more interested in 'how this affects me' when we first hear something.  But that's for them to deal with and its how the person later reacts that will tell you if this relationship can be maintained.   If they go away, think it over and understand it and you are happy with later responses, great.  If like debtfree found sadly they continue to disregard what you say then yes, a timeout should be in order.  Sorry to hear that was your situation debtfree.  I think you did the best thing for yourself but I imagine that itself has had its own sadness cutting family out your life, even for the best is not an easy decision.

I mostly-cook brocoli and cauliflower in pots, pop the florets into shallow glass dishes, cover with white sauce and grated cheese then bake in the oven.  As the florets are almost cooked its really only setting the sauce and cheese.  This might be how you do it too up to this point.  Once we've eaten what we need that night and its cold, we scoop bits into freezer boxes as portions single, double etc.  When we want it, we defrost in micro and heat.  Sometimes its a bit wetter but that's easily mopped off.  I don't tend to weigh out the white sauce ingredients so the sauce is thicker or thinner each time, maybe that makes the difference.   In our house its known as 'green and white'   

Daisy xx

savingholmes

I can relate to that everything is all stirred up feeling. Hope you manage to shake it off. Perhaps do something absorbing that moves your attention on - or I find filling my mind with learning a new subject or a listen to fiction book can help.

PennysIntoPounds

Sending hugs. You've had a lovely couple of weekends recently not allowing ex to dictate whether you can find pleasure so try for another one, in whatever form that takes. It'll get easier over time, sometimes there's just a bit of a barrage and you have to play whack-a-mole with unwelcome emotional intrusions. 
Cauliflower cheese is fine from frozen, as @daisy_1571 says it can sometimes be a bit wetter so you may have to have some garlic bread on the side, such a shame!

badmemory

I think they are often trying to avoid feeling guilty.  As in if it was really happening they obviously would have noticed, which they very obviously didn't.  The ones that did notice something usually appear to be heaving a sigh of relief.  I noticed a couple of those that I thought were more his friends than mine.

redofromstart

I freeze cauli cheese in small portions, thicker sauce works best as it wets a little in the freezer.

we absolutely would buy the place that needed little jobs doing, it's the land and the view that matters to us, not the lightbulbs, kitchen cupboard handles or the flooring.