Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards my partner's bills than my own?

Mark_d

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I want to live together in her home. She has a small mortgage on her property and I live in a narrow boat that's paid for. My living costs covering food, energy and water are £350 a month, and I believe that's what I should pay if I lived with her. But she thinks I should pay closer to £550, which is half her monthly living costs. In this case I'd be putting money towards her mortgage too, which seems unfair as I'll never own any part of her home. How would you split it?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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It's understandable that you an your partner want to live together.  Do you both want to live in HER home?

When my partner moved in with me (in my home), many years ago, I continued to pay the mortgage myself - because I owned the property - but we split all other bills/living costs equally.  Our vision was to be equal in the relationship and live in a home that was belonged equally to both of us, so at the earliest opportunity I sold my property and we jointly bought our new home.

I think that, rather than finances, the main issue here is about your relationship.  Do you both have the goal and drive to make it a long-term/life-long relationship?  Are you living each day as it comes, not knowing whether you'll be together in a year's time?

If it's the former then do you want a home that you've chosen together?  If you want to build your life together in the home she currently owns, then perhaps you should consider getting your name added to the deeds/mortgage.

If it's the latter, then I wouldn't want to be paying a the property that will belong to my partner.  This is assuming that the mortgage is a repayment mortgage.  If the mortgage is interest-only then personally I would split the cost equally, just as with other living costs/bills.

happylifehappywife

The mortgage should be taken out the equation and you just pay half of everything else. So whatever that amounts to. Unless she wants to put you on the mortgage. 

AgeingHippytoo

I would hang on to the boat and rent it out as you may want to move back there in a year or so if you feel like this now. 

Ringo90

Even assuming logic should be applied in relationship, exactly under what logic you wish to live with her in her house/flat and pay the same living costs you have in a boat?
So if I have a room in a flatshare and decide to move in with my partner in a 2 bedroom flat, I get to pay my share as if it was a room a in flatshare?
Genius...

SStitanic

you should pay half of the bills, shared food, council tax and some portion of rent for wear and tear of the premises as you are in it you will be using it. unless you want to split hairs over the bills, maybe she takes longer shwoers but maybe you watch more TV have the lights on later, who knows, splitting hairs however is a sure way to ruin a close relationship. 

Mojisola

Just_An_Opinion said:

You wouldn't rent a property and complain you're paying someone else's mortgage and only pay the bills. You are paying for the privilege of living in a house.

As a tenant, you would have legal protections in return for your rent.

As a live-in partner, you have no protection at all - you could come home one day and find all your belongings in the garden and the locks changed.

Not so much a problem in this case if the boat is going to be kept available but it's important for someone in this position to have a back-up fund to cover emergency accommodation and the costs involved in getting somewhere new to live.

Murphy14

The relationship is in doubt already, due to a dispute about the cost, and you have not moved in as yet!. I would think long and hard about moving in if you are unsure about finance's. If you are serious about her and intend to marry, then you will be happy to pay for half of everything. As you will then have an interest in the property. It should be about love  not money. 

Trinity411

You should pay half all outgoings as you are getting the same benefit from the property. I expect that it is  far more spacious and comfortable than living onboard the boat, especially at this time of year?

Nice35f

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I want to live together in her home. She has a small mortgage on her property and I live in a narrow boat that's paid for. My living costs covering food, energy and water are £350 a month, and I believe that's what I should pay if I lived with her. But she thinks I should pay closer to £550, which is half her monthly living costs. In this case I'd be putting money towards her mortgage too, which seems unfair as I'll never own any part of her home. How would you split it?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.

Personally, having spent 4 years with someone who never thought they should pay anything, whilst they used my toilet paper, water, electrictiy, used my sofa, mattress, washing etc... Felt as they stayed at mine, but didn't actually live there, that they didn't really want to pay anything. I'd tell her to run for the hills.
You're either committed in a relationship and share, or you're not.

Nice35f

[Deleted User] said:

I think it is reasonable that you pay rent, but not that you pay the same as your girlfriend, as she's getting a home and investing in a property to benefit later, you're only renting.  It isn't reasonable that, unless you are able to let out your boat to cover your rent, your expenses through moving in together will increase and those of your girlfriend  decrease. 

£200 a month for rent is cheap, and that is because she has been sensible and got a mortgage at a younger age.  New mortgages are £1000 plus a month, so he would be benefitting paying only a small amount per month.  If he doesn't want to pay half, I'd tell her to run.