Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards my partner's bills than my own?

Just_An_Opinion

Does your girlfriend get half of the rental income from your boat?
Imagine you both lived on your boat and she didn't pay rent.... Then she let her whole house out for £1500per month rental income; would you want some of the rental income?

spyros_455

This is a negotiation between the two of you with the possibility of it affecting the relationship.

Pros for you only paying £350:

- If you move in with her and pay £350, she greatly benefits compared to her living alone, so perhaps she'll be open to the idea.

- You could argue that £500 per month is too much for you and you won't be able to move in with her if that's how much you have to pay.

- You could also argue that if she didn't own this house, and you had a say on where you two would rent to move in together, that you wouldn't choose a place where you had to pay £500 per month, considering you already have a place where you pay £350 per month.

Pros for you paying £500:

- If you're able to rent out your boat, then you'll make money from that which will offset the £500 per month.

- Paying half is definitely fair. It makes sense for you to pay for half of the utilities and you would be paying rent if you lived anywhere else.

I don't see the fact that it's a mortgage as a relevant point. You're paying rent. If a landlord owned the house you would be paying more than half because a landlord would want profit on top of the mortgage payment. So the mortage point isn't that clear cut. The only argument you could make would be that a landlord might have a cheaper mortgage because it would be interest only, and might charge less.

However, I think it's important to consider: If she didn't own that house, and you wanted to move in with her, would you move into a place like hers and would you move into a place where you had to pay £500 per month? If you would, then you should definitely pay half as you would have done it anyway.

So, it's a negotiation. I would use some of those points when discussing it.

Southendormargate

Why are you even thinking about living with her? The relationship is doomed

onomatopoeia99

Just_An_Opinion said:

Just_An_Opinion said:

iclayt said:

If I was your gf I would think you should pay half for everything you will use/ benefit from so utilities, CT, internet, TV and streaming services, food and household supplies, and contents insurance if your items will be covered. I personally wouldn't expect you to pay towards the mortgage or building insurance.

If you moved in and there was a major repair needed requiring an unexpected sum (cover from insurance aside), would she expect you to contribute to that, and if so, would you be happy to? If the answer is no perhaps it's better not to rock the boat, so to speak, and stay where you are.

So he lives there rent free as a room let rather than paying half the bills?
He wouldn't just pay bills if he rented a property, why should he only pay bills here?

If they rented a property together would he only pay half the bills and not the rent?
The Mortgage is one of the bills. If he is being petulant about that then maybe sign onto the mortgage, but why should he live in a property for free?
If we go to the extremes and her mortgage was £100 a month for a small flat or £10,000 a month for a beautiful upgrade to his Narrowboat would he still not expect to pay?

There is a body of opinion on here that paying toward a mortgage on a home owned by a partner, whether explicitly or in the form of "rent" that goes beyond a share of the utility bills and food, allows the person paying to accrue what is known as a "beneficial interest" in the property, and so in the event of a split they would be able to claim a share of said property even though they don't appear on the deeds, the consequence being that to avoid this happening the person owning the home should not charge rent or a share of the mortgage or anything connected to ownership of the property (buildings insurance, maintenance, decorating), only a share of utilities and food.

What I said in my earlier response to this topic is what I'd ask a partner moving in for.  No rent, and obviously no contribution to the mortgage as I paid that off earlier this year.

Grouchiest

Firstly I can’t believe anyone can live on so little. However moving on. Why do you think you can live without contributing towards the accommodation costs.  That’s mean spirited and ludicrous. The mortgage clearly doesn’t reflect the value of the home. In due course it will need upgrading or repairs. Cough up and be happy, or stay where you are.

DorisDoe

It’s not sounding very ‘partner’ like. Are you looking at this being a permanent move or are you just dipping your toe in the water?
If it’s a plan for the future you need to consider both your assets, so is your boat going to be a holiday get away that you both use? in which case maybe look at the combined cost and split the lot (yes including the mortgage as you said it was small and if the house was rented you would expect to pay towards that), on the other hand are you going to rent out the boat, pocket the cash and expect to live rent free paying a small portion of some bills? 

Toe in the water is a different matter, but has to have a time limit for a trial period. 

Matt8888

Pay half the bills and council tax etc. Then agree a suitable amount for rent (and don't see it as paying some of the mortgage which just confuses the issue). As others have suggested, rent or Air B&B your narrowboat. If I loved someone enough to want them to move in with me (assuming that is the scenario here) I would not charge any rent but she is not wrong to want to do so, and it is your decision whether you move in or not. It's not really a moral dilemma, but a straight decision for you to make based on the facts.

Qwertybaz

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I want to live together in her home. She has a small mortgage on her property and I live in a narrow boat that's paid for. My living costs covering food, energy and water are £350 a month, and I believe that's what I should pay if I lived with her. But she thinks I should pay closer to £550, which is half her monthly living costs. In this case I'd be putting money towards her mortgage too, which seems unfair as I'll never own any part of her home. How would you split it?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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I’m sorry but I really struggle to understand the younger generations, I’m 70 and this is a no brainier to me. You say “my partner and I”, but are you really partners?  To me, partnership is about sharing everything, not negotiating financial affairs. I moved in with my girlfriend when we were about 27 years old, she had far more assets than me but we our income was similar and we immediately opened a shared bank account and equally shared our incomes and outgoings.  I don’t think we ever thought about who should pay what, we were partners, literally her money was my money and visa versa. Over the years we bought a house, got married, had kids. She stayed at home to raise the kids allowing me to forge a well paid career. She returned to work once the kids started school but by then I was earning far more than her and now in older age, my pension far exceeds hers. Should I now quibble about who pays what when she sacrificed her career for our family? If you are arguing about money at this early stage of your relationship then I don’t hold out much hope for your future 

HillStreetBlues

I'd stay on the boat and sail into the sunset.

gerrag

Keep living separately until you have a "grown-up" conversation about the future of your relationship, and your ongoing financial arrangements. Few things kill love like arguments over money.