Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more towards my partner's bills than my own?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I want to live together in her home. She has a small mortgage on her property and I live in a narrow boat that's paid for. My living costs covering food, energy and water are £350 a month, and I believe that's what I should pay if I lived with her. But she thinks I should pay closer to £550, which is half her monthly living costs. In this case I'd be putting money towards her mortgage too, which seems unfair as I'll never own any part of her home. How would you split it?

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BJV

IMO If you can you should pay half; you will use half the electricity and half the gas. Wear and tear on the house, maintenance etc.

Also, this should be about finding someone you want to live with, not necessarily watching every penny. You would also have the benefit of living in her house. You could also have a second income renting out your home which I am sure would cover any uplift.?

Mojisola

MSE_Kelvin said:

My partner and I want to live together in her home. She has a small mortgage on her property and I live in a narrow boat that's paid for. My living costs covering food, energy and water are £350 a month, and I believe that's what I should pay if I lived with her. But she thinks I should pay closer to £550, which is half her monthly living costs. In this case I'd be putting money towards her mortgage too, which seems unfair as I'll never own any part of her home. How would you split it?

You will build up a beneficial interest in her property if you are paying half the mortgage unless you sign to say that you don't intend this to happen.

Don't you have on-going costs with your narrow boat that will need to be paid?

If she comes on a holiday on the boat with you, does she plan to pay you for the trip or would she expect that for free?

How you deal with this depends on whether you're still at the 'separate economic lives' or are ready to be a couple, sharing lives and income.

onomatopoeia99

You should pay half the utilities, the increase in council tax that comes with her losing the single occupancy discount (so a quarter of the total bill) and half the food.  Possibly also contents insurance if you have items that could be stolen or lost in a fire meaning you benefit from it.

You should not pay towards the mortgage (it's not your house), buildings insurance (it's not your house), and household maintenance (it's not your house) or "rent" unless you get a room for your exclusive use.  

Mojisola said:

How you deal with this depends on whether you're still at the 'separate economic lives' or are ready to be a couple, sharing lives and income.

You don't have to pool finances to be in a committed relationship and choosing to keep them separate says nothing about the commitment of the parties to each other. 

Mojisola

onomatopoeia99 said:

You should pay half the utilities, the increase in council tax that comes with her losing the single occupancy discount (so a quarter of the total bill) and half the food.  Possibly also contents insurance if you have items that could be stolen or lost in a fire meaning you benefit from it.

Mojisola said:

How you deal with this depends on whether you're still at the 'separate economic lives' or are ready to be a couple, sharing lives and income.

You don't have to pool finances to be in a committed relationship and choosing to keep them separate says nothing about the commitment of the parties to each other. 

I didn't mean to imply that one was better than the other though I can see it could be read that way.  As long as couples talk and are both on the same page about their relationship and finances, it doesn't matter how they arrange things.

I think it would be a bit mean to only pay a quarter of the council tax bill.

nev.obrady

onomatopoeia99 said:

You should pay half the utilities, the increase in council tax that comes with her losing the single occupancy discount (so a quarter of the total bill) and half the food.  Possibly also contents insurance if you have items that could be stolen or lost in a fire meaning you benefit from it.

You should not pay towards the mortgage (it's not your house), buildings insurance (it's not your house), and household maintenance (it's not your house) or "rent" unless you get a room for your exclusive use.  

Mojisola said:

How you deal with this depends on whether you're still at the 'separate economic lives' or are ready to be a couple, sharing lives and income.

You don't have to pool finances to be in a committed relationship and choosing to keep them separate says nothing about the commitment of the parties to each other. 

I agree wholeheartedly except for the council tax where you should pay half as you're benefitting equally from the services. And you should pay a contribution equivalent to a 'rent' as what gives you the right to expect a free roof over your head. You don't say what you plan to do with the houseboat though. 

Jason9091

To ensure a long, happy, healthy relationship, always take time to scrutinise every bill and only pay for the portion you used - just like you would when dealing with a business. If you only eat 40% of the cornflakes, why should you be expected to pay for half of it? Itemise everything. Measure and record everything. Never pay a penny more than your fair share. If you get stuck, it's always wise to ask random people online for their opinions.

2702

It is up to you how you work it out and you both have different ideas on this, does not bold well for the future.
Why don't you meet halfway and pay £450 but this will only work if you both are truly happy with this otherwise will build up resentment.

bikaga

Using your current living costs doesn't seem right, and you're only listing food, energy and water - what about council tax, internet, tv licence, streaming subs etc you'll be using at hers? Higher energy usage in a house compared to a boat? I would list all the costs (including any you may still have to pay for the boat unless covered by a tenant there) and either split down the middle or by usage.

Since you're saying that you won't own any of the house - do you expect to live somewhere you don't own rent-free? Will you also be generating rental income from your boat and therefore benefit doubly if you move out of the boat and pay less at hers?

iclayt

If I was your gf I would think you should pay half for everything you will use/ benefit from so utilities, CT, internet, TV and streaming services, food and household supplies, and contents insurance if your items will be covered. I personally wouldn't expect you to pay towards the mortgage or building insurance.

If you moved in and there was a major repair needed requiring an unexpected sum (cover from insurance aside), would she expect you to contribute to that, and if so, would you be happy to? If the answer is no perhaps it's better not to rock the boat, so to speak, and stay where you are.

4619

Consider doing what we do. The house is mine therefore I pay all the household bills, mortgage, utilities, insurance, council tax etc. Plus any bills I incur personally. Himself pays for everything else, food, clothes, holidays, plus any personal bills. Makes sure you get a decent solicitor to write your wills.