Distressing theatre trip with disabled mom/consumer rights advice

Vic28

I'm totally stumped on who to get help from for the below, hoping someone here can advise.

My physically disabled mom bought us two theatre tickets that came to over £108. We were not able to use the seats when we arrived - the explanation for which is below. We were offered emergency seating that could not accommodate my mom's disability, the theatre would not give us a refund and my mom's credit card company won't supply a refund under Section 75 because they need more evidence of the problem (which was only ever discussed in person at the time). 

I've emailed the theatre three times to get an acknowledgment in writing that they did not and would not offer a refund and they won't reply - I suspect because they're nervous, and below I explain why I think that is. I'd love advice on how we get the money back. We're not super well-off and £108 was a big spend for my mom, this theatre trip was a rare treat we couldn't enjoy.

Here's more about what happened:

We'd purchased great seats in the stalls close to the stage, one was an aisle seat to accommodate my mom's disability. My seat was next to her (so, one in from the aisle) and we had not been sat long when an incredibly large man sat in the seat next to me.

Now, I'm going to just acknowledge that I fully understand that this is a sensitive issue. But just to communicate facts he was so large that he could not sit next to me without touching me (spilling well into my seat with his arms and his leg well into my foot space and touching my leg too).

For personal reasons that I don't feel I should have to divulge, it's incredibly distressing for me to have a strange man have uninterrupted physical contact with me against my will, even if the intention in not malicious. I'm 5'2 and 115lbs, so pretty small, so hopefully that gives a sense of just how large the man was/how far he was spilling. I could not squash myself all the way up to my mom because of her disability either (and would have been impossible to maintain that position for the entire show without it being incredibly uncomfortable).

I got up and explained the issue as sensitively as possible to an usher, then the box office, then a manager. We were informed there were no other seats available (it was fully booked). They offered us what they called their "emergency" seating. But - other than the fact this seating was the furthest seating from the stage, high up and at the very back, so much lesser in quality than what we'd booked - it could not accommodate my mom's disability.

We asked for a refund and they said no. The (male) manager then shamed me for not being more accepting of the man, which was very distressing. It is critical that I make clear at this point that I did not at any moment refer directly to the man’s size or body in front of him. I kept my statements entirely to what my needs were to the theatre staff; to not be touched by a strange man. I used the words "very large" to theatre staff only so that I could at least communicate the situation to theatre staff and never in the man's presence. I explained to the manager that if he could just sit without touching me, there would be no problem, but he could not.

Since this time I have related the incident to the theatre administrator and executive producer, who acknowledged with a generic reply in the way of Sorry you had a bad time, we hope you come again.

When I followed up twice to ask her to confirm in writing that they were not offering a refund for the Section 75 she did not reply. I suspect they are nervous about this being an equal rights issue, because I recounted my distress to the theatre admin on feeling that my discomfort was not taken into account. 

I asked the Citizen's Advice and other than Section 75 they said there was no other avenue to pursue. They suggested I contact the Equality Commission. I did, and they believed I had a case but the only recourse was to fill in one of their EHRC forms and send it to the theatre, with no expected consequence.

I totally understand that being of such a size must be very distressing for a plethora of reasons, but we all have our struggles, visible and otherwise, and I feel it should not follow that a woman should be forced to endure unwanted male physical contact for 2.5 hours.

Please advise/recommend whom I speak to in order to pursue a refund. This was our annual theatre trip that is a treat for us, and it's been pretty upsetting to say the least.

elsien

Could your mum not have stayed in her seat and you took one of the other ones and checked on her in the interval? 

While I completely sympathise because I couldn’t stand to be sat touching someone all night either. It seems to me this is more your issue than your disabled mother’s. 

There wasn’t actually any reason for your mum to move, so I’m not seeing where the equality legislation comes into it. It’s not great having to sit separately, but you’ve gone to see the show and you could still have done that. 

turnitround

Im sorry but I'm another who cant see why the theatre were at fault here and owe you a refund.
Last time I was at a show I found myself sat next to man with terrible personal hygiene and had to avoid his breathe every time he turned towards me but again not he fault of the theatre. 
Whilst it is not ideal to be sat next to an extremely large person it can happen on a bus, in a waiting room or several other places. It is a chance you take when you book seats, you never know who will be next to you.

Vic28

@turnitround You're right it can happen on a bus/in a waiting room, but one has the option to move and stand/sit in another place in that scenario. And framing this as "not ideal" and "sat next to" does not reflect the facts of the incident. I was not just "sat next to" - I was being touched against my will without interruption, and as I have stated, for personal reasons this happens to be very traumatic for me. We shouldn't have to choose between losing our money and unwanted physical touching.

@elsian I am unable to leave my mom unattended in public for such a long duration (over an hour either side of the interval) due to her disability.

If you don't have any suggestions of avenues I can pursue to get our money back, I'd kindly ask that you refrain from voicing opinions on what we *should* have done, or what you think was reasonable. This has been extremely upsetting for us both as it was a big expense, please be respectful and kind.

Emmia

I think if you want guaranteed no touching, you need to book the third seat to ensure a gap, I'm not sure the theatre has done anything wrong, they don't ask for weight or waist circumference (or height) when people book so they have no idea of the size of those attending - and even if they did ask, people might lie, or a different guest might attend if someone has a spare ticket...

They offered you another seat, which you declined - your mum could have stayed where she was, so I'm sorry but I can't see a justification for a refund for either or both of you.

turnitround

Without being unkind I think that it is unrealistic to expect to go to and theatre which is fully booked and not get touched. No matter what person is sitting next to you there will always be touching. Sorry but I dont see any path to getting a refund.

user1977

Vic28 said:

If you don't have any suggestions of avenues I can pursue to get our money back, I'd kindly ask that you refrain from voicing opinions on what we *should* have done, or what you think was reasonable. This has been extremely upsetting for us both as it was a big expense, please be respectful and kind.

Providing you with correct (if disappointing) advice is neither being disrespectful nor unkind.

TELLIT01

I had the same thing happen on an aircraft, which was also full, so sympathise with the OP.  I was in the middle seat and the guy in the window seat was so large it was impossible to put the arm rest down.  I was fortunate that it was only a short internal UK flight.  I know it's contentious but I believe that anybody unable to fit in a seat without overflowing into another should have to purchase 2 seats.  Why should others be made to suffer?

strawb_shortcake

Theatre seats are often small and narrow, when I was a few stone heavier they were nearing on uncomfortable but I wasn't spilling over. Buy I do appreciate it would be uncomfortable had I have spilled out a seat I'd feel mortified to be touching someone else through my size. 

Unfortunately though, I can't see that you have any comeback from the Theatre, there are only a finite number of seats, so their options are limited in what they can do to help you.

Our local Theatre has a specific section for disabled people, this has more space for those in wheelchairs etc, perhaps this could be considered for next time? 

Additionally my Mum who is also disabled has a card CEA I think, this allows a carer to go for free so may help bring costs down for you both I future.

Emmia

Vic28 said:

@turnitround You're right it can happen on a bus/in a waiting room, but one has the option to move and stand/sit in another place in that scenario. And framing this as "not ideal" and "sat next to" does not reflect the facts of the incident. I was not just "sat next to" - I was being touched against my will without interruption, and as I have stated, for personal reasons this happens to be very traumatic for me. We shouldn't have to choose between losing our money and unwanted physical touching.

@elsian I am unable to leave my mom unattended in public for such a long duration (over an hour either side of the interval) due to her disability.

If you don't have any suggestions of avenues I can pursue to get our money back, I'd kindly ask that you refrain from voicing opinions on what we *should* have done, or what you think was reasonable. This has been extremely upsetting for us both as it was a big expense, please be respectful and kind.

You were presumably being nudged by the arm or waist/torso of your neighbour as they sat in their seat / shifted to be comfortable as people do.

If you were being intentionally groped (which from your description you weren't) that would be a different matter, and you should involve the police.

elsien

I’m sorry you have interpreted my remark as being unkind. But this is a public forum, and people will comment in ways you perceive to be completely irrelevant.
However I would suggest that the mechanisms you are looking at for a refund will be asking the same questions that I have in order to consider what is reasonable, and what isn’t. Particularly as you did not feel able to explain at the time why this situation may have been more distressing for you than for for any other person in a similar situation.