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When you are outbid on a home

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  • jimbog
    jimbog Posts: 2,106
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    jimbog said:
    user1977 said:
    sheramber said:
    Being the first offer means nothing. The seller is looking for the highest bidder.
    I know that, and I appreciate that. I would have kept going until it was mine if I had the extra funds, but I don't.

    So, instead, I got to experience the ugly side of the home-buying process.
    It's not "ugly", it just means you can't afford your dream home. Go find another dream home. Maybe a cheaper one.
    From my perspective, it is one of the uglier sides of this process. Yes, I'm new to it, but this is a bad first impression of how it works.
    When I put the first bid on ebay I never imagine it will be the only bid and I don't find it ugly when someone outbids me on it 
    I fail to recognise the correlation between bidding for a Daffy Duck phone cover on eBay, to buying a home.
    You’re bidding on the home, as per your subject headline, not buying it.
     
    I can understand your disappointment in not getting it for the maximum that you were prepared to pay but your maximum wasn’t someone else. It sucks but it’s not ‘ugly’ - reserve that for gazumping 
    Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
  • BungalowBel
    BungalowBel Posts: 188
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    edited 20 September 2023 at 5:10PM
    What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

    You outbid someone, someone else outbid you.
    You need to get over yourself.
    Actually, I didn't outbid anyone until they attempted to take it from me first. I was just trying to salvage my offer.
    But they didn't 'take it from you'.  It wasn't yours.  They just offered more than you did.  


  • jimbog
    jimbog Posts: 2,106
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    Skiddaw1 said:
    @Dannydee333 house buying/selling really is one of the most stressful things ever. It's an emotional rollercoaster and no matter how you tell yourself to develop a thick skin and roll with the punches you'll still have meltdown moments (or at least that's my experience). All I can say is you WILL get there in the end. If this house wasn't The One there's a reason for it and (again based on my experience) you'll end up somewhere heaps better. Good luck and hang on in there.... :)
    I guess I can use this experience positively in that it will make me stronger for next time!
    Good luck. The home for you is out there and won’t pass you by!
    Gather ye rosebuds while ye may
  • Hi,
    so it reads as though you are hoping to get in early and make first offer and if someone else offers more then you drop out?
    So either you will need to offer well over asking price, to put others off, or I doubt if you will ever be lucky in your quest for your the house you have your heart set on.

    No... In this case, I made the first offer of the asking price. Someone tried to outbid me and then I tried to salvage it. I didn't drop out or at least I didn't want to drop out.

    From here on, I'll be fine with bidding. Ideally after being first.
  • jimbog said:
    jimbog said:
    user1977 said:
    sheramber said:
    Being the first offer means nothing. The seller is looking for the highest bidder.
    I know that, and I appreciate that. I would have kept going until it was mine if I had the extra funds, but I don't.

    So, instead, I got to experience the ugly side of the home-buying process.
    It's not "ugly", it just means you can't afford your dream home. Go find another dream home. Maybe a cheaper one.
    From my perspective, it is one of the uglier sides of this process. Yes, I'm new to it, but this is a bad first impression of how it works.
    When I put the first bid on ebay I never imagine it will be the only bid and I don't find it ugly when someone outbids me on it 
    I fail to recognise the correlation between bidding for a Daffy Duck phone cover on eBay, to buying a home.
    You’re bidding on the home, as per your subject headline, not buying it.
     
    I can understand your disappointment in not getting it for the maximum that you were prepared to pay but your maximum wasn’t someone else. It sucks but it’s not ‘ugly’ - reserve that for gazumping 
    That's fair, now that I know the difference. It was ugly to me but now that the first one is out of the way it's less likely that I'd feel the same way next time if it comes down to just being 'outbid' rather than the more shady and ruthless g..zumped.
  • It might not be the end. I bidded on what I considered my dream house and lost it as j was second choice. Then about 2 weeks later it was back on Rightmove as the buyer pulled out. I quickly offered again slightly lower and was accepted this time.
    I now live in said dream house 😀 so it might not be the end, just save it in your Rightmove account and keep an eye on it. 
    I'm aware that it could actually come back to me. At which point (if it does) I'll have to consider if I still want to proceed or not. One thing that worries me, tho, is the chance of being engaged in the process of buying somewhere else and THEN they come back to me.

    That would pi$$ me right off big time. It should pi$$ anyone off.
    Which is exactly what happened to me, and I pulled out the other because I wanted it so much. I wasn't too far along luckily but I didn't feel good about doing it but no regrets.
  • What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

    You outbid someone, someone else outbid you.
    You need to get over yourself.
    Actually, I didn't outbid anyone until they attempted to take it from me first. I was just trying to salvage my offer.
    But they didn't 'take it from you'.  It wasn't yours.  They just offered more than you did.  


    I was more specifically meaning that they took the opportunity from me.

    "but that's how it works" yeah I know... although it still felt that way to me
  • It might not be the end. I bidded on what I considered my dream house and lost it as j was second choice. Then about 2 weeks later it was back on Rightmove as the buyer pulled out. I quickly offered again slightly lower and was accepted this time.
    I now live in said dream house 😀 so it might not be the end, just save it in your Rightmove account and keep an eye on it. 
    I'm aware that it could actually come back to me. At which point (if it does) I'll have to consider if I still want to proceed or not. One thing that worries me, tho, is the chance of being engaged in the process of buying somewhere else and THEN they come back to me.

    That would pi$$ me right off big time. It should pi$$ anyone off.
    Which is exactly what happened to me, and I pulled out the other because I wanted it so much. I wasn't too far along luckily but I didn't feel good about doing it but no regrets.
    That's a $hitty scenario to be presented with and would serve only to be nothing less than extremely irritating. especially if you have gone and spent money on surveys or whatever.

    Glad it worked out for you!
  • Dannydee333
    Dannydee333 Posts: 74
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    edited 20 September 2023 at 6:31PM
    You don’t mention your age, but your experiences and reactions to me read like a byproduct of the “modern” way we are teaching the next generation. Not everyone is equal and in the real world we don’t all get a participation award.

    We aren’t teaching our future generations how to deal with disappointment. We need to be teaching resilience and the necessary skills to function and live in the real world
    Mid-30s. It's just my first time stepping into this arena and I didn't like my initial experience and first impressions as to what you have to go through.

    This is small-time in comparison to the true loss and struggle I've faced in my life. I am actually more resilient than most having gone through what I have, even if I don't ooze resilience here today.
  • Among the helpful comments on this thread, there are some really quite unpleasant ones. It's clear from the outset that the OP is new to property buying, in that circumstance it's really not hard to be at least a little kind in our responses, is it?

    We decided from the outset on our recent sale & purchase that we wanted to be ethical about the way we did things. The astonishment this was greeted with by estate agents was amazing - and the first selling agent we went with basically ignored everything we said on this front - and was determined to encourage us down a route of for example under-pricing, with the expectation that we would then encourage a bidding war once we got offers in place. In spite of us saying repeatedly that this didn't sit well with us, they continued to tell us that was the approach we would take, and it was actually really hard work to get them to put the listing in place with the "right" price for the property!

    The first few offers we got were too low - well below asking, and we just turned them down straight with the feedback that the offer was well below the asking price, and our "in the region of" meant just that - not over £13k below our just-over-£200k asking price. Eventually one of those potential buyers came back with an offer £3.5k under, and we accepted pretty swiftly - the only reason for the delay at that stage was that we had two more viewings booked at the time and wanted to allow those people the opportunity to see the property and perhaps offer asking. Our then agent was open with the person who had the offer on the table and explained the situation, and also let the upcoming viewers know that there was already a competitive offer on the table. Once those viewings had happened we allowed a few days for further offers, then went back and accepted that "just under" offer - immediately asking the agent to take the property off the market. As far as we were concerned that was it - had either of the other viewers come back later with a higher offer, they would have been politely told that no, a deal had been struck.  The property we bought was just as well dealt with IMO. We offered at £14k under (asking price in the high £300k's), the sellers came back and asked to meet in the middle, we said yes, and that was that, property off the market, and no shilly shallying from either party thereafter. The mortgage valuation for our purchase came up a fraction below what we were paying, but that was a drive-by and so didn't take account of the various improvements in the property, so we were quite happy with that. 

    OP - there are decent people out there, hopefully the above, and some of the other replies you've got have given you some hope on that one. Lessons for the future are probably firstly not to get involved in a bidding war ubless you are absolutely resigned to the fact that once you do, it's "dog eat dog" - to negotiate with a seller in the first instance is one thing, but to then be dragged in to competing with other buyers for a property will frequently not end well. In the current market you may find it's not something you come across too much more anyway. I'd also say that no matter how much you might love a property (and trust me, I can completely understand that - had we lost out on our now home, I think we'd have had to step away from the option of moving at least for a while, as from the moment we saw the listing we knew we wanted to live there!) try not to set your heart on it 100% until an offer is actually accepted - as until that point there aren't really any ethics in play as such. 

    For now, I'd suggest you go back to the agents for the house you've lost out on, politely underline your position, and why you are a good buyer. Reiterate what you were prepared to pay for the property but caveat that with "in the market as it stands today", thank them for their time, and then walk away. If thigs change, and the current buyer drops out, your adult handling of the situation, and your politeness might make you stand out a little to be re-contacted. if you ARE re-contacted, be clear from the start that you expect an accepted offer to be just that - property off the market immediately and all parties to commence a move forward with the transaction with no games. This doesn't give you any guarantees about people's behavior, but it does at least mean you have been clear about your own position.  If you are re-contacted in a further few months, and the market has dropped a little more, then your caveat of your earlier figures would mean you'd have the scope to drop that offer a little if needed without that then also feeling unethical.

    Good luck finding a home that meets your dreams every bit as much as this one did - you may be surprised, sometimes life has a habit of working out for the best! 
    That was a dreadful way for the first agent to approach the process. Could you not have chosen someone else at that point? Or I guess it could have been more of a hindsight thing where it all happened then you didn't realise how dodgy they were until after it was done and dusted.

    Appreciate you sharing your experience in such detail. I also appreciate the acknowledgement that I do not want to screw anyone over in the process, such as usurping a home from someone who's already engaged in a sale agreement. I couldn't live with that on my conscience and to be honest, I find it difficult to comprehend how anyone would actually want to live in a home that they got in this manner. I certainly wouldn't, and it's an absolute certainty that I will never be responsible for doing that to anyone.

    I already told the agents to come back if anything changes. In fact, they were the ones who suggested it to me and I agreed. One thing I fear is the idea of being engaged in a sale or perhaps even having already completed and moved to a new home, and then they come back. Just like the theoretical scenario you outlined above, where they come back in a few months; well, for one, I don't plan to wait around that long and two, if the worst case were to happen and they came to me after I'd already completed on another home, I would be bitterly disappointed. I imagine that situation would have the potential to make someone very deeply bitter about that particular event in their life, one that would burn internally for quite some time. Unless, of course, the home you completed was even better. Although I sense that it would still be rather enraging either way.

    I noticed the one I lost is still not at "sale agreed" or "under offer" yet. Which is what generally happens on PropertyPal when homes reach those statuses. The listing stays there, but it's relabelled with one of those statuses and the price removed.
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