When you are outbid on a home

Dannydee333

I offered the asking price for a home that I believe to be up there with my dream home territory. I went straight in with the asking price as I didn't wish to play games or be an a-hole.

Last week I had a short 'bidding war' when someone else attempted to outbid me twice, and then I won that with what was my final bid. I didn't have the means to go any higher. I was the first person to offer and was hoping that offering the asking price to be respectful to the seller would be in my favour.

Today someone else viewed the property and has outbid me yet again. Only this time, I'm no longer in a position to play the game. I have a financial ceiling at the moment that limits me from going higher, otherwise, I would.

As a first-time buyer, this is my first time engaging in and experiencing this kind of thing. My initial reaction to being outbid is one of disappointment mixed with disgust. I feel like it's a distasteful thing to do, "outbidding" someone like this. They don't care that that person may have their heart set on that home - which I have/had - and then someone comes along and decides they going to steal their joy from them.

What I'm really saying is, regardless if the other person simply wanted it the same way as I did and decided to take the opportunity to themselves, I personally would feel discomfort knowing that I did this to someone else and I just hope that I can keep my moral compass intact throughout this process (i.e. not be responsible for causing similar hurt to another individual).

I might get told that it's just the nature of this business and that it's nothing personal, etc., but that will not change the way I feel about it - to come along and steal a home purchase from someone, well, I think that's a bit of scummy thing to do and as it stands I can sleep easy at night knowing I have not done this to someone.

How do people deal with this kind of loss?

And yes, I know I can't have lost what I didn't have, but I did lose out on an opportunity to seal the deal on a home I truly desired, and it stings.

p00hsticks

I think my reaction to your position would largely depend on whether the seller actually accepted your offer at any point, and agreed to take it off the market - you don't really make that clear.

RHemmings

I can't give practical advice, as you are further along than me. 

I felt quite let down when I found what I thought was a great house, and then found it had been sold one day before I found out about it. I can imagine even further disappointment getting that close and then losing the house. BTW: I decided I wasn't going to do any gazumping. 

sheramber

When you were outbidding your rival were you not taking away their opportunity to have their dream home?

housebuyer143

Was your offer accepted and then you were outbid again? If so, that's disgusting behaviour and isn't really the norm. 

Dannydee333

p00hsticks said:

I think my reaction to your position would largely depend on whether the seller actually accepted your offer at any point, and agreed to take it off the market - you don't really make that clear.

It had not been accepted however I did give the asking price the raised it when someone else tried to take it. Then, of course, someone else took it anyway.

Dannydee333

sheramber said:

When you were outbidding your rival were you not taking away their opportunity to have their dream home?

No... I was the first bidder, for the asking price too (so as not to mess the seller around). All I did was try to stop someone from taking it from me. Not the same.

Dannydee333

housebuyer143 said:

Was your offer accepted and then you were outbid again? If so, that's disgusting behaviour and isn't really the norm. 

No to be fair it wasn't accepted yet... but I just feel like it would make me uncomfortable to "gazump" (what a revolting word) someone.

Dannydee333

RHemmings said:

I can't give practical advice, as you are further along than me. 

I felt quite let down when I found what I thought was a great house, and then found it had been sold one day before I found out about it. I can imagine even further disappointment getting that close and then losing the house. BTW: I decided I wasn't going to do any gazumping. 

Yeah, I had my eyes and heart on this one for 3 weeks. Viewed it, offered the asking price, etc., and then have just had it swiped from under me.

I think that's a solid position to take - deciding not to try and do any "gazumping"... Apparently, you are supposed to adopt a ruthless attitude when it comes to real estate. However, my moral integrity is more valuable.

user1977

Dannydee333 said:

housebuyer143 said:

Was your offer accepted and then you were outbid again? If so, that's disgusting behaviour and isn't really the norm. 

No to be fair it wasn't accepted yet... but I just feel like it would make me uncomfortable to "gazump" (what a revolting word) someone.

It's not gazumping if the offer had never been accepted. You were just bidding against someone else. That's pretty normal. Did you not know?

Dannydee333

user1977 said:

Dannydee333 said:

housebuyer143 said:

Was your offer accepted and then you were outbid again? If so, that's disgusting behaviour and isn't really the norm. 

No to be fair it wasn't accepted yet... but I just feel like it would make me uncomfortable to "gazump" (what a revolting word) someone.

It's not gazumping if the offer had never been accepted. You were just bidding against someone else. That's pretty normal. Did you not know?

No this is my first time so I guess it's new to me. I understand the difference you highlight, and I'll try to use it to ease this loss. However, to me, it still feels like the same thing at this point. Obviously, it would hurt much more if it was after a sale being agreed.