The Senior Wonder Years!

Sunshine_girl2

Baron Dale, it's interesting to hear about your state pension being a few pence short of the highest amount, as I was contracted out of SERPs for a few years and did wonder how it would affect me . I have 5 years before my state pension so will be hoping for the same result as you . 

SouthCoastBoy

Sunshine_girl2 said:

Baron Dale, it's interesting to hear about your state pension being a few pence short of the highest amount, as I was contracted out of SERPs for a few years and did wonder how it would affect me . I have 5 years before my state pension so will be hoping for the same result as you . 

You can go online and check your state pension, you will most probably need a govt gateway acct, https://www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

[Deleted User]

@Sunshine_girl2, have you decided which part of the forum you may begin to frequent yet? Hopefully, it will be around these parts!

helensbiggestfan

badmemory said:

Floss said:

Can I just point out that a section of posters on any / all of the boards are likely to be suffering from illness, whether physical or mental. It is a little judgemental to make sweeping statements about people based on their level of clutter or poor financial management.

To be honest I don't think it is judgemental just realistic.  For example my DS has mental problems, he hoards & if it wasn't for me his savings would still be in his current account.  One of my biggest worries is how he will deal with things when I can't.  I am just hoping (whilst trying to coach him) that it is just a form of inertia which makes him rely on me for things.  I think it is a forlorn hope though.  I had an op last year & whilst I was recovering he was great but after nearly 3 weeks I could see him deteriorating.  It is what it is, there is no point in pretending that everything is fine.

Happy Easter. 🐣

Badmemory. I have been thinking about your post about your son.  It resonated with me.  Try not to despair and worry too much. Who knows how things might pan out.  I used to worry so much about my youngest son. I couldn't see how he could ever navigate his way through life. My husband used to joke he would either end up in jail or become a Nobel prize winner.  He could go either way.....

This is rather a long post but hopefully it might prove of interest to someone as an example of how even the most unlikely person can change their lives, even when the dice might seem to be stacked against them.  It's about my once upon a time spendthrift son, who struggled academically, who just managed to scrape a degree and who spent the early part of his working life coasting in a minimum wage dead end job, but who finally saw the light and got his act together.  

My son doesn't have any special mental health issues as such, (other than being overly anxious at times which manifests itself in insomnia and stomach problems) but he is dyslexic and dyspraxic.  Anyway, when he was younger he was an absolute shocker with his money.   Scatty, hopelessly disorganised and always running out of money before payday.  I had to bail him out more than once.  He wasn't feckless as such but he certainly lacked self discipline. Definitely a case of Failure to Launch!!!! Lol. 

It all came to a head when one day he came home from work in a right state. He was pale and shaking, making several trips to the bathroom and feeling really unwell.  He was terrified he was going to be sacked.  I coached him through the issues and advised him how to proceed. (He was fine in the end, it was all a misunderstanding, he wasn't in trouble, he just panicked......as I say part of his anxiety issues). 

I had been trying for years to get him to understand the necessity of an emergency fund but with little  success.  I didn't want to say "I told you so" but when I had finished guiding him through what to say etc I tried something else.  I actually said "What you really need is a "F... You Fund". 

I never swear (I am actually very ladylike 😂) but desperate times call for desperate measures. It really shocked him that I had used such an expression. It made him sit up and take notice.  I elaborated and explained that there would always be situations in life when it was wise to have some "running away money".  It could be an argument with a spouse or housemate and needing to stay in a hotel for a few days whilst looking for new accommodation, getting fired from a job or simply hating your job so much you just want to hand in your notice or it could just be something like a large unexpected bill.  I told him that life throws curved balls and one needs to expect the unexpected and always have something to fall back on.  

Anyway he wasn't fired, alls well that ends well but after that I noticed he started to change his attitude towards money so I did as much as I could to help him.  He was finally ready to listen and learn, so I decided to strike whilst the iron was hot.  

I booked us into one of those free property seminars.  Not because I wanted him to become a property magnate but I wanted to open his eyes. I had worked in property development and knew the different types of people the business attracted.  The serious hard working people who were prepared to give it their all and the hopeless chancers who (mistakenly) saw it as an easy route to riches.  

 He was a bit late getting home from work. I explained we didn't have time to eat dinner but he needed to get washed and changed and I would make him a sandwich for now and then I would buy him dinner at our favourite restaurant after the event. He was tired and didn't want to go to the bother of getting changed and tbh he didn't look too bad in his work gear, but I wanted to make a point. I didnt say why he should change, I just said he would feel better if he freshened up a bit.   I wanted him to come to his own conclusions. He humoured me and quickly showered and got changed into smart casual.  He looked and smelt good.  

Anyway we got there in plenty of time and whilst we sat waiting for the event to begin I watched him looking around and taking it all in.  There were two distinct categories of people, those who had made an effort and who were there to learn and those who were just hopeless "losers" who looked like they needed a good scrub. Some even smelt decidedly whiffy.  Lol.  They were the ones who were whining and complaining about their lot in life, they were unlucky, they never got the breaks, the system was against them and so on.  I never said a word, I just let my son take a good look and soak it all up.  After a while he suddenly looked me in the eye and grinned,  I could almost see the wheels turning in his head.  He'd got the message. 

Afterwards, whilst we were having dinner, he said "I see now why you were so insistent about me smartening myself up, it's all about attitude and taking responsibility for your own actions isn't it". 

Hallelujah!!! A breakthrough......💃💃.  That seminar and the people he saw there was the catalyst for change.  The eye opener I was hoping for.  

After that he bought himself some money management books, started listening to podcasts and sites like this and knuckled down. He booked himself onto an electricians training programme, paying for the fees himself and retrained, whilst still working full time. 

Before his death, my husband and I hatched out a plan, selling our assets etc to gift both our younger son and his elder brother deposits for their houses. They both bought wrecks.  Just after my husbands death I moved in with my younger son and together he and I renovated his property. I put in the cash for materials and he put in the sweat  equity.  He sold it for a nice profit which he used as a stepping stone to better things.  

Now his life is transformed. He likes his new job as an electrician and has long term plans to start his own business one day. He lives in a beautiful detached 4 bedroomed house, has savings, is funding two pension plans and has become a canny investor.  This was the lost boy who never had two pennies to rub together and who consequently was often crippled with anxiety and stomach problems due to money worries.  He worked flat out for around three years,  renovating his house whilst working full time and studying for his electrical exams.  I did all I could to help him, living with him,  cooking most of his meals and teaching him to cook, doing his laundry etc, teaching him diy, sharing household bills. I am very proud of him. He worked very hard and he deserves his rewards and his current nice lifestyle.  He overcame not only his high anxiety but also the problems he encounters with his dyslexia and dyspraxia.  He still gets anxious at times, I guess he always will, it's just who he is. 

I agree both mental and physical illness can hold people back but the reality is everyone has to accept responsibility for their situation, working with what they've got.  (Within reason obviously).

 Due to his illness my poor husband became a quadriplegic who also lost the power of speech so of course he couldn't work or take care of his family and I had to take over and do the best I could. Even so he didn't abdicate it all to me, he and I could still communicate and we still worked as a team, doing what we could to help our sons get a good start in life.  

Part of that has been trying to teach our boys the importance of resilience, stoicism, accepting responsibility and standing on one's own two feet.  Now I watch my eldest son teaching his sons the same lessons and I smile, knowing that my husband would be proud of the man and father his eldest son has become.  And like me, my husband would be quietly astonished that his spendthrift and wayward younger son has grown up to become stable and financially astute.  

I know social mobility isn't what it was and that young people do have it harder than my generation did.  However I still think it's possible to make headway through one's efforts.  It might take our young people longer to get ahead  than it took their parents and grandparents but it can still  be done. Mental  health issues or learning difficulties need not necessarily be a barrier to success, but apathy and learned helplessness will definitely put the brakes on progress.  I have worked for several self made millionaires who were severely dyslexic (far worse than my son) and it didn't stop them.  Nowadays there is support, professional help and guidance available.  . "My" millionaires were of that generation who were failed by the educational system and thrown onto the scrap heap. They had to forge their path without professional help or any kind of support.  But they just got stuck in and turned their lives round.  

I think a lot of it is down to personal qualities such as resilience and stoicism, being able to stay the course, not giving into defeatism or overwhelm.   Life is full of challenges.  It's how we respond to those challenges that counts.   

I look back on my life and am often astonished that I overcame so many obstacles. I wont bore you all to death with a catalogue of setbacks and tales of woe. It's all in the past. I am not smug or self satisfied but I am proud of what I have achieved. It's was hard work at times but worth it in the end.  And I still managed to have some fun along the way.😉. 

I miss my husband more than words can say but life has to go on.  I have to stick around and make the most of what life throws my way.  My husbands last request was for me to "look after the boys". And I'm proud to say that's what I have done.  I know my husband would have wanted me to be happy and now I live for him as well as for myself, enjoying life and happy in my skin.  So far my Third Act is turning out just fine. More money would be nice of course. I am working on it.

I have had a fun filled busy Easter and now I am shattered so just having a quiet day.  

Have fun everyone, enjoy the rest of Easter, don't eat too much chocolate.!!! 

[Deleted User]

@helensbiggestfan. A wonderful and inspirational post. Thank you.

helensbiggestfan

As my 3 year old grandson would say...."it's my pleasure".  😂.  

 I do hope he keeps his good manners.  They seem to come quite naturally to him, he's quite the charmer and already showing clear signs of being a ladies man..  

His elder brother, aged 6, is proving a tougher nut to crack, he still has to be reminded to "mind his manners".  

Muddy_Walker

Hello,

Ive read your entire thread with great interest and enjoyed all of it 😊
My husband and I are not yet ready to retire as we still have a few years yet plus a mortgage to repay first but we are quietly rounding up pensions we had when younger to put some kind of plan in place once the mortgage has gone.

We have had a lot of financial struggles over the years and have come through them. I have also had mental health issues which took a long time to resolve as I thought they were “normal” and sadly have also been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer - it’s liveable but not curable and has meant that a great change in circumstances have happened - the biggest of which is learning to deal with limitations and accepting them. I am glad it has been mentioned about how frugal people can be almost to the point of pride - I honestly believed I was a failure as I cannot live like that and it frightens me to be honest.

Anyway I don’t want to monopolise your thread! 

Take care x

[Deleted User]

@Muddy_Walker, a warm welcome to thread! Do feel free to post again about your plans, that may be of interest to others.

You have my admiration and respect for facing up to life’s knocks and looking to the future with sensible planning.

Never feel a failure for not leading, what others may consider to be a frugal life! All our circumstances and lifestyles are different and individual. Life is for living. It can be done well without loads and loads of money nor with having to wear the false hair shirt of frugal pride!

I look forward to hearing more from you. Best wishes.

helensbiggestfan

hi Muddy Walker, welcome. And I too am impressed at the way you have overcome the hurdles that were sent your way,  well done.  

No hair shirts for me......only silk or fine cotton.  😂.   Especially good quality vintage when I can find them.     

Just off for a massage.  Not so much a luxury as a necessity to keep my body from falling into decrepitude. Ha ha.  

Have a great day all.  . 

Muddy_Walker

Thank you for the very warm welcome! 😊