Who does the house go to when a partner dies? Partner disagrees.

Tiglet2

OP, do you have siblings/close friends etc?

Maybe say to your partner that you should own the property 50/50 as Tenants in Common with both of you leaving your respective halves to your siblings/significant others.  Then you'll both be able to see the advantages and disadvantages should the worst happen.

Flody994

ellie99 said:

Flody994 said:

I think he's not thinking of future children when he talks about this scenario with his siblings, which I know is silly as we have at length talked about having children. He definitely would want them to be provided for, so it seems his logic is children > siblings > me, which I'm not happy with. I just wanted to double check I wasn't going mad that this isn't really normal for someone you are supposedly planning a long-term future and grow old with.

Well now you know where you stand. No judgement, but it seems that the move towards cohabiting without marriage has made it harder for people to tell just how committed partners are.

Out of interest, if you were the one to die, who would you leave your share of the house to? Your partner?

I just assumed it would be the usual joint tenant/right of survivorship with my share of the house going to my partner upon my death, regardless if that was in a couple of years, or thirty. I do understand joint tenants doesn't work for everyone. I had suggested a Declaration of Trust and both having wills. I do have younger brothers but I wouldn't expect them to have my share of the house or money from it as they have their own lives. I can't imagine I'd have oodles in savings when I die, but I would leave them something if I did, as I expect most people would, just not money from sale of a jointly owned house.

CSI_Yorkshire said:

To play devil's advocate and put forward the other side - flip the perspective.

"We've only been together four years, are not married and don't have children, and I insist that my partner leaves everything to me and ignores his family"

I know it's not that blunt, but to everyone saying "this is a red flag, run away", consider the other perspective and see if you still think the same.

I do understand the flip side, but I was only talking about the house, not any other monetary assets or his small business etc. 

[Deleted User]

 It's his house that he bought with his sibling. Best bet imo would be that you don't buy the half, he sells the house and gives his sibling the half the sibling owns and you buy a 'family home' together. If he doesn't want to do that, I personally think he isn't committed enough to you to  have children with. Being a tad less cynical than life has made me, there may be reasons beyond his siblings having low paid jobs that make him want to 'see them right', they had him first so to speak, he may feel he owes them for 'something', perhaps previous emotional rather than financial support? Have you asked him?

TheJP

In my experience, this will/maybe change if you got married and had children. If i never intended in marrying and didn't want kids then i would want my assets to pass on to more than likely my niece and nephews. 

Have a chat with your partner to find out the reasons and if this would change should you marry or have kids. 

I am married and have kids and anything and everything i have will be left to them.

Flody994

[Deleted User] said:

 It's his house that he bought with his sibling. Best bet imo would be that you don't buy the half, he sells the house and gives his sibling the half the sibling owns and you buy a 'family home' together. If he doesn't want to do that, I personally think he isn't committed enough to you to  have children with. Being a tad less cynical than life has made me, there may be reasons beyond his siblings having low paid jobs that make him want to 'see them right', they had him first so to speak, he may feel he owes them for 'something', perhaps previous emotional rather than financial support? Have you asked him?

He doesn't want to sell that house and buy another one as he hates moving and doesn't want to waste money on all the fees/stamp duty/moving costs/estate agents/hassle etc etc until we are ready to move in a number of years. 

We have spoken about it all a number of times - it's not to repay any kind of emotional/financial support from siblings in the past, he just wants to leave them money to improve their lives. I completely understand that as I would want to do the same if I had spare money in future, but just didn't like the thought of it coming from the house.

Flody994

TheJP said:

In my experience, this will/maybe change if you got married and had children. If i never intended in marrying and didn't want kids then i would want my assets to pass on to more than likely my niece and nephews. 

Have a chat with your partner to find out the reasons and if this would change should you marry or have kids. 

I am married and have kids and anything and everything i have will be left to them.

We're talking about having children but he is very anti the institution of marriage so we aren't planning on getting married, but I suppose that is a different can of worms especially if you then have children!

[Deleted User]

 Maybe he just thinks the only asset he is sure of leaving to his siblings ( he's unlikely to have a small business forever and children cost money!)  is his share of the house? If you don't buy the half, what would be Plan B? 

CSI_Yorkshire

Flody994 said:

[Deleted User] said:

 It's his house that he bought with his sibling. Best bet imo would be that you don't buy the half, he sells the house and gives his sibling the half the sibling owns and you buy a 'family home' together. If he doesn't want to do that, I personally think he isn't committed enough to you to  have children with. Being a tad less cynical than life has made me, there may be reasons beyond his siblings having low paid jobs that make him want to 'see them right', they had him first so to speak, he may feel he owes them for 'something', perhaps previous emotional rather than financial support? Have you asked him?

He doesn't want to sell that house and buy another one as he hates moving and doesn't want to waste money on all the fees/stamp duty/moving costs/estate agents/hassle etc etc until we are ready to move in a number of years. 

We have spoken about it all a number of times - it's not to repay any kind of emotional/financial support from siblings in the past, he just wants to leave them money to improve their lives. I completely understand that as I would want to do the same if I had spare money in future, but just didn't like the thought of it coming from the house.

Why is it "coming from the house" any better or worse than him keeping a big pot of cash to give them?

Flody994

CSI_Yorkshire said:

Flody994 said:

[Deleted User] said:

 It's his house that he bought with his sibling. Best bet imo would be that you don't buy the half, he sells the house and gives his sibling the half the sibling owns and you buy a 'family home' together. If he doesn't want to do that, I personally think he isn't committed enough to you to  have children with. Being a tad less cynical than life has made me, there may be reasons beyond his siblings having low paid jobs that make him want to 'see them right', they had him first so to speak, he may feel he owes them for 'something', perhaps previous emotional rather than financial support? Have you asked him?

He doesn't want to sell that house and buy another one as he hates moving and doesn't want to waste money on all the fees/stamp duty/moving costs/estate agents/hassle etc etc until we are ready to move in a number of years. 

We have spoken about it all a number of times - it's not to repay any kind of emotional/financial support from siblings in the past, he just wants to leave them money to improve their lives. I completely understand that as I would want to do the same if I had spare money in future, but just didn't like the thought of it coming from the house.

Why is it "coming from the house" any better or worse than him keeping a big pot of cash to give them?

Because I would need to sell the house and move somewhere smaller (potentially with future children), to release his half of the money to go to his siblings.

Flody994

[Deleted User] said:

 Maybe he just thinks the only asset he is sure of leaving to his siblings ( he's unlikely to have a small business forever and children cost money!)  is his share of the house? If you don't buy the half, what would be Plan B? 

Yes, that does make sense from his POV. I don't know what plan B is.