Who does the house go to when a partner dies? Partner disagrees.

Jude57

I'd be unwilling to set out owning as TIC in the hope of, at some point in the future changing to JT's for the simple reason that, God forbid, the partner dies before reaching the point at which he's agreeable to the change, the OP is stuck in a situation she doesn't want and with mortgage repayments which would never improve her percentage ownership. I wouldn't be investing capital, mortgage repayments, home improvements and maintenance into a property I'd only ever own 50% of.

Flody994

Thanks for the comments and helpful advice. Just to clarify, we've been together for four years as of now (so when the mortgage deal comes to an end in two years time, we would have been together six years). I do appreciate that it can be a lot for a partner to leave the other when it's early in the relationship, but at what point does that change if you're not getting married. 

My partner has changed his mind about his share of the house going to his siblings as he hadn't really thought it through but he still wants to see them looked after. It's not their family home, it's just a house he bought with a sibling to be able to get on the property ladder. He hasn't discussed any of this with his siblings, he just wants to know they are ok after his death. I would be surprised if any of the siblings left money to each other in their wills, I don't think he is expecting anything from any of them. 

sheramber

Partner could change the ownership from joint to tenants in common at a later date, without OP's agreement.

Is your partner more concerned that his siblings are provided for than you are provided for?

Are you putting any money into the purchase of the brother's share or will it just be a joint mortgage?

Flody994

My partner thinks I will be provided for as I will have half a house/money to buy a smaller place and an ok job but his siblings mostly have lower paying jobs, but circumstances all round change over a lifetime, which I don't think he has thought about. Plus I think he's mostly thinking about death when you're elderly and says I wouldn't need money when I'm in my 80s (for some reason). I just don't think he's fully thought through different situations as it's a bit morbid.

I should have at least 20k deposit in two years time and the rest would be mortgage. 

ellie99

OP, fast forward 5 or 6 years, and you've let your partner do what he wants...

If your partner then dies suddenly, your life will be so much more difficult than it should be. You will be grieving, the children will be grieving, you'll still be trying to work (you've got a mortgage to pay)...and of top of that you have to find somewhere cheaper to live. Perhaps with his siblings trying to hurry you to leave. Your children will have to cope with leaving their family home at a time when their lives have already been upended.

I think he's really underestimating the emotional strain of coping when a partner dies. A decent man would want to make as sure as he could that his partner and children would be okay if anything happened to him. That means leaving them the house, and even having life insurance so that the house is paid off. If he's not willing to do that for HIS children, then he shouldn't be having childen.

Sorry to be blunt, but it maddens me that he's dismissing you by saying you'll be fine as you've an ok job.

BobT36

Plus packing and moving all by yourself..

Flody994

ellie99 said:

OP, fast forward 5 or 6 years, and you've let your partner do what he wants...

If your partner then dies suddenly, your life will be so much more difficult than it should be. You will be grieving, the children will be grieving, you'll still be trying to work (you've got a mortgage to pay)...and of top of that you have to find somewhere cheaper to live. Perhaps with his siblings trying to hurry you to leave. Your children will have to cope with leaving their family home at a time when their lives have already been upended.

I think he's really underestimating the emotional strain of coping when a partner dies. A decent man would want to make as sure as he could that his partner and children would be okay if anything happened to him. That means leaving them the house, and even having life insurance so that the house is paid off. If he's not willing to do that for HIS children, then he shouldn't be having childen.

Sorry to be blunt, but it maddens me that he's dismissing you by saying you'll be fine as you've an ok job.

I think he's not thinking of future children when he talks about this scenario with his siblings, which I know is silly as we have at length talked about having children. He definitely would want them to be provided for, so it seems his logic is children > siblings > me, which I'm not happy with. I just wanted to double check I wasn't going mad that this isn't really normal for someone you are supposedly planning a long-term future and grow old with.

ellie99

Flody994 said:

I think he's not thinking of future children when he talks about this scenario with his siblings, which I know is silly as we have at length talked about having children. He definitely would want them to be provided for, so it seems his logic is children > siblings > me, which I'm not happy with. I just wanted to double check I wasn't going mad that this isn't really normal for someone you are supposedly planning a long-term future and grow old with.

Well now you know where you stand. No judgement, but it seems that the move towards cohabiting without marriage has made it harder for people to tell just how committed partners are.

Out of interest, if you were the one to die, who would you leave your share of the house to? Your partner?

CSI_Yorkshire

To play devil's advocate and put forward the other side - flip the perspective.

"We've only been together four years, are not married and don't have children, and I insist that my partner leaves everything to me and ignores his family"

I know it's not that blunt, but to everyone saying "this is a red flag, run away", consider the other perspective and see if you still think the same.

ellie99

CSI_Yorkshire said:

To play devil's advocate and put forward the other side - flip the perspective.

"We've only been together four years, are not married and don't have children, and I insist that my partner leaves everything to me and ignores his family"

I know it's not that blunt, but to everyone saying "this is a red flag, run away", consider the other perspective and see if you still think the same.

I see your point, although I personally didn't say run away, I said I wouldn't have children with him in this scenario.

As far as the house goes, I do still think the same. If the guy has savings and wants to leave some to his siblings, fair enough. But not the house, the family home, which both of them are paying towards.